Headlines: 27 dead, and other news
(March 15, 2021)
Ducharme's in the hot seat, and Bergevin's in his lap
Mixup at Mexican border: Republicans there to see, not be, refugees
Montreal's rotating defence pairings now a Ouellet wheel
Habs courting former coach of the year Sutter* as possible replacement
*No, not that Sutter, his older brother, Brian
Russia blamed for several islands going missing in Canadian
Arctic
Chiarot's left brain, right hand no longer speaking
Vatican opposes same-sex unions, but “some sex is okay”
Canadiens lobby for detachable helmets
Top section for playing hockey, leather skull cap for fighting
GOP says requiring voters to jump through hoops – literally -- “tests their commitment” to democracy
27 dead after fan dispute over line combos escalates
Graffiti on Mars rover has NASA scientists baffled
(March 15, 2021)
Ducharme's in the hot seat, and Bergevin's in his lap
Mixup at Mexican border: Republicans there to see, not be, refugees
Montreal's rotating defence pairings now a Ouellet wheel
Habs courting former coach of the year Sutter* as possible replacement
*No, not that Sutter, his older brother, Brian
Russia blamed for several islands going missing in Canadian
Arctic
Chiarot's left brain, right hand no longer speaking
Vatican opposes same-sex unions, but “some sex is okay”
Canadiens lobby for detachable helmets
Top section for playing hockey, leather skull cap for fighting
GOP says requiring voters to jump through hoops – literally -- “tests their commitment” to democracy
27 dead after fan dispute over line combos escalates
Graffiti on Mars rover has NASA scientists baffled
Headlines: Hockey scandal, and other news
(March 11, 2021)
Beware the ice of March – it's Brutal
Danault a scratch, got soused after going off the schneid
NHL's first poet laureate lauded for "puckish sense of humour"
Price working his way back to 1.000 save percentage for season
Mete told to not get into a fight, team can't afford to lose him
NHL considering Stanley Cup for each side of the border
TSN scandal: hockey quiz panelists given questions in advance
Hallmark apologizes for COVID one-year anniversary cards
Ducharme on Weber: “Old-timer's slow but his one-timer's still fast”
Lion wanders from petting zoo, reported to be on the lamb
(March 11, 2021)
Beware the ice of March – it's Brutal
Danault a scratch, got soused after going off the schneid
NHL's first poet laureate lauded for "puckish sense of humour"
Price working his way back to 1.000 save percentage for season
Mete told to not get into a fight, team can't afford to lose him
NHL considering Stanley Cup for each side of the border
TSN scandal: hockey quiz panelists given questions in advance
Hallmark apologizes for COVID one-year anniversary cards
Ducharme on Weber: “Old-timer's slow but his one-timer's still fast”
Lion wanders from petting zoo, reported to be on the lamb
Headlines: Toffoli injured, and other news
(March 8, 2021)
Bettman vows NHL will have female players by 2025
Toffoli suffers “freak” injury entering Rogers Arena
Duchess of Sussex says queen's swearing made her blush
Price's new helmet resembles COVID-19 virus
Wilson begins seven-game suspension by assaulting pizza delivery guy
Oprah turns down NY governor's offer to sit for interview
Pasta maker unveils cheese-filled spaghetti
Julien's tell-all memoir will include diagrams
VP breaks tie on Senate motion to support motherhood and apple pie
Molson vows next announcer will be female
(March 8, 2021)
Bettman vows NHL will have female players by 2025
Toffoli suffers “freak” injury entering Rogers Arena
Duchess of Sussex says queen's swearing made her blush
Price's new helmet resembles COVID-19 virus
Wilson begins seven-game suspension by assaulting pizza delivery guy
Oprah turns down NY governor's offer to sit for interview
Pasta maker unveils cheese-filled spaghetti
Julien's tell-all memoir will include diagrams
VP breaks tie on Senate motion to support motherhood and apple pie
Molson vows next announcer will be female
Three periods of headlines: Bergevin fired
(March 4, 2021)
Line mates refer to centre spot as the “Danault hole”
Painting bought at yard sale for 50 cents sells for $7 at auction
Is this the year Leafs win a round?
McCartney memoir has never-before-seen photos of Beatles with crew cuts
Molson fired Bergevin in third period – but then Price stepped in
Minnie Mouse files for divorce, says Mickey was “a rat”
Burrows advises players to wear body cams “to keep refs honest”
Tim Hortons offering free vaccination with every drive-thru order
NHL's first female ref earns her stripes (and they're pink!)
New paint attracting a lot of interest – reveals faces as it dries
Trump golden idol showered with praise at CPAC
Bar to give out free drinks for every post hit in game
Richardson gets defensive when asked about his future with Habs
Vaccine for racist holdouts contains bleach -- "makes white blood cells whiter"
A long shot to score, Danault does just that – from centre ice
(March 4, 2021)
Line mates refer to centre spot as the “Danault hole”
Painting bought at yard sale for 50 cents sells for $7 at auction
Is this the year Leafs win a round?
McCartney memoir has never-before-seen photos of Beatles with crew cuts
Molson fired Bergevin in third period – but then Price stepped in
Minnie Mouse files for divorce, says Mickey was “a rat”
Burrows advises players to wear body cams “to keep refs honest”
Tim Hortons offering free vaccination with every drive-thru order
NHL's first female ref earns her stripes (and they're pink!)
New paint attracting a lot of interest – reveals faces as it dries
Trump golden idol showered with praise at CPAC
Bar to give out free drinks for every post hit in game
Richardson gets defensive when asked about his future with Habs
Vaccine for racist holdouts contains bleach -- "makes white blood cells whiter"
A long shot to score, Danault does just that – from centre ice
Headlines: Danault unhappy, and other news
(Feb. 27, 2021)
Satellite images indicate Mount Everest half-foot shorter than listed
Price clears waivers, joins taxi squad – Vancouver's, “to be near family”
Republicans unveil new big lie at CPAC: Jesus, Trump siblings
NHL recalls rule book video for refs after complaints from team
Clips of calls against Canadiens used to explain penalties
Proposed gun control measures include “extremely stiff triggers”
Disappointed with team's play new Hab coach asks 'interim' tag be changed to 'former'
Two kittens find mittens, third one's still looking
Playing defence now uphill battle for Weber whose skating has gone downhill
His career peaked long ago: hockey analyst
This day in history: cloudy with intermittent showers
Dryden recommends smaller pucks to elude goalies' bigger gear
Bud the Spud renamed Spud “to eliminate gender specificity”
New utensil could revolutionize eating
Most people forget the nose is another portal for food: culinary expert
Lawn darts making comeback, now with explosives
Danault unhappy with number change to 0
Scented keyboards fail to hit sales target
Putin behind rumour Panarin "too dumb to tie his own skates"
Hockey pundits showing signs of decline
Down to 12 thoughts a week
(Feb. 27, 2021)
Satellite images indicate Mount Everest half-foot shorter than listed
Price clears waivers, joins taxi squad – Vancouver's, “to be near family”
Republicans unveil new big lie at CPAC: Jesus, Trump siblings
NHL recalls rule book video for refs after complaints from team
Clips of calls against Canadiens used to explain penalties
Proposed gun control measures include “extremely stiff triggers”
Disappointed with team's play new Hab coach asks 'interim' tag be changed to 'former'
Two kittens find mittens, third one's still looking
Playing defence now uphill battle for Weber whose skating has gone downhill
His career peaked long ago: hockey analyst
This day in history: cloudy with intermittent showers
Dryden recommends smaller pucks to elude goalies' bigger gear
Bud the Spud renamed Spud “to eliminate gender specificity”
New utensil could revolutionize eating
Most people forget the nose is another portal for food: culinary expert
Lawn darts making comeback, now with explosives
Danault unhappy with number change to 0
Scented keyboards fail to hit sales target
Putin behind rumour Panarin "too dumb to tie his own skates"
Hockey pundits showing signs of decline
Down to 12 thoughts a week
Headlines: Bruins fined, and other news
(Feb. 20, 2021)
New coronavirus variant, OVID-XIX, has victims reciting Latin poetry
Habs look to bounce back after going winless for a week
Sandstorm in Arctic “could be evidence of climate change”
NASA scientists say footprint on Mars “too big to be Marvin's”
Candy bar wrappers sign of a civilization that was “much like ours”
Cook files lawsuit after being fired for peeling carrots sideways
Cops prevent freezing families from burning Cruz at the stake
Snowblower recalled, owners complain of losing fingers turning on machine
Canadiens' revamped power play features backhanders from point
“Goalies never know where those shots are gonna go” -- Muller
Bruins fined for wearing blackface in practice during African-American History Month
Facebook's plans for world domination could boomerang
Burke tells broadcast standards council “to shove a size 12 boot up its arse”
Kim and Kanye kall it kwits
Mother of North whose father is West sees marriage go south
(Feb. 20, 2021)
New coronavirus variant, OVID-XIX, has victims reciting Latin poetry
Habs look to bounce back after going winless for a week
Sandstorm in Arctic “could be evidence of climate change”
NASA scientists say footprint on Mars “too big to be Marvin's”
Candy bar wrappers sign of a civilization that was “much like ours”
Cook files lawsuit after being fired for peeling carrots sideways
Cops prevent freezing families from burning Cruz at the stake
Snowblower recalled, owners complain of losing fingers turning on machine
Canadiens' revamped power play features backhanders from point
“Goalies never know where those shots are gonna go” -- Muller
Bruins fined for wearing blackface in practice during African-American History Month
Facebook's plans for world domination could boomerang
Burke tells broadcast standards council “to shove a size 12 boot up its arse”
Kim and Kanye kall it kwits
Mother of North whose father is West sees marriage go south
Headlines: Habs sign free agent, and other news
(Feb. 11, 2021)
Canadiens concede North Division to Leafs
Impeachment case hinges on Trump's “smoking mouth” evidence
Nation-wide COVID-19 depression deepens with talk of federal election
Stressed-out Danault signs 4-year $4M contract extension
Pfizer switches to squeezable vials to increase vaccine doses
Offence drying up, Habs sign free agent forward Vaselinesky
Laine tells lawyer to find out how to nullify trade to Columbus
TSN to run infomercials during intermissions
Two identical snowflakes found in the wild
Trump's defence team told to remove clown suits before entering Senate
(Feb. 11, 2021)
Canadiens concede North Division to Leafs
Impeachment case hinges on Trump's “smoking mouth” evidence
Nation-wide COVID-19 depression deepens with talk of federal election
Stressed-out Danault signs 4-year $4M contract extension
Pfizer switches to squeezable vials to increase vaccine doses
Offence drying up, Habs sign free agent forward Vaselinesky
Laine tells lawyer to find out how to nullify trade to Columbus
TSN to run infomercials during intermissions
Two identical snowflakes found in the wild
Trump's defence team told to remove clown suits before entering Senate
Headlines: Tragic end for hubby, and other news
(Feb. 10, 2021)
Maker of COVID-19 home test kit admits foot-long rectal probe “hurting sales”
Danault says face-offs, assists “incredibly more important than goals”
Man meets tragic end after telling wife, yeah, new outfit made her look fat
QAnon's Canadian counterpart, QEhnon, blames Bettman for country's Stanley Cup drought
Next generation of toothbrushes to include X-ray function
Perry insulted being called third right on Habs' depth chart
China building island in Gulf of Saint Lawrence “cause for concern”: PM
Trickle-down economic theory “really p*sses poor people off,” say researchers
Mete to replace Byron to give fourth line “a spark”
San Francisco start-up will re-unite owners with socks
Historians say three-year-old's mimicry of Fathers of Confederation “uncanny”
Trump's legal team asks for clemency -- for them, not him
Key to the city stolen, officials fear crime spree imminent
NHL's new COVID-19 protocols include converting dressing rooms into living quarters
Mix-up has cereal maker frantically recalling boxes of Sugar Loops containing adult toy
(Feb. 10, 2021)
Maker of COVID-19 home test kit admits foot-long rectal probe “hurting sales”
Danault says face-offs, assists “incredibly more important than goals”
Man meets tragic end after telling wife, yeah, new outfit made her look fat
QAnon's Canadian counterpart, QEhnon, blames Bettman for country's Stanley Cup drought
Next generation of toothbrushes to include X-ray function
Perry insulted being called third right on Habs' depth chart
China building island in Gulf of Saint Lawrence “cause for concern”: PM
Trickle-down economic theory “really p*sses poor people off,” say researchers
Mete to replace Byron to give fourth line “a spark”
San Francisco start-up will re-unite owners with socks
Historians say three-year-old's mimicry of Fathers of Confederation “uncanny”
Trump's legal team asks for clemency -- for them, not him
Key to the city stolen, officials fear crime spree imminent
NHL's new COVID-19 protocols include converting dressing rooms into living quarters
Mix-up has cereal maker frantically recalling boxes of Sugar Loops containing adult toy
Headlines: Goalie rage, and other news
(Feb. 4, 2021)
Julien says Price, Allen will split game duties tonight
Penalty boxes to include stocks for players serving fighting majors
Bad news, Sens: Toffoli thinks of Ottawa as “Vancouver East”
Goalie smashes net cam, says surveillance society has gone too far
Wild out in the cold thanks to pandemic as four games are postponed
Trump to testify at impeachment, tells Praetorian Guard “to stand by”
Danault says winning faceoffs MORE important than scoring goals
Referee caught taking selfies during game
QAnon global effect worsening, satellite photos show Earth flattening
Fans will pay $25,000 to have huge head pics appear on tarps covering seats
Poehling entertaining offers from Uber
Tortorella willing to give Laine, -2 in debut, “three more shifts to work things out”
(Feb. 4, 2021)
Julien says Price, Allen will split game duties tonight
Penalty boxes to include stocks for players serving fighting majors
Bad news, Sens: Toffoli thinks of Ottawa as “Vancouver East”
Goalie smashes net cam, says surveillance society has gone too far
Wild out in the cold thanks to pandemic as four games are postponed
Trump to testify at impeachment, tells Praetorian Guard “to stand by”
Danault says winning faceoffs MORE important than scoring goals
Referee caught taking selfies during game
QAnon global effect worsening, satellite photos show Earth flattening
Fans will pay $25,000 to have huge head pics appear on tarps covering seats
Poehling entertaining offers from Uber
Tortorella willing to give Laine, -2 in debut, “three more shifts to work things out”
Headlines: Mete, Danault, and other news
(Feb. 2, 2021)
Groundhog Day continues for Montreal, Vancouver
When it comes to winning, Canadiens can, Canucks cannot
Rolling four lines, three defence pairs and two goalies working
for Habs
Golfer Patrick Reed: Somehow his lies are always good
Mete back to collecting fares
Kicked off Twitter, Trump accosting strangers at street corners
Shubenacadie Sam, Wiarton Willie refuse to come out, citing pandemic
Danault says winning faceoffs as important as scoring goals
Trump asks Myanmar military for copy of its game plan
The meter's running on how long Quinn, -6, will remain with parent Canuck club
QAnon for the left calling itself Know-It-All -- “We Have the Answers!”
(Feb. 2, 2021)
Groundhog Day continues for Montreal, Vancouver
When it comes to winning, Canadiens can, Canucks cannot
Rolling four lines, three defence pairs and two goalies working
for Habs
Golfer Patrick Reed: Somehow his lies are always good
Mete back to collecting fares
Kicked off Twitter, Trump accosting strangers at street corners
Shubenacadie Sam, Wiarton Willie refuse to come out, citing pandemic
Danault says winning faceoffs as important as scoring goals
Trump asks Myanmar military for copy of its game plan
The meter's running on how long Quinn, -6, will remain with parent Canuck club
QAnon for the left calling itself Know-It-All -- “We Have the Answers!”
Headlines: Julien fuming, and other news
(Feb. 1, 2021)
Players-only meeting after Habs lose first game in regulation
Linesman suspended two weeks for chain smoking during game
Kotkaniemi vows to keep head up at all times after being blindsided during anthem
DeAngelo clears waivers, blames NHL's “deep state”
Cherry being touted for next governor general; MacLean also on list
AR-15-toting GOP congresswoman forced to hand over gun clip before being allowed into House
Julien fuming over pizza delivery to bench prank
Coyotes fined $1M for QAnon symbol on player helmets
Linesman admits he was out of position when blocked Weber shot from point
Danault benched after shots hit Price 10 times in chest during warm-up
Canadiens to send large-print rulebooks to referees with sections highlighted
Congresswoman forcibly removed from floor shouting warnings about “pod people”
Bergevin says Habs-Sens swap of taxi squad D-men “a fare trade”
Putin to release transcripts of conversations with Trump, calls collection The P Tapes
Dube's Finnish teammate translates strongly worded threats
Trump to plead guilty at impeachment “for good of country”
(Feb. 1, 2021)
Players-only meeting after Habs lose first game in regulation
Linesman suspended two weeks for chain smoking during game
Kotkaniemi vows to keep head up at all times after being blindsided during anthem
DeAngelo clears waivers, blames NHL's “deep state”
Cherry being touted for next governor general; MacLean also on list
AR-15-toting GOP congresswoman forced to hand over gun clip before being allowed into House
Julien fuming over pizza delivery to bench prank
Coyotes fined $1M for QAnon symbol on player helmets
Linesman admits he was out of position when blocked Weber shot from point
Danault benched after shots hit Price 10 times in chest during warm-up
Canadiens to send large-print rulebooks to referees with sections highlighted
Congresswoman forcibly removed from floor shouting warnings about “pod people”
Bergevin says Habs-Sens swap of taxi squad D-men “a fare trade”
Putin to release transcripts of conversations with Trump, calls collection The P Tapes
Dube's Finnish teammate translates strongly worded threats
Trump to plead guilty at impeachment “for good of country”
Headlines: Pink slip from Putin, and other news
(Jan. 23, 2021)
Lafrenière on trading block after going pointless in four games
Jackets caught laughing after Torts hits thumb nailing Dubois to bench
Trump devastated when told preferred lawyer, Perry Mason, isn't real
Faux Sports exclusive: Bergevin – The First 3,189 Days
Gov-Gen's toxic workplace included using servants' sleeves as Kleenex
More bad news for Trump – pink slip from Putin
Dubois takes shot at Torts in post-game interview, but puck sails wide
Leading NHL in minor penalties a major problem for Canucks
Holy moly, Toffoli! Winger on fire after slow start
Columbus trades disgruntled forward, Dubois now an Helsingin Jokerit
(Jan. 23, 2021)
Lafrenière on trading block after going pointless in four games
Jackets caught laughing after Torts hits thumb nailing Dubois to bench
Trump devastated when told preferred lawyer, Perry Mason, isn't real
Faux Sports exclusive: Bergevin – The First 3,189 Days
Gov-Gen's toxic workplace included using servants' sleeves as Kleenex
More bad news for Trump – pink slip from Putin
Dubois takes shot at Torts in post-game interview, but puck sails wide
Leading NHL in minor penalties a major problem for Canucks
Holy moly, Toffoli! Winger on fire after slow start
Columbus trades disgruntled forward, Dubois now an Helsingin Jokerit
Headlines: Allen named starter, and other news
(Jan. 21, 2021)
Players pelt Price with beachballs at emergency practice to work on his positioning
Allen to start rest of season “until he gives up five goals in a game”: Julien
Caps' Russian players decry “imperialist” COVID-19 protocols
Biden's White House cleaning crew finds 47 listening devices
Mete in lineup tonight “to settle down the defence”: Julien
Toronto fans wagering who will win championship first: Leafs or Jays?
Pfizer resuming vaccine shipments, CEO taken to ER with firecracker up ying-yang
NHL to review Leaf game tapes to find out when Matthews broke back
After giving up 3 PP goals, Habs will avoid body contact and be nice to refs
Trump adjusting to life as a loser, writing nasty notes to neighbours
(Jan. 21, 2021)
Players pelt Price with beachballs at emergency practice to work on his positioning
Allen to start rest of season “until he gives up five goals in a game”: Julien
Caps' Russian players decry “imperialist” COVID-19 protocols
Biden's White House cleaning crew finds 47 listening devices
Mete in lineup tonight “to settle down the defence”: Julien
Toronto fans wagering who will win championship first: Leafs or Jays?
Pfizer resuming vaccine shipments, CEO taken to ER with firecracker up ying-yang
NHL to review Leaf game tapes to find out when Matthews broke back
After giving up 3 PP goals, Habs will avoid body contact and be nice to refs
Trump adjusting to life as a loser, writing nasty notes to neighbours
Headlines: Habs staying humble, and other news
(Jan. 20, 2021)
Fan evicted from rink after cardboard 'cutout' spotted eating popcorn
Verbal abuse? No way, says Babcock, he was “being jocular with jocks”
Habs' new ECHL affiliate, Trois-Rivières, to be named Pocket Rocket
Canadiens staying humble despite fast start, “taking it one win at a time”
Tortorella says Babcock's treatment of players “a stain on coaching”
Person of Interest No. 1 leaves Washington with ankle monitor
Third line has been a KATastrophe so far for Canadiens
To make up for games lost to COVID-19 Stars will play four in three days
Puck shortage looming as manufacturer re-tools factory
Trump invites Babcock to Mar-a-Lago to swap anecdotes
(Jan. 20, 2021)
Fan evicted from rink after cardboard 'cutout' spotted eating popcorn
Verbal abuse? No way, says Babcock, he was “being jocular with jocks”
Habs' new ECHL affiliate, Trois-Rivières, to be named Pocket Rocket
Canadiens staying humble despite fast start, “taking it one win at a time”
Tortorella says Babcock's treatment of players “a stain on coaching”
Person of Interest No. 1 leaves Washington with ankle monitor
Third line has been a KATastrophe so far for Canadiens
To make up for games lost to COVID-19 Stars will play four in three days
Puck shortage looming as manufacturer re-tools factory
Trump invites Babcock to Mar-a-Lago to swap anecdotes
Headlines: Experts puzzled, and other news
(Jan. 18, 2021)
Milbury -- NHL's worst GM in history – pardoned by Trump
With zero points Habs' O-line – KK, Armia, Toffoli – is offensive
Dubois changes phone number after Torts leaves dozens of messages
Experts puzzled by NHL decision to allow ads on jockstraps
NHL scrambling after U.S. puts right wingers on no fly list
Bergevin-Julien in running for new NHL award for top GM-Coach duo
Officials “pretty sure” minefields, armed drones will make inauguration safe
Desperate for goaltending, Oilers offer Habs 1st round pick for Lindgren, McNiven
NHL all in on boosting revenue, will sell players snacks at penalty box
Mete picked up on waivers, Canadiens retire number
(Jan. 18, 2021)
Milbury -- NHL's worst GM in history – pardoned by Trump
With zero points Habs' O-line – KK, Armia, Toffoli – is offensive
Dubois changes phone number after Torts leaves dozens of messages
Experts puzzled by NHL decision to allow ads on jockstraps
NHL scrambling after U.S. puts right wingers on no fly list
Bergevin-Julien in running for new NHL award for top GM-Coach duo
Officials “pretty sure” minefields, armed drones will make inauguration safe
Desperate for goaltending, Oilers offer Habs 1st round pick for Lindgren, McNiven
NHL all in on boosting revenue, will sell players snacks at penalty box
Mete picked up on waivers, Canadiens retire number
Headlines: Puck goes missing, and other news
(Jan. 15, 2021)
Senators now ranked sixth in division after win over 2021 Cup finalist
Las Vegas bookies taking bets on who will be Canadiens scapegoat this season
Torts, Dubois yelling match ends with GM cutting off hot water for shower
Trump tells Biden to make his own set of White House keys
Rangers add Ignatowski, Gravas, Banta to taxi squad
Habs to wear Pornhub logo on helmets for away games
Leafs' Rielly chafes under Ontario orders to stay at home
Trump to be given 21-gun salute – with 50 yard head start
Wake up alarm of Torts screaming tops hockey fan phone apps
Matthews prepared to take flak for wearing flak jacket under sweater
Record-breaking TV ratings has Canadian teams re-thinking allowing fans into rinks in future
Winnipeg worries about Jet lag, with five games in seven days on schedule
Huge sigh of relief in U.S -- only three people killed at inauguration
NHL quietly tells refs to ignore forwards cross-checking defencemen
Puck goes missing after deflection, found in Thorton's beard
(Jan. 15, 2021)
Senators now ranked sixth in division after win over 2021 Cup finalist
Las Vegas bookies taking bets on who will be Canadiens scapegoat this season
Torts, Dubois yelling match ends with GM cutting off hot water for shower
Trump tells Biden to make his own set of White House keys
Rangers add Ignatowski, Gravas, Banta to taxi squad
Habs to wear Pornhub logo on helmets for away games
Leafs' Rielly chafes under Ontario orders to stay at home
Trump to be given 21-gun salute – with 50 yard head start
Wake up alarm of Torts screaming tops hockey fan phone apps
Matthews prepared to take flak for wearing flak jacket under sweater
Record-breaking TV ratings has Canadian teams re-thinking allowing fans into rinks in future
Winnipeg worries about Jet lag, with five games in seven days on schedule
Huge sigh of relief in U.S -- only three people killed at inauguration
NHL quietly tells refs to ignore forwards cross-checking defencemen
Puck goes missing after deflection, found in Thorton's beard
Headlines: Trump talking up miracle vaccine
(11:40 a.m., April 6, 2020)
Trump accuses Dems of turning 'hoax' into real pandemic 'to save face'
Certain songs now banned on radio, including Close to You and Stand By Me
People dealing with toilet paper shortage in novel ways: cotton balls, oven mitts, seltzer bottles
Trump touting WD-40 as a 'miracle spray-on vaccine'
Rival coach compares McDAVID-97 to COVID-19: 'He's just as deadly – but harder to catch'
Kushner put in charge of landing a man on Mars – 'preferably Schumer'
NHL considering virtual rock-scissors-paper tournament to decide Cup winner
New stay-at-home dads going on Facebook to exchange housekeeping tips
Fauci fired after boxing Trump's ears at White House briefing
Even ultra-rich feeling pandemic's effects; mansion fever on the rise
Laughter might not be the best medicine 'but it goes down easier'
Wives comfort each other on Twitter about stay-at-home dads
Canadiens rehearsing new goal celebrations on Zoom for when hockey returns
Families in survival mode, making plans to grow crops in backyards
Trump gives in, dons mask for briefing. Yep, it's a Donald mask.
(11:40 a.m., April 6, 2020)
Trump accuses Dems of turning 'hoax' into real pandemic 'to save face'
Certain songs now banned on radio, including Close to You and Stand By Me
People dealing with toilet paper shortage in novel ways: cotton balls, oven mitts, seltzer bottles
Trump touting WD-40 as a 'miracle spray-on vaccine'
Rival coach compares McDAVID-97 to COVID-19: 'He's just as deadly – but harder to catch'
Kushner put in charge of landing a man on Mars – 'preferably Schumer'
NHL considering virtual rock-scissors-paper tournament to decide Cup winner
New stay-at-home dads going on Facebook to exchange housekeeping tips
Fauci fired after boxing Trump's ears at White House briefing
Even ultra-rich feeling pandemic's effects; mansion fever on the rise
Laughter might not be the best medicine 'but it goes down easier'
Wives comfort each other on Twitter about stay-at-home dads
Canadiens rehearsing new goal celebrations on Zoom for when hockey returns
Families in survival mode, making plans to grow crops in backyards
Trump gives in, dons mask for briefing. Yep, it's a Donald mask.
Headlines: 'Where were the Kurds?'
(Oct. 10, 2019)
Federal parties ask for Hab playbook on how to handle deficits
Eichel tower of strength in win over Canadiens
Mete poised to score first goal of career in home opener, smart folks say
Four points, three games, two losses, one win, zero boring – that's your Habs
'Where were the Kurds when we fought our War of Independence?' -- Trump
(Oct. 10, 2019)
Federal parties ask for Hab playbook on how to handle deficits
Eichel tower of strength in win over Canadiens
Mete poised to score first goal of career in home opener, smart folks say
Four points, three games, two losses, one win, zero boring – that's your Habs
'Where were the Kurds when we fought our War of Independence?' -- Trump
Headlines: New line of power equipment
(Oct. 6, 2019)
Toronto unveils new line of power equipment – 'Really good at blowing leads'
Kapanen's broken stick toss shafts Leafs
With Price stopping 90% of the shots, Habs collecting 75% of the points
Leaf fans go home disappointed – and homely as ever
Never-say-die Canadiens make exception with Leafs
(Oct. 6, 2019)
Toronto unveils new line of power equipment – 'Really good at blowing leads'
Kapanen's broken stick toss shafts Leafs
With Price stopping 90% of the shots, Habs collecting 75% of the points
Leaf fans go home disappointed – and homely as ever
Never-say-die Canadiens make exception with Leafs
Headlines : Weber a healthy scratch
(Oct. 5, 2019)
Weber a healthy scratch until team finds suitable defence partner
Price vows to throw more body checks if ordered to handle puck less
Devil fans tell Severson 'to go to hell' after D-man goes -4 in shocking loss
Mete said calling Weber an 'anchor' was meant as a compliment
Matthews says he has 'no qualms undressing' Canadien rearguards
Trump tells reporters he's 'just Biden' his time waiting for Dems to pick leader
Kotkaniemi credits steady diet of reindeer burgers for boost in strength
Fleury says nickname 'Kale isn't really that funny'
Canadiens power play tweak rumoured to involve 'player pyramid'
North Korean launch of death star 'interesting, but it's no moon landing': Trump
(Oct. 5, 2019)
Weber a healthy scratch until team finds suitable defence partner
Price vows to throw more body checks if ordered to handle puck less
Devil fans tell Severson 'to go to hell' after D-man goes -4 in shocking loss
Mete said calling Weber an 'anchor' was meant as a compliment
Matthews says he has 'no qualms undressing' Canadien rearguards
Trump tells reporters he's 'just Biden' his time waiting for Dems to pick leader
Kotkaniemi credits steady diet of reindeer burgers for boost in strength
Fleury says nickname 'Kale isn't really that funny'
Canadiens power play tweak rumoured to involve 'player pyramid'
North Korean launch of death star 'interesting, but it's no moon landing': Trump
Headlines: Kotkaniemi blames puberty
(Sept. 27, 2019)
Mathews blames ref mooning incident on 'wardrobe malfunction'
MB sends Drouin to miners; 'They know what to do when in a hole'
Mete to unveil 'knuckleball wrist shot with backspin' in season opener
Lightning kills three at climate change deniers strike
Habs power play practises banking shots off defenders' ankles
Kotkaniemi blames sluggish exhibition play on 'puberty'
Lafleur ordered to put out cigarette moments before heart surgery
Canadiens' depth on defence tested by recent rash of injuries
Democrats won't impeach Trump, they want him 'impaled'
What's-his-name the forgotten man as team prepares for season
(Sept. 27, 2019)
Mathews blames ref mooning incident on 'wardrobe malfunction'
MB sends Drouin to miners; 'They know what to do when in a hole'
Mete to unveil 'knuckleball wrist shot with backspin' in season opener
Lightning kills three at climate change deniers strike
Habs power play practises banking shots off defenders' ankles
Kotkaniemi blames sluggish exhibition play on 'puberty'
Lafleur ordered to put out cigarette moments before heart surgery
Canadiens' depth on defence tested by recent rash of injuries
Democrats won't impeach Trump, they want him 'impaled'
What's-his-name the forgotten man as team prepares for season
Headlines: Alzner back in lineup ...
(Oct. 17, 2018)
Alzner back in lineup, says iron streak was “suspended, not ended”
Trump warns Saudis he'll 'draw the line' at 10 murdered journalists
Is NHL okay with players who use weed taking potshots?
Trump: UN report on climate change “fake news about fake science by a bunch of faking idiots”
Euphoric Hab fans trying hard to tamp down talk of 25th Cup
Scientists say Senate leader McConnell “an anatomical anomaly” -- chinless, spineless, gutless
Molson seizes opportunity, boosts beer sales by promoting “cans of bliss”
Trump says his penis IS tiny ... “when you compare it to a horse's”
(Oct. 17, 2018)
Alzner back in lineup, says iron streak was “suspended, not ended”
Trump warns Saudis he'll 'draw the line' at 10 murdered journalists
Is NHL okay with players who use weed taking potshots?
Trump: UN report on climate change “fake news about fake science by a bunch of faking idiots”
Euphoric Hab fans trying hard to tamp down talk of 25th Cup
Scientists say Senate leader McConnell “an anatomical anomaly” -- chinless, spineless, gutless
Molson seizes opportunity, boosts beer sales by promoting “cans of bliss”
Trump says his penis IS tiny ... “when you compare it to a horse's”
Headlines: When not being level becomes a ski hill
(Sept. 1, 2018)
Media declare Trump 'enema of the people – he scares the crap out of folks'
Trump a surprise show at McCain interment, volunteers to help with burial
Trump turns down To Tell the Truth guest appearance for record 423rd time
Giuliani says he's playing an idiot 'to connect with Trump's supporters'
Trump – the putz who's putty in Putin's paws
Trump's tax returns still being translated from Russian
Trump boasts his death 'will draw more favourable comment than McCain's and Aretha's combined'
Enquirer says it has so much dirt on Trump 'they could turn it into a ski hill'
Uptick in polls for Trump after shooting dead a jaywalker on Fifth Avenue
Trump not upset can't reach deal with Canada, says 'everything will be tarrific'
(Sept. 1, 2018)
Media declare Trump 'enema of the people – he scares the crap out of folks'
Trump a surprise show at McCain interment, volunteers to help with burial
Trump turns down To Tell the Truth guest appearance for record 423rd time
Giuliani says he's playing an idiot 'to connect with Trump's supporters'
Trump – the putz who's putty in Putin's paws
Trump's tax returns still being translated from Russian
Trump boasts his death 'will draw more favourable comment than McCain's and Aretha's combined'
Enquirer says it has so much dirt on Trump 'they could turn it into a ski hill'
Uptick in polls for Trump after shooting dead a jaywalker on Fifth Avenue
Trump not upset can't reach deal with Canada, says 'everything will be tarrific'
Headlines: "We'll just wing it!"
(June 19, 2018)
Trump says “Hitler's problem was loving his people too much”
Pacioretty re-signs with Canadiens, resigns as captain
Bergevin solves centre problem: No line will have one. “We'll just wing it!”
Canada accelerates NAFTA talks with U.S. by launching Death Star satellite
North Korean children beg Trump to be separated from their parents
Galchenyuk looking forward to playing in the desert, after six years in the wasteland
(June 19, 2018)
Trump says “Hitler's problem was loving his people too much”
Pacioretty re-signs with Canadiens, resigns as captain
Bergevin solves centre problem: No line will have one. “We'll just wing it!”
Canada accelerates NAFTA talks with U.S. by launching Death Star satellite
North Korean children beg Trump to be separated from their parents
Galchenyuk looking forward to playing in the desert, after six years in the wasteland
Headlines: Bergevin on shaky ground
(June 11, 2018)
Trump laughs off actual stab in back by Kim Jong Un as a “negotiating ploy”
There's “a special place in hell” for Trump advisers. It's called New Jersey
Ottawa to charge tariffs on Trump supporters entering Canada
Subban not worried relations with new love Vonn “could go downhill”
Trump pushing to have “potent” Putin replace “tremulous” Trudeau in G7
Bergevin could be on shaky ground, parking spot now has meter
Instant connection between Trump and Kim -- “He showed me his little rocket!”
Julien vows to give up playing Fortnite, focus on coaching next season
Ovechkin remembers his pal Alzner, sends Snapchat video of Cup
Trump says bringing Japanese interpreter to summit “a honest mistake”
(June 11, 2018)
Trump laughs off actual stab in back by Kim Jong Un as a “negotiating ploy”
There's “a special place in hell” for Trump advisers. It's called New Jersey
Ottawa to charge tariffs on Trump supporters entering Canada
Subban not worried relations with new love Vonn “could go downhill”
Trump pushing to have “potent” Putin replace “tremulous” Trudeau in G7
Bergevin could be on shaky ground, parking spot now has meter
Instant connection between Trump and Kim -- “He showed me his little rocket!”
Julien vows to give up playing Fortnite, focus on coaching next season
Ovechkin remembers his pal Alzner, sends Snapchat video of Cup
Trump says bringing Japanese interpreter to summit “a honest mistake”
Headlines: Fans abuzz over Summit
(June 5, 2018)
Tragedy in The Big Apple: Snow-Weight bites the big one!
Bergevin finally lands a centaur: “He's big and he's fast!”
Subban photobombs Eller while Cap is holding up the Cup
News Kim Jong-un will attend Summit has hockey fans abuzz!
Muller put in charge of Canadiens' Russian investigation: Why aren't any on roster?
Cup-winning Caps will visit White House "when Trump is out of town"
New Liberal leader says party will likely lose 2022 election as well
Trump won't stand still for hockey players who won't stand still for the anthem
Vegas taking bets on which will finish first: Trump's tax audit or Russian probe
White House press secretary says “truth is relative, a fourth cousin removed from the president”
(June 5, 2018)
Tragedy in The Big Apple: Snow-Weight bites the big one!
Bergevin finally lands a centaur: “He's big and he's fast!”
Subban photobombs Eller while Cap is holding up the Cup
News Kim Jong-un will attend Summit has hockey fans abuzz!
Muller put in charge of Canadiens' Russian investigation: Why aren't any on roster?
Cup-winning Caps will visit White House "when Trump is out of town"
New Liberal leader says party will likely lose 2022 election as well
Trump won't stand still for hockey players who won't stand still for the anthem
Vegas taking bets on which will finish first: Trump's tax audit or Russian probe
White House press secretary says “truth is relative, a fourth cousin removed from the president”
Headlines: If only he had been on a plane
(Feb. 26, 2018)
"What, my pubic hair too?” -- Plekanec adjusts to life as a Leaf
Chelios, Langway, Subban, McDonagh – Habs get an F for trading away D who are A+
Bergevin says team will try Scherbak at centre -- “he has all the tools”
Grin no longer working, Gallagher will try scowl to intimidate foes
Molson sends message, says coaches, GMs who speak Franglais “will do”
Trump says he would have stopped Twin Towers attack if he “had been on plane”
Baseball to speed up game by setting stadium clocks to go fast
Ergonomic hockey sticks being tested in American Hockey League
(Feb. 26, 2018)
"What, my pubic hair too?” -- Plekanec adjusts to life as a Leaf
Chelios, Langway, Subban, McDonagh – Habs get an F for trading away D who are A+
Bergevin says team will try Scherbak at centre -- “he has all the tools”
Grin no longer working, Gallagher will try scowl to intimidate foes
Molson sends message, says coaches, GMs who speak Franglais “will do”
Trump says he would have stopped Twin Towers attack if he “had been on plane”
Baseball to speed up game by setting stadium clocks to go fast
Ergonomic hockey sticks being tested in American Hockey League
Headlines: No watching games for Price
(Feb. 24, 2018)
Bergevin punched after Plekanec scratched
Reduced prices on Pacioretty sweaters signals team prepared to deal
Doctors tell Price not to watch game to speed up recovery from concussion
League orders Gallagher to quit wearing Joker grin makeup
Matthews' Islander sandwich giving Leaf fans indigestion
Trudeau lampooned for wearing lederhosen on visit to Switzerland
Snowflakes six inches across becoming the norm
NRA compromises, says 500 rounds a minute “enough to kill a deer”
Trump admits to money laundering “but no way is that collusion!”
Trudeau ridiculed for wearing sombrero, poncho to Taco Bell
(Feb. 24, 2018)
Bergevin punched after Plekanec scratched
Reduced prices on Pacioretty sweaters signals team prepared to deal
Doctors tell Price not to watch game to speed up recovery from concussion
League orders Gallagher to quit wearing Joker grin makeup
Matthews' Islander sandwich giving Leaf fans indigestion
Trudeau lampooned for wearing lederhosen on visit to Switzerland
Snowflakes six inches across becoming the norm
NRA compromises, says 500 rounds a minute “enough to kill a deer”
Trump admits to money laundering “but no way is that collusion!”
Trudeau ridiculed for wearing sombrero, poncho to Taco Bell
Headlines: Bibles in penalty boxes okayed
(Feb. 8, 2018)
Gideons International given go-ahead to place Bibles in penalty boxes
Gallagher files complaint with league over “harassment” by defencemen
Pacioretty fined $2,500 for “wetting ref” with squirting C patch
Canadiens to hold parade at season's end “to salute their great fans”
Ex-Hab coach Martin's notebooks fetch $25,000 at fans expo
NHL rejects hockey pants with pockets; “would open door to hidden puck trick”
PA announcer suspended after using Donald Duck voice to announce goals
NHL to speed up overtime by removing offsides
84% of Canadians certain Canada doesn't have hockey team at Olympics
Canada sending snow in container ships to Cape Town
(Feb. 8, 2018)
Gideons International given go-ahead to place Bibles in penalty boxes
Gallagher files complaint with league over “harassment” by defencemen
Pacioretty fined $2,500 for “wetting ref” with squirting C patch
Canadiens to hold parade at season's end “to salute their great fans”
Ex-Hab coach Martin's notebooks fetch $25,000 at fans expo
NHL rejects hockey pants with pockets; “would open door to hidden puck trick”
PA announcer suspended after using Donald Duck voice to announce goals
NHL to speed up overtime by removing offsides
84% of Canadians certain Canada doesn't have hockey team at Olympics
Canada sending snow in container ships to Cape Town
Headlines: Hab offence: now in 3D!
(Feb. 3, 2018)
Defence scores, power play works, key saves made – what's with that?
Montreal offence: now in three D!
Ducks were close to charge of confinement until Habs broke loose
Molson breathes sigh of relief, won't have to fire Bergevin on a Saturday night
Niemi shows no effects of little used syndrome
Trump blames Mueller for going to war with North Korea: “He made me do it!”
Men Who Behave website shut down after member numbers plummet
Baseball players threaten strike, umpires cry foul
New Tide pod challenge for teens: How many wash loads can you do in an hour?
Explorers say they've discovered fabled sock graveyard
(Feb. 3, 2018)
Defence scores, power play works, key saves made – what's with that?
Montreal offence: now in three D!
Ducks were close to charge of confinement until Habs broke loose
Molson breathes sigh of relief, won't have to fire Bergevin on a Saturday night
Niemi shows no effects of little used syndrome
Trump blames Mueller for going to war with North Korea: “He made me do it!”
Men Who Behave website shut down after member numbers plummet
Baseball players threaten strike, umpires cry foul
New Tide pod challenge for teens: How many wash loads can you do in an hour?
Explorers say they've discovered fabled sock graveyard
Headlines: "Are you on my team?"
(Feb. 2, 2018)
Furious Julien asks players after game: “Are you on my team?”
Forwards not scoring, now a shutout: Is Canadiens new policy zero tolerance?
White House in turmoil, wrong memo released, one telling Russia 'everything's going as planned'
Fans say silver bullet appropriate for Bettman's 25th anniversary
Statues of legends outside Bell Centre sporting paper bags on heads
Depressed fans making plans for Super Bawl weekend
Price vows to let every shot in during warmup “to boost teammates' confidence”
NHL rinks experimenting with mint-scented ice
League will allow sponsor decals on pucks
Trainer admits he hasn't had to launder Hab sweaters “in weeks”
(Feb. 2, 2018)
Furious Julien asks players after game: “Are you on my team?”
Forwards not scoring, now a shutout: Is Canadiens new policy zero tolerance?
White House in turmoil, wrong memo released, one telling Russia 'everything's going as planned'
Fans say silver bullet appropriate for Bettman's 25th anniversary
Statues of legends outside Bell Centre sporting paper bags on heads
Depressed fans making plans for Super Bawl weekend
Price vows to let every shot in during warmup “to boost teammates' confidence”
NHL rinks experimenting with mint-scented ice
League will allow sponsor decals on pucks
Trainer admits he hasn't had to launder Hab sweaters “in weeks”
Headlines: Pred GM likes his Coffey black
(Jan. 25, 2018)
PK on Daily Show: 'My GM said he likes his Coffey black'
Habs order D to sign up for three-day Weber-nar during All-Star weekend
Post, crossbar no longer Price's best friends, twice stopped teammate from scoring
Video of Julien throttling Daigneault in hallway goes viral
NAFTA talks turn ugly, Canada demands return of Stanley Cup
PK: 'I have bad breath? Ha! I've got charisma -- my old team has miasma!'
Trump rejects party's offer to pay him $130,000 to shut up
Disappearance of 735 islands last year could be related to climate change
Automakers working on driverless car that repairs itself
PK: 'I had to hire a secretary to handle my email from Hab fans'
John Scott to sing national anthems at All-Star Game
(Jan. 25, 2018)
PK on Daily Show: 'My GM said he likes his Coffey black'
Habs order D to sign up for three-day Weber-nar during All-Star weekend
Post, crossbar no longer Price's best friends, twice stopped teammate from scoring
Video of Julien throttling Daigneault in hallway goes viral
NAFTA talks turn ugly, Canada demands return of Stanley Cup
PK: 'I have bad breath? Ha! I've got charisma -- my old team has miasma!'
Trump rejects party's offer to pay him $130,000 to shut up
Disappearance of 735 islands last year could be related to climate change
Automakers working on driverless car that repairs itself
PK: 'I had to hire a secretary to handle my email from Hab fans'
John Scott to sing national anthems at All-Star Game
Headlines: Fans applauding plodding Deslauriers
(Jan. 24, 2018)
Research shows being a healthy scratch can make you ill-tempered
Fans applauding plodding Deslauriers
Drouin regains scoring touch, Plekanec – not so much*
Avalanche no longer going downhill, winning slide ends at 10
Dragging wife to Sens game 'not likely spousal abuse': police
Price shakes off chronic fatigue, but 'still sick and tired of privacy being invaded'
9/10 Canadians can't name one Olympic team member – including players' families
Report Mueller closing in on president 'fake noose': Trump
Crawford has vertigo but it's team's record that has fans' heads spinning
Therrien shilling personal development kits on The Shopping Channel
*now 16 games without a goal
(Jan. 24, 2018)
Research shows being a healthy scratch can make you ill-tempered
Fans applauding plodding Deslauriers
Drouin regains scoring touch, Plekanec – not so much*
Avalanche no longer going downhill, winning slide ends at 10
Dragging wife to Sens game 'not likely spousal abuse': police
Price shakes off chronic fatigue, but 'still sick and tired of privacy being invaded'
9/10 Canadians can't name one Olympic team member – including players' families
Report Mueller closing in on president 'fake noose': Trump
Crawford has vertigo but it's team's record that has fans' heads spinning
Therrien shilling personal development kits on The Shopping Channel
*now 16 games without a goal
Headlines: Cratchits set up GoFundMe account
(Dec. 25, 2017)
“He's no saint': Santa target of complaints by millions of housewives
Ralphie in critical condition after mishap with new assault rifle
Cratchits set up GoFundMe account for Tiny Tim
Santa obtains injunction barring shopping mall Saviours
Traffic cop suspended after cellphone video shows him thumpety thumping Frosty
Trump warns “Missiletoe Man' to expect “kiss of death” if he continues tests
Melting Arctic ice cap forces Santa to relocate workshop to South Pole
Elf out, “got too big for his britches” says a furious Saint Nick
Mueller investigation widens, Trump's childhood letters to Santa subpoenaed
Magi frankincensed, after being asked if they kept receipts for gifts
Tell-all book: House maid says 'Ebeneezer the geezer knew how to please her!”
(Dec. 25, 2017)
“He's no saint': Santa target of complaints by millions of housewives
Ralphie in critical condition after mishap with new assault rifle
Cratchits set up GoFundMe account for Tiny Tim
Santa obtains injunction barring shopping mall Saviours
Traffic cop suspended after cellphone video shows him thumpety thumping Frosty
Trump warns “Missiletoe Man' to expect “kiss of death” if he continues tests
Melting Arctic ice cap forces Santa to relocate workshop to South Pole
Elf out, “got too big for his britches” says a furious Saint Nick
Mueller investigation widens, Trump's childhood letters to Santa subpoenaed
Magi frankincensed, after being asked if they kept receipts for gifts
Tell-all book: House maid says 'Ebeneezer the geezer knew how to please her!”
Headlines: Subban spelled backwards is nabbuS
(June 5, 2017)
Promise Kept Subban scores on breakaway after pointing at upper net
Brawl breaks out after Crosby gives Subban a mouthwash
Subban cheered after singing profanity-laden national anthem
Subban-Weber mixup in front of net leads to Pittsburgh score
‘I saw the light – and it was red!’ — Subban on scoring winning goal
Photo of Subban holding mock severed Crosby head goes viral
Subban punched in mouth trying to mediate Malkin-Kessel dispute
Subban’s mother surprise interview during intermission
Subban uses power play stick on penalty kill, costs team a goal
Subban chews licorice so his teeth aren’t ‘so white’
Subban double reverse spinarama toe drag dipsy doodle called ‘a thing of beauty’
Ch follows Subban to Nashville, he went from grouch to coach
(June 5, 2017)
Promise Kept Subban scores on breakaway after pointing at upper net
Brawl breaks out after Crosby gives Subban a mouthwash
Subban cheered after singing profanity-laden national anthem
Subban-Weber mixup in front of net leads to Pittsburgh score
‘I saw the light – and it was red!’ — Subban on scoring winning goal
Photo of Subban holding mock severed Crosby head goes viral
Subban punched in mouth trying to mediate Malkin-Kessel dispute
Subban’s mother surprise interview during intermission
Subban uses power play stick on penalty kill, costs team a goal
Subban chews licorice so his teeth aren’t ‘so white’
Subban double reverse spinarama toe drag dipsy doodle called ‘a thing of beauty’
Ch follows Subban to Nashville, he went from grouch to coach
This Day in History headlines
(Dec. 25, 2016)
Innkeepers say occupancy rate in Bethlehem at all-time high
Newborn reported to be in stable condition
Officials say birth of Messiah ‘a godsend’ for local tourism
Animals start talking ‘but all they did was complain about the food’
Little drummer boy arrested for disturbing the peace
Thousands report break-in by ‘fat guy in red suit’
Spruce overtaking redwoods as preferred choice for Christmas trees
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer goes down in history
* * *
Got this card from Timo (did you guys get the same one?)
On the cover there’s a boozy Santa saying ‘Ho-ho-ho’, and on the inside Santa continues stammering: ‘Ho-ho-ho-howcum Therrien’s still the coach?’
* * *
Regurgitated from December 2012 and reconstituted for 2016:
I’m a big fan of Christmas movies and specials but they’ve become a blur over the years. Still, four stand out from the rest:
How the Grinch Stole a Wonderful Life – The title character is about to commit suicide Christmas Eve until an angel shows up and makes him realize how much worse off Whoville would be without him. So he keeps the presents.
A Miracle in Hohman, Indiana – A little girl doesn’t believe in Santa Claus until she ends up in an empty house and finds a Red Ryder BB gun she had always wanted. She wounds her mother for telling her lies that Santa doesn’t exist. The final scene, in a courtroom, is a classic, especially when The Old Man is called to testify.
A Charlie Brown Christmas Carol – A little boy grown depressed by the commercialization of Christmas regains his faith in the true meaning of the holiday after being visited in the night by the ghosts of Past, Present and Future royalties, accompanied by a beagle wearing goggles and goofy antlers.
Die Hard Bad Santa – A foul-mouthed, ne’er-do-well Santa conspires to plunder a jewelry store during an office party but is thwarted by a shopping mall cop armed with explosives.
* * *
Merry Christmas to Al
Et al a good morning
May your day be merry and bright
Thanks for making HIO such a wonderful community
(And kudos, Santa, for the illustrated version of Cal’s Book of Habs)
— “A little song, a little dance, A little egg nog down your pants.” --
(Dec. 25, 2016)
Innkeepers say occupancy rate in Bethlehem at all-time high
Newborn reported to be in stable condition
Officials say birth of Messiah ‘a godsend’ for local tourism
Animals start talking ‘but all they did was complain about the food’
Little drummer boy arrested for disturbing the peace
Thousands report break-in by ‘fat guy in red suit’
Spruce overtaking redwoods as preferred choice for Christmas trees
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer goes down in history
* * *
Got this card from Timo (did you guys get the same one?)
On the cover there’s a boozy Santa saying ‘Ho-ho-ho’, and on the inside Santa continues stammering: ‘Ho-ho-ho-howcum Therrien’s still the coach?’
* * *
Regurgitated from December 2012 and reconstituted for 2016:
I’m a big fan of Christmas movies and specials but they’ve become a blur over the years. Still, four stand out from the rest:
How the Grinch Stole a Wonderful Life – The title character is about to commit suicide Christmas Eve until an angel shows up and makes him realize how much worse off Whoville would be without him. So he keeps the presents.
A Miracle in Hohman, Indiana – A little girl doesn’t believe in Santa Claus until she ends up in an empty house and finds a Red Ryder BB gun she had always wanted. She wounds her mother for telling her lies that Santa doesn’t exist. The final scene, in a courtroom, is a classic, especially when The Old Man is called to testify.
A Charlie Brown Christmas Carol – A little boy grown depressed by the commercialization of Christmas regains his faith in the true meaning of the holiday after being visited in the night by the ghosts of Past, Present and Future royalties, accompanied by a beagle wearing goggles and goofy antlers.
Die Hard Bad Santa – A foul-mouthed, ne’er-do-well Santa conspires to plunder a jewelry store during an office party but is thwarted by a shopping mall cop armed with explosives.
* * *
Merry Christmas to Al
Et al a good morning
May your day be merry and bright
Thanks for making HIO such a wonderful community
(And kudos, Santa, for the illustrated version of Cal’s Book of Habs)
— “A little song, a little dance, A little egg nog down your pants.” --
A season of tomorrow's headlines 2016-17
Jan. 9
Speedy recovery for Byron, natch
Eller scores on power play, tosses puck to Therrien
Habs honour coach’s 400th win, captain’s 8th OT winner, trainer’s 1st practice mishap
Trudeau launches grassroots tour by meeting with fourth-liners before game
Five Canadiens injured in chain collision stepping on the ice for warmup
Feds bringing back the penny to revive flagging market for thoughts
Streep’s overrated, Arnold’s a ratings dud, Bugs Bunny’s ‘annoying’: Trump
Who’s healthier? Habs missing six starters but Caps have Trotz
Ole, ole, ole never sounded better
4-1 loss has Canadiens looking ahead to next game on road
Jan. 7
Gallagher questions Dr. Strangeglove about permanent loss of feeling in injured hand
Vegas will use Antarctica ice in arena as ‘novelty’ attraction
Scherbak’s assignment: stand in front of net when Canadiens have power play
MB has paramedics, IceCaps, NHL GMs on speed dial as Habs take on the Leafs
Weber tells teammates he’ll do his best ‘to fire no lifters’
IceCaps sign John Scott to fill – big time! — roster spot in diminished lineup
Uh-oh, Bettman thinks shootout ‘was a splendid way to decide a champion’
Auston’s powers no match for Price’s wizardry
Habs get spanked by young Leafs but it’s their fans who spend the night wailing
Meanwhile south of the border:
Trump won’t accept Russians behind hacking unless ‘Vladdy ‘fesses up’
U.S to tighten security along Canadian border by posting No Trespassing signs
Republicans set to repeal Obamacare and replace it with WeDon’tCare
Only ‘stupid’ Americans – those who pay taxes – will foot bill for Mexican wall: Trump
Jan. 4
Stuck at three goals, Plekanec says he’ll ‘turn it up a notch in the playoffs’
Injured Habs form country-rock band, ‘hurtin’ songs’ their specialty
Price tells reporters he doesn’t know where team would be without Therrien
Bergevin keeping low profile since shaving head and getting CH tattoo
Not having Eller around ‘certainly has helped in the dressing room’: Flynn
Inauguration address will be ‘one of his longest tweets ever’: Trump
Superstars make in a period what average AHL players earn in a career: study
Ducharme touted as Laval coach after juniors dump Sweden 3-0
Dallas plays Subban tribute video before game
Canadiens thrust dagger deep in the heart of Texas with 6-2 win
Montoya should sue – and agent says he will – for non-support after team loses 8-1
Jan. 3
Subban says he damaged back ‘carrying the Canadiens all those years’
Singer booed for lip-syncing anthem
Players love new Star Trek-style gates; ‘they make a little whoosh when they open’
NHL, NHLPA compromise on Olympics: only third-liners will be allowed to go
New rule for entry draft: team picking No. 1 must fire GM, coach first
Trump to keep business empire but ‘will stay involved just on weekends’
This Day in History: 97 per cent have broken their resolutions by now
Weber makes rounds of Nashville radio, TV stations reliving favourite Pred moments
Cherry says Matthews ‘might even be better than Orr’
Weber plays 40 minutes but manages just two points in Habs’ 5-2 win
Therrien meets privately with Muller after special teams finish -4
Dec. 29
Price pummels cameraman with blocker, boos anthem singer
Bartlett interviews aunt during intermission
This Day in History: Fourth Wise Man finally shows up — with a rattle
NHL reluctant to give seal of approval to revolutionary hover blades
Panther rendered 2D after being flattened by 2 D – Emelin, Weber
Gallagher’s goal drought continues despite 15 shots, five from centre ice
Tributes pour in for Alfredsson; ‘he’s one turd who wasn’t crappy,’ says Hab fan
Panthers red-faced after 5-1 loss to Canadiens
Panthers tickled pink after win over Habs ends losing streak
Dec. 28
Fan feud heats up: Nellies call Pollyannas ‘a bunch of half-fulls’
Pacioretty mistakes talk on radio of ‘cap and trade’ as news he’s gone
More proof parenting should require a licence: kid asks Bettman for autograph
Trump says intelligence briefings ‘bunch of hooey – they’re not brief at all!’
Santa still showing signs of severe sleigh lag
Obama leaves parting gift for his successor: U.S. invades North Korea
Battle of contending teams: Stevie Y vs Bergie How Could You?
Things to do in Tampa: thump the local team 6-2
Things to do in Tampa: blow a two-goal lead and lose 5-4 in OT
Dec. 23
Do you see what I see? Lehktonen’s a stud whose star is shining bright
Troll the ancient yuletide carol: Habs can’t win on the road in December
Corsi, Fenwick take potshots at one another; Corsi claims he threw more
It’s another silent night for Canadiens’ power play
This Day in History: Frosty begins life as a snowball
Kids leave lumps of coal on table after Trump sets the record straight on Santa
It’s the nightmare before Christmas – Montoya relives debacle
O holy cow night! Gallagher scores a hat trick!
Virginia’s on Santa’s naughty list for thinking he’s nought
Sales of frankincense and myrrh soar as hubbies go last-minute shopping
Emelin’s baby girl named Dawn Cherie after father’s staunchest supporter
O, c’mon all you faithful, be joyful that Habs were triumphant
Montreal’s lack of drive cannon aiding: Canadiens soundly whipped in Columbus
Dec. 22
Habs play great second, third periods but the first was no hell
This Day in History: Study confirms passenger pigeon shot yesterday was the last one
Sleigh shakeup: Dasher moved to fourth pairing
Goalie masks sporting nude pinup girls ‘growing concern’ for NHL
Cracks in Dallas ice blamed on fracking
Fights on the decline after linesmen given Tasers
Gallagher will shave part of his head after every game he goes scoreless
Bobby grounded after eating all the remaining days in his Advent calendar
Minnesota not wild about Carey, blanked on 11 shots
Decision to go with five lines and three defencemen backfires, Habs lose 2-1
Dec. 20
CCM recalls 2.7 million hockey sticks
Trump extends victory tour into summer 2017, last stop Moscow
Gallagher turns to psychoanalytics to bust out of slump
Fairies file lawsuit over lack of diversity in Santa’s workshop
‘Not cool’ hockey mitts taken off market
Scientists discover two identical snowflakes, suggest uniqueness has limits
Prank involving referee blowing substituted duck whistle goes viral
Muller told to quit recording his memoir during games
Price, Boucher agree to hold glaring contest as fundraiser for charity
Americans have to use proxies in vote on electoral college reform
What the Duck: Feathers fly as Canadiens blast visitors 6-1
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack (Google translation: Anaheim wins 3-2 in OT)
Dec. 17
Eller surprised ex-teammates by meeting them at the airport
Poll question: Yes or No?
Suspect in theft of presents from Whoville described as green with ‘weird fingers’
Trump wants to be called executive producer of the United States
Crash test dummies face uncertain future as driverless cars become the norm
Dozens concussed downtown when flatbed overturns, sending fruitcakes flying
This Day in History: President-elect Reagan vows to cut down on movie roles
Price regains form while Therrien stays true to his, juggling lines
Habs down Caps 5-1; Therrien hospitalized after first intermission ‘mishap’
Coach ‘had to go to the washroom’ after pulling Price in 4-1 loss
Dec. 16
Canadiens release Greatest Hits DVD: Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em, Em’
This Day in History: Tommy’s mom buys him pylons to replace his boots as goalposts
Legalized marijuana mellowing players, teams tell them to ‘Hit or get off the pot’
Russian hackers leak Santa’s naughty list, including surveillance footage
Newly discovered dinosaur remains preserved in amber reveal they wore hats
Habs considering ranked ballots in next captain’s vote
No POTUS for Trump, it’s FLATUS – Friggin’ Lunatic At Top Undermining System
Castro eulogy comes to an end
Emelin hip check knocks Thorton’s beard loose, Canadiens win 4-2
Rouge billows started spreading after Sharks knife the Habs
Dec. 12
Up 7-0 late in first period, Therrien calls timeout to explain The Code to players
Pacioretty now on pace to score 50
Trump insists military-style uniforms for Cabinet members 'not a fascist statement'
Young Hab fans want to take Bruins home 'cuz they're so cuddly'
Desharnais lands key role in local production of A Christmas Carol
Chara showing signs of age, his knuckles are balding
Julien blasts Canadiens for 'embellishing' the score in 8-2 rout
Ill-timed Emelin hip check – 37 seconds into game – sparks Bruins' victory
Dec. 10
Pop star booed after singing anthem in Klingon
Desharnais assured regular shift upon return, 'even if Habs on 15-game winning streak'
Lemonade stand forced to close after Trump tweets 'the little girl was arrogant'
Teams to imbed chips in skate blades to track players' time spent in each zone
Canadiens reveal Petry played month of November with a hangnail
Santa to cut costs, won't deliver to children “who don't eat their vegetables'
McCarron used sparingly, opens gate for line changes
You call that an Avalanche? A snowball packs more punch
Colorado leaves Montreal on a high
Dec. 8
Therrien rushed to hospital after panic attack: ‘Davey’s gone HOW long?’
Gallagher gets off the schneid against Schneider
Is man mountain’s play beginning to show signs of erosion?
Another misfire for Vegas execs, learn Redblacks name already taken
PepsiCo shares plunge after Trump tweets ‘half-empty’ bag of Frito-Lay chips ‘a rip-off’
Injuries, sickness, Therrien – it’s one thing after another for Canadiens
Spectacular collision behind net; Hall, Emelin suffer upper, middle, lower body injuries
Fans offered prize who can name coach of New Jersey
Habs scorch the Devils, coach what’s-his-name is steamed
Coach whoosis, youngest in the league, celebrates 51st career win
Today’s question: What’s the difference between billionaires Bill Gates and Donald Trump? Gates is an outlier; Trump’s an outright liar
Dec. 6
Hitchcock calls Shaw a ‘psycho’ after Hab forward fires puck into Blues’ bench
It’s in for Flynn as fourth-liner scores his first – and probably last – goal of the season
Keep playing like this, Pacioretty’s middle initial could turn out to be V
Fake sports stories have Leaf fans believing their team is in first place
Muller overheard asking Yeo for advice on how to succeed in hockey
Four-point performance has Desharnais the centre of heated trade rumours
NHL taking it on the chin for pulling McDavid from game for safety reasons
Rocket Radulov carries three guys on his back, including DD, for winning goal
Things go kablooey for Montooey in St. Looey
Dec. 4
Desharnais: time to turn the page on a feel-good story that has fans feeling mad
Giving up Pateryn was key to landing Tavares in six-player swap: Bergevin
Weber miffed Therrien asking him to carry puck 30 feet farther up ice
Bar waitress claims several Habs hit on her 'but the little guy wasn't one of them'
Trump impressed by 'young'un doing a terrific job as leader of North Korea'
Knights say “nothing mischievous intended' by putting slot machines in visitors' dressing room
For Montreal the sport of kings is knocking them off to end road woes
Two guesses minus one on score of Canadiens' latest defeat
Dec. 2
Habs lineup depleted as Santa orders moonlighting elves back to the shop
No wonder Desharnais loves trips to the West Coast, he’s a Pacifist
Revolutionary cellulose hockey stick ‘hardly ever breaks’
Anthem-playing accordionist misinterprets standing ovation, does two encores
Therrien says ‘chemistry’ reason for Pleks line ‘flying higher than a kite’
Bergevin discounts rumours he’s shopping all-star goalie to Price-conscious GMs
Granny sees Patches play hockey for first time – but it's fourth time this season for fans
Canadiens throw monkey in a sharkskin suit off their backs with 4-2 win
Road trip, fall, smash face into ground – yeah, it must be California
Nov. 29
Panthers say cab fare compensation sought by Gallant ‘truly classless’
Canadiens continue to lead NHL but Hab fans aren’t too happy about it
Another thrilling Grey Cup – but did Toronto even notice?
Trump won’t play favourites with presidential pardons – ‘same fee for all’
Criticized for non-criticism, Trudeau now says Castro ‘could be verbose’
NHL planning Habs-Sens Heritage Classic on ice floe in Gulf of St. Lawrence
Controversy still rages: What idiots would name a hockey team after ducks?
Desharnais useless but not friendless, he has a coach who is clueless
Will Rowe’s ROW wow?
Anaheim roasted as Canadiens serve up duck la bleu-blanc-et-rouge
Loss to Ducks leaves Bergevin in a fowl mood, but trade rumours have him Fowler
Nov. 26
Therrien, Muller re-establish cordial relations – a ‘rapprochement’ says Kirk
Hab fans still talking about Eller has even Subban wondering why
Pacioretty named first star, sends Desharnais out to take bow
Knights will stuff roster with goons ‘because we’re multi-evil’: GM
Oilers first in their division ‘could be evidence of a time warp’: scientists
Trump Foundation asked to explain monthly donations of millions in rubles
Arbitrator rules NHL refs can’t bet on games they officiate
Price scores empty net goal, shot goes in off teammate, Wings tie game
Canadiens do what Jets couldn’t: get a win on a five-game road trip
Habs commit original sin against Original Six foe: bite the big one
Nov. 24
NB: MB sends down MB
Golden Knights sign deal with Shining Under Armour
Why Muller communicates better with his lapel mike than his coach Mike
Plekanec’s shooting practice with broad side of barn doesn’t go well
Beaulieu has trouble swallowing, but GM’s more concerned with Habs choking
Forwards resent Therrien calling them his ‘dumplings’
Desharnais records three hits: two posts and an empty net
Trump: Climate change ‘might be why’ his Mar-a-Lago’s two feet under water
HIO children’s book – Where’s Patches, DD and Pleko? — ideal for Christmas
Price the calm in the eye of the Hurricanes, records third shutout of season
Montreal calls up Lefebvre, Therrien gets keys to the doghouse from Pateryn
Nov. 22
Las Vegas introduces mascot, scantily clad showgirl called Penny Less
Camera catches Muller using megaphone to get Therrien’s attention
Owner ‘fesses up: ‘Yeah, you’re right, it should be Centurions, not Senators’
Trump names Clinton secretary of state ‘responsible for getting coffees’
Senators mock Desharnais, tape ‘Hit me’ signs on backs
Byron: a Pyatt who can score
Molson goes on YouTube to defend Pacioretty, Plekanec
Ottawa likes Condonments more than Hamburglar
Gallagher hat trick the difference but everyone raving about ‘li’l Davey’s hit’
They’re not from the government and they didn’t come here to help
Nov. 19
Team hasn't forgotten what happened last year, so why is history repeating itself?
Perfume-maker launches CHanel No. 51: 'More than a scent. Scenter – It lingers'
Sources say Trump growing 'swoop' beard to look 'presidential'
Can't score, Plekanec grudgingly agrees to give passing a shot
FBI confirms 60,000-plus emails were 'mostly cat videos'
Gallagher practising deflections off head, knee, rear, ankle to end scoring slump
Hab sharpshooters rake the Leafs
It's official – Canadiens are skidding
Nov. 18
Slot machines in Las Vegas rink replace fruits with players' faces
Trump 'looking forward to Russian sleepover with BFF Vladdy'
Therrien changes expression behind bench
Special edition of Clinton memoir will feature genuine tear-stained pages
Fans direct venom at snakebitten Plekanec
Trump 'proud to make White House white again'
NHL agrees to take part in Olympics '$ubject to certain condition$'
Obama to preserve legacy by carving initials in West Wing
Bettman apology for 'existence' fails to win over fans
Desharnais-Plekanec-Terry: Doesn't shoot – doesn't pass – doesn't
Montreal fails to impress with sloppy 7-1 win
Hurricanes blow past Canadiens 4-0
Nov. 15
Therrien clarifies remark about Desharnais' status: 'He's used less, not useless'
Pateryn back in lineup, but on short choke chain
Coyotes knuckle under to taxpayers, agree to cover half the cost of new arena
Flyers' signing of truculent alt-right winger has Simmonds worried about future
Another change in plans: U.S.-Mexico wall to be three feet high but 'pointy'
Price in the zone, adopts Dryden stance while Panthers have a power play
Gallagher breaks out of slump, crashes goalie seven times
Fourth-line puds turn Panthers into puddy-tats, Habs win 5-2
Lost track of periods, Therrien pulls Price in second, Florida prevails 4-2
Nov. 13
Summit news
Annual gathering huge success, fewer arrests this year
Ecstatic over team’s winning, long-time poster adopts new moniker: JollyJim
Front pleads for re-instatement, agrees to three-drink limit before posting
Poster of the Year Award to be given out annually at Summit
‘Too early to call me a genius, wily will do,” Bergevin tells reporters
Trump to appoint family trustees, partners to cabinet: ‘No conflict here, we all get along’
Therrien has eyes set on record-setting five-loss season
Flames, Canucks shake things up, swap names
Coach’s Challenge modified: written submissions required
Trump tweets: ‘Can’t wait to meet PM Trudeau. His wife is HOT!!!’
Las Vegas team to experiment with scratch game tickets
Team makes amends, Montoya faces only 11 shots in 3-0 win
57 saves not enough, Montoya, Habs lose 1-0 in OT
Nov. 10
Trump warns Obama 'think twice' about planting IEDs in Oval Office
Healthy as a pony,' Desharnais mystified by benching
Trump tweets: 'Proud to be chief of the bawdy politic'
Pateryn back in doghouse, Markov still on leave from retirement home
Clinton's diary entry, 'What went wrong?!!!,' shows up on Wikileaks
New system: Every shot over 25 'will cost 'em,' Price tells teammates
Distraught Clinton taking month off before launching 2020 presidential bid
Therrien says Andrighetto 'played okay' in five-point splurge that leads Habs to win
'I think the team missed Davey's spark,' Therrien says after 4-1 loss
Nov. 8
If Trump wins
New prez sez publisher of Times will serve time
Experts say cause of 'blushing' Statue of Liberty 'could be rust'
Trump cancels all trade deals, hockey GMs worry what's next
Trump gleefully releases tax returns, trillions in deductions called 'questionable'
Trump says tax cuts to wealthy will be covered by 'stiffing the Canadians'
'Told you the election was rigged!' beaming Trump says after winning 47 states
Trump supported wife's cyber-bullying campaign, then found out she's against it
Trump names Putin 'special adviser' on free press, civil liberties, climate change
'Tired' White House to get coat of gold paint
Trump will grant pardon if Clinton 'gets on her knees and begs for mercy'
If Clinton wins
Ecstatic Clinton thanks her 'adorables' for deciding the election
Trump gets stood up by date with destiny
Clinton says tax on ultra-rich will underwrite new program for poor, DonaldCares
Trump's hair catches fire after losing candidate goes ballistic
Clinton plans to hold invitation-only inaugural address, charge guests $500,000
Clinton's stamina questioned after she nods off during victory speech
Clinton to hire 2,000 special agents to speed up IRS audits
Clinton vows private server will have 'the latest in security software'
Bill Clinton pushes for roving ambassadorship to college campuses
Early morning raids on gun owners catches NRA by surprise
Price says 5-1 win 'nothing compared to first woman being elected president'
Therrien blames 8-0 loss on dressing room division over Trump, Clinton
Nov. 5
Montoya sits with players on bench as team shows solidarity
Desharnais’ TOI reduced to 3:04, finishes even with empty net goal
‘Never saw it coming,” Therrien says, after Radulov fist pump goes high
Vacancy sign spotted in Canadiens foxhole
Hickey still missing, luggage files abbreviated game report
City of Brotherly Love prepares for armed insurrection/celebration after election
Wikileaks revelation: Clinton considered sex change to boost presidential bid
Price’s pre-game pep talk — ‘Win this one for Lamb Chop’ – rallies team to victory
Canadiens blanked again, but hold Flyers to a touchdown
Nov. 4
Canadiens' record near perfect, but fans still lament the point that got away
Therrien bows to public demand, Desharnais no longer on PP – will kill penalties
HI/O Show shakeup: Kelly replaces Susser as host, Nilan told to lighten up
Trouba presses trade demand, pins GM against the wall with SUV
Condon – ex-Hab, ex-Penguin -- ex-cellent in winning debut
Montoya doesn't allow a single goal in a shootout, Habs win 4-3
Trade rumours heat up after Canadiens lose first game in regulation
Nov. 2
It's Mo-vember for Canadiens who look to continue their mo-mentum
Desperate for scoring, Canucks scouring industrial leagues for 'hidden gems'
Kadri's Cadre tout hero's manhandling of Edmonton superstar
Halloween Bettman home egging being investigated; '500 dozen easily': police
Boost in production of breakable sticks wasn't enough to save Bauer
Now IRS steps into the U.S. election, says Trump audit completed
Clinton abandons email, all correspondence to be carried by homeless pigeons
A World Series first: Cubs, Indians agree to tie after 31 innings, 24 errors
Lumbering defenceman logs 30 minutes, Weber named first star in Habs' 4-1 win
Vancouver doubles up Montreal 4-2, Sedin twins pot a pair apiece
Oct. 29
IceCaps recall Carr, after complaints about horsepower
Condon controversy: Will be he be waived, traded, scratched, donated?
Sergachev to be moved upfront to form five-man ‘Red Army’ unit
New HI/O Show segment – panelists debate issues one-on-one – called ‘F-Off’
Therrien knocked down in parking lot, Radulov says his car slid on slick asphalt
Scandal-free McMullin pulls even with Trump, Clinton in polls
Clinton flees restaurant after Don the waiter said he’d be her server
Matthews amazes, Marner dazzles, Andersen fizzles, Toronto loozes
Habs blow game on bad line change as MT, Muller argue who’s on next
Oct. 27
War of words: Lightning ‘a flash in the panhandle,’ ‘Canadihens a bunch of CHickens’
Subban ‘sick and tired’ of hearing how great Weber is
Carr worries about rust being left out of lineup
Therrien hit by hard hat as fans celebrate Radulov’s three goals
Bennett asked to ‘tart it up’ as HI/O Show ratings plummet
Win number seven for Habs but loss of Price, Montoya could prove costly
Lightning strike thrice in last minute to edge Canadiens
Oct. 26
Sergachev studying film, working out, learning French swear words
Emelin, Weber – things that go bump in the night
New York signs European scoring sensation: Noman is an Islander*
Numbers don’t lie, they’re just misunderstood: analytics guys
Therrien called ‘a nasty coach’ after running up score in lopsided victory
New York wins on penalty shot in shootout
Oct. 24
Beer keg at bench a hit with Habs, but Gatorade 'very unhappy'
Streit sets record straight, he's not in dire straits, although he's still a Flyer
Shaw breathes sigh of relief, won't have to worry about Weise running around
“My fault,' Therrien says after toe broken by Radulov on way to dressing room
Plekanec earns five assists in win, as wingers pounce on rebounds
Blankety-blanks blank the bleu-blanc-et-rouge
Oct. 22
League orders seven goalies to replace creepy clown masks
Players agree, hugs from Muller after every shift ‘kinda neat’
League orders Marchand to wear a mask
Galchenyuk wins faceoff, scores on own net
Arena security mistake Bettman for creepy clown, harsh words exchanged
Therrien sporting shiner after unexpected high five from Radulov ‘misfires’
Markov still the general, but Weber’s the minister of defence
Frontenac’s HIO ban headed to Supreme Court of Canada
Wikileaks revelation: Clinton plans to turn ‘deplorables’ into cheap zombie labour
Trump backtracks on trade front, after vowing to ‘sever ties with reality’
World’s largest pylon -5 as Habs rout Bruins 7-2
Defence cough up puck but Canadiens still choke, squandering two-goal lead
Oct. 20
Sergachev sets record straight, he wasn't -1 in shutout win over Pens
Pateryn a healthy scratch despite buying game tickets for 40 relatives
Muller spotted booing Therrien behind his hand
Canadiens testing fans' patience with special ceremony for second home game
Flu returns, Price listed as month-to-month
Therrien dislocates shoulder after bumping into Radulov on street
The Biggest Loser – presidential debate turned reality show – a ratings hit
Seven points out of eight might not be enough to save Therrien's job
Canadien roadrunners leave Coyotes in the dust, under a boulder
Habs lose game on controversial goal; replay
inconclusive puck thrown in from blue line
Oct. 18
Condon says no hard feelings after being put on waivers by 'idiot GM'
'That was close!' Therrien says after Radulov deflects pass into bench
Fans wondering if C on Pacioretty's sweater stands for Comatose
Dr. Frankenstein tells Habs Price surgery a 'no-brainer'
Take a number, Trump tells latest accuser
Galchenyuk 0-for-10 on faceoffs, 4-for-4 on shots
Fans chant 'Eller' as Habs fall 3-0
Oct. 15
Shaw dodges bullet on slewfoot; league says it will use shotgun next time
Rumours fly Price has triple pneumonia
Crosby fully recovered from concussion – and can now speak Latin!
Andrighetto clears waivers, deportation hearing set for tomorrow
Slewfoots on the decline but players getting grabbed in the groin more often
'Freak accident,' Therrien says after getting nicked in practice by Radulov skate
Montoya's play erases memories of Price
Montoya's play revives memories of Condon
Oct. 13
Montreal sportswriter mugged in Nashville, Subban jersey stolen
Radulov's errant stick leaving bench 'a glancing blow,' Therrien says
Price fitted for special brace as flu takes turn for the worse
Austin has powers, he's a golden team member
Thousands at Trump rally report seeing creepy clown at podium
Under pressure, Gazette renames What the Puck? column Locker Room Banter
Three power-play goals? No way! Habs down Sabres 4-2
Montoya put on waivers during second intermission
Jan. 9
Speedy recovery for Byron, natch
Eller scores on power play, tosses puck to Therrien
Habs honour coach’s 400th win, captain’s 8th OT winner, trainer’s 1st practice mishap
Trudeau launches grassroots tour by meeting with fourth-liners before game
Five Canadiens injured in chain collision stepping on the ice for warmup
Feds bringing back the penny to revive flagging market for thoughts
Streep’s overrated, Arnold’s a ratings dud, Bugs Bunny’s ‘annoying’: Trump
Who’s healthier? Habs missing six starters but Caps have Trotz
Ole, ole, ole never sounded better
4-1 loss has Canadiens looking ahead to next game on road
Jan. 7
Gallagher questions Dr. Strangeglove about permanent loss of feeling in injured hand
Vegas will use Antarctica ice in arena as ‘novelty’ attraction
Scherbak’s assignment: stand in front of net when Canadiens have power play
MB has paramedics, IceCaps, NHL GMs on speed dial as Habs take on the Leafs
Weber tells teammates he’ll do his best ‘to fire no lifters’
IceCaps sign John Scott to fill – big time! — roster spot in diminished lineup
Uh-oh, Bettman thinks shootout ‘was a splendid way to decide a champion’
Auston’s powers no match for Price’s wizardry
Habs get spanked by young Leafs but it’s their fans who spend the night wailing
Meanwhile south of the border:
Trump won’t accept Russians behind hacking unless ‘Vladdy ‘fesses up’
U.S to tighten security along Canadian border by posting No Trespassing signs
Republicans set to repeal Obamacare and replace it with WeDon’tCare
Only ‘stupid’ Americans – those who pay taxes – will foot bill for Mexican wall: Trump
Jan. 4
Stuck at three goals, Plekanec says he’ll ‘turn it up a notch in the playoffs’
Injured Habs form country-rock band, ‘hurtin’ songs’ their specialty
Price tells reporters he doesn’t know where team would be without Therrien
Bergevin keeping low profile since shaving head and getting CH tattoo
Not having Eller around ‘certainly has helped in the dressing room’: Flynn
Inauguration address will be ‘one of his longest tweets ever’: Trump
Superstars make in a period what average AHL players earn in a career: study
Ducharme touted as Laval coach after juniors dump Sweden 3-0
Dallas plays Subban tribute video before game
Canadiens thrust dagger deep in the heart of Texas with 6-2 win
Montoya should sue – and agent says he will – for non-support after team loses 8-1
Jan. 3
Subban says he damaged back ‘carrying the Canadiens all those years’
Singer booed for lip-syncing anthem
Players love new Star Trek-style gates; ‘they make a little whoosh when they open’
NHL, NHLPA compromise on Olympics: only third-liners will be allowed to go
New rule for entry draft: team picking No. 1 must fire GM, coach first
Trump to keep business empire but ‘will stay involved just on weekends’
This Day in History: 97 per cent have broken their resolutions by now
Weber makes rounds of Nashville radio, TV stations reliving favourite Pred moments
Cherry says Matthews ‘might even be better than Orr’
Weber plays 40 minutes but manages just two points in Habs’ 5-2 win
Therrien meets privately with Muller after special teams finish -4
Dec. 29
Price pummels cameraman with blocker, boos anthem singer
Bartlett interviews aunt during intermission
This Day in History: Fourth Wise Man finally shows up — with a rattle
NHL reluctant to give seal of approval to revolutionary hover blades
Panther rendered 2D after being flattened by 2 D – Emelin, Weber
Gallagher’s goal drought continues despite 15 shots, five from centre ice
Tributes pour in for Alfredsson; ‘he’s one turd who wasn’t crappy,’ says Hab fan
Panthers red-faced after 5-1 loss to Canadiens
Panthers tickled pink after win over Habs ends losing streak
Dec. 28
Fan feud heats up: Nellies call Pollyannas ‘a bunch of half-fulls’
Pacioretty mistakes talk on radio of ‘cap and trade’ as news he’s gone
More proof parenting should require a licence: kid asks Bettman for autograph
Trump says intelligence briefings ‘bunch of hooey – they’re not brief at all!’
Santa still showing signs of severe sleigh lag
Obama leaves parting gift for his successor: U.S. invades North Korea
Battle of contending teams: Stevie Y vs Bergie How Could You?
Things to do in Tampa: thump the local team 6-2
Things to do in Tampa: blow a two-goal lead and lose 5-4 in OT
Dec. 23
Do you see what I see? Lehktonen’s a stud whose star is shining bright
Troll the ancient yuletide carol: Habs can’t win on the road in December
Corsi, Fenwick take potshots at one another; Corsi claims he threw more
It’s another silent night for Canadiens’ power play
This Day in History: Frosty begins life as a snowball
Kids leave lumps of coal on table after Trump sets the record straight on Santa
It’s the nightmare before Christmas – Montoya relives debacle
O holy cow night! Gallagher scores a hat trick!
Virginia’s on Santa’s naughty list for thinking he’s nought
Sales of frankincense and myrrh soar as hubbies go last-minute shopping
Emelin’s baby girl named Dawn Cherie after father’s staunchest supporter
O, c’mon all you faithful, be joyful that Habs were triumphant
Montreal’s lack of drive cannon aiding: Canadiens soundly whipped in Columbus
Dec. 22
Habs play great second, third periods but the first was no hell
This Day in History: Study confirms passenger pigeon shot yesterday was the last one
Sleigh shakeup: Dasher moved to fourth pairing
Goalie masks sporting nude pinup girls ‘growing concern’ for NHL
Cracks in Dallas ice blamed on fracking
Fights on the decline after linesmen given Tasers
Gallagher will shave part of his head after every game he goes scoreless
Bobby grounded after eating all the remaining days in his Advent calendar
Minnesota not wild about Carey, blanked on 11 shots
Decision to go with five lines and three defencemen backfires, Habs lose 2-1
Dec. 20
CCM recalls 2.7 million hockey sticks
Trump extends victory tour into summer 2017, last stop Moscow
Gallagher turns to psychoanalytics to bust out of slump
Fairies file lawsuit over lack of diversity in Santa’s workshop
‘Not cool’ hockey mitts taken off market
Scientists discover two identical snowflakes, suggest uniqueness has limits
Prank involving referee blowing substituted duck whistle goes viral
Muller told to quit recording his memoir during games
Price, Boucher agree to hold glaring contest as fundraiser for charity
Americans have to use proxies in vote on electoral college reform
What the Duck: Feathers fly as Canadiens blast visitors 6-1
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack (Google translation: Anaheim wins 3-2 in OT)
Dec. 17
Eller surprised ex-teammates by meeting them at the airport
Poll question: Yes or No?
Suspect in theft of presents from Whoville described as green with ‘weird fingers’
Trump wants to be called executive producer of the United States
Crash test dummies face uncertain future as driverless cars become the norm
Dozens concussed downtown when flatbed overturns, sending fruitcakes flying
This Day in History: President-elect Reagan vows to cut down on movie roles
Price regains form while Therrien stays true to his, juggling lines
Habs down Caps 5-1; Therrien hospitalized after first intermission ‘mishap’
Coach ‘had to go to the washroom’ after pulling Price in 4-1 loss
Dec. 16
Canadiens release Greatest Hits DVD: Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em, Em’
This Day in History: Tommy’s mom buys him pylons to replace his boots as goalposts
Legalized marijuana mellowing players, teams tell them to ‘Hit or get off the pot’
Russian hackers leak Santa’s naughty list, including surveillance footage
Newly discovered dinosaur remains preserved in amber reveal they wore hats
Habs considering ranked ballots in next captain’s vote
No POTUS for Trump, it’s FLATUS – Friggin’ Lunatic At Top Undermining System
Castro eulogy comes to an end
Emelin hip check knocks Thorton’s beard loose, Canadiens win 4-2
Rouge billows started spreading after Sharks knife the Habs
Dec. 12
Up 7-0 late in first period, Therrien calls timeout to explain The Code to players
Pacioretty now on pace to score 50
Trump insists military-style uniforms for Cabinet members 'not a fascist statement'
Young Hab fans want to take Bruins home 'cuz they're so cuddly'
Desharnais lands key role in local production of A Christmas Carol
Chara showing signs of age, his knuckles are balding
Julien blasts Canadiens for 'embellishing' the score in 8-2 rout
Ill-timed Emelin hip check – 37 seconds into game – sparks Bruins' victory
Dec. 10
Pop star booed after singing anthem in Klingon
Desharnais assured regular shift upon return, 'even if Habs on 15-game winning streak'
Lemonade stand forced to close after Trump tweets 'the little girl was arrogant'
Teams to imbed chips in skate blades to track players' time spent in each zone
Canadiens reveal Petry played month of November with a hangnail
Santa to cut costs, won't deliver to children “who don't eat their vegetables'
McCarron used sparingly, opens gate for line changes
You call that an Avalanche? A snowball packs more punch
Colorado leaves Montreal on a high
Dec. 8
Therrien rushed to hospital after panic attack: ‘Davey’s gone HOW long?’
Gallagher gets off the schneid against Schneider
Is man mountain’s play beginning to show signs of erosion?
Another misfire for Vegas execs, learn Redblacks name already taken
PepsiCo shares plunge after Trump tweets ‘half-empty’ bag of Frito-Lay chips ‘a rip-off’
Injuries, sickness, Therrien – it’s one thing after another for Canadiens
Spectacular collision behind net; Hall, Emelin suffer upper, middle, lower body injuries
Fans offered prize who can name coach of New Jersey
Habs scorch the Devils, coach what’s-his-name is steamed
Coach whoosis, youngest in the league, celebrates 51st career win
Today’s question: What’s the difference between billionaires Bill Gates and Donald Trump? Gates is an outlier; Trump’s an outright liar
Dec. 6
Hitchcock calls Shaw a ‘psycho’ after Hab forward fires puck into Blues’ bench
It’s in for Flynn as fourth-liner scores his first – and probably last – goal of the season
Keep playing like this, Pacioretty’s middle initial could turn out to be V
Fake sports stories have Leaf fans believing their team is in first place
Muller overheard asking Yeo for advice on how to succeed in hockey
Four-point performance has Desharnais the centre of heated trade rumours
NHL taking it on the chin for pulling McDavid from game for safety reasons
Rocket Radulov carries three guys on his back, including DD, for winning goal
Things go kablooey for Montooey in St. Looey
Dec. 4
Desharnais: time to turn the page on a feel-good story that has fans feeling mad
Giving up Pateryn was key to landing Tavares in six-player swap: Bergevin
Weber miffed Therrien asking him to carry puck 30 feet farther up ice
Bar waitress claims several Habs hit on her 'but the little guy wasn't one of them'
Trump impressed by 'young'un doing a terrific job as leader of North Korea'
Knights say “nothing mischievous intended' by putting slot machines in visitors' dressing room
For Montreal the sport of kings is knocking them off to end road woes
Two guesses minus one on score of Canadiens' latest defeat
Dec. 2
Habs lineup depleted as Santa orders moonlighting elves back to the shop
No wonder Desharnais loves trips to the West Coast, he’s a Pacifist
Revolutionary cellulose hockey stick ‘hardly ever breaks’
Anthem-playing accordionist misinterprets standing ovation, does two encores
Therrien says ‘chemistry’ reason for Pleks line ‘flying higher than a kite’
Bergevin discounts rumours he’s shopping all-star goalie to Price-conscious GMs
Granny sees Patches play hockey for first time – but it's fourth time this season for fans
Canadiens throw monkey in a sharkskin suit off their backs with 4-2 win
Road trip, fall, smash face into ground – yeah, it must be California
Nov. 29
Panthers say cab fare compensation sought by Gallant ‘truly classless’
Canadiens continue to lead NHL but Hab fans aren’t too happy about it
Another thrilling Grey Cup – but did Toronto even notice?
Trump won’t play favourites with presidential pardons – ‘same fee for all’
Criticized for non-criticism, Trudeau now says Castro ‘could be verbose’
NHL planning Habs-Sens Heritage Classic on ice floe in Gulf of St. Lawrence
Controversy still rages: What idiots would name a hockey team after ducks?
Desharnais useless but not friendless, he has a coach who is clueless
Will Rowe’s ROW wow?
Anaheim roasted as Canadiens serve up duck la bleu-blanc-et-rouge
Loss to Ducks leaves Bergevin in a fowl mood, but trade rumours have him Fowler
Nov. 26
Therrien, Muller re-establish cordial relations – a ‘rapprochement’ says Kirk
Hab fans still talking about Eller has even Subban wondering why
Pacioretty named first star, sends Desharnais out to take bow
Knights will stuff roster with goons ‘because we’re multi-evil’: GM
Oilers first in their division ‘could be evidence of a time warp’: scientists
Trump Foundation asked to explain monthly donations of millions in rubles
Arbitrator rules NHL refs can’t bet on games they officiate
Price scores empty net goal, shot goes in off teammate, Wings tie game
Canadiens do what Jets couldn’t: get a win on a five-game road trip
Habs commit original sin against Original Six foe: bite the big one
Nov. 24
NB: MB sends down MB
Golden Knights sign deal with Shining Under Armour
Why Muller communicates better with his lapel mike than his coach Mike
Plekanec’s shooting practice with broad side of barn doesn’t go well
Beaulieu has trouble swallowing, but GM’s more concerned with Habs choking
Forwards resent Therrien calling them his ‘dumplings’
Desharnais records three hits: two posts and an empty net
Trump: Climate change ‘might be why’ his Mar-a-Lago’s two feet under water
HIO children’s book – Where’s Patches, DD and Pleko? — ideal for Christmas
Price the calm in the eye of the Hurricanes, records third shutout of season
Montreal calls up Lefebvre, Therrien gets keys to the doghouse from Pateryn
Nov. 22
Las Vegas introduces mascot, scantily clad showgirl called Penny Less
Camera catches Muller using megaphone to get Therrien’s attention
Owner ‘fesses up: ‘Yeah, you’re right, it should be Centurions, not Senators’
Trump names Clinton secretary of state ‘responsible for getting coffees’
Senators mock Desharnais, tape ‘Hit me’ signs on backs
Byron: a Pyatt who can score
Molson goes on YouTube to defend Pacioretty, Plekanec
Ottawa likes Condonments more than Hamburglar
Gallagher hat trick the difference but everyone raving about ‘li’l Davey’s hit’
They’re not from the government and they didn’t come here to help
Nov. 19
Team hasn't forgotten what happened last year, so why is history repeating itself?
Perfume-maker launches CHanel No. 51: 'More than a scent. Scenter – It lingers'
Sources say Trump growing 'swoop' beard to look 'presidential'
Can't score, Plekanec grudgingly agrees to give passing a shot
FBI confirms 60,000-plus emails were 'mostly cat videos'
Gallagher practising deflections off head, knee, rear, ankle to end scoring slump
Hab sharpshooters rake the Leafs
It's official – Canadiens are skidding
Nov. 18
Slot machines in Las Vegas rink replace fruits with players' faces
Trump 'looking forward to Russian sleepover with BFF Vladdy'
Therrien changes expression behind bench
Special edition of Clinton memoir will feature genuine tear-stained pages
Fans direct venom at snakebitten Plekanec
Trump 'proud to make White House white again'
NHL agrees to take part in Olympics '$ubject to certain condition$'
Obama to preserve legacy by carving initials in West Wing
Bettman apology for 'existence' fails to win over fans
Desharnais-Plekanec-Terry: Doesn't shoot – doesn't pass – doesn't
Montreal fails to impress with sloppy 7-1 win
Hurricanes blow past Canadiens 4-0
Nov. 15
Therrien clarifies remark about Desharnais' status: 'He's used less, not useless'
Pateryn back in lineup, but on short choke chain
Coyotes knuckle under to taxpayers, agree to cover half the cost of new arena
Flyers' signing of truculent alt-right winger has Simmonds worried about future
Another change in plans: U.S.-Mexico wall to be three feet high but 'pointy'
Price in the zone, adopts Dryden stance while Panthers have a power play
Gallagher breaks out of slump, crashes goalie seven times
Fourth-line puds turn Panthers into puddy-tats, Habs win 5-2
Lost track of periods, Therrien pulls Price in second, Florida prevails 4-2
Nov. 13
Summit news
Annual gathering huge success, fewer arrests this year
Ecstatic over team’s winning, long-time poster adopts new moniker: JollyJim
Front pleads for re-instatement, agrees to three-drink limit before posting
Poster of the Year Award to be given out annually at Summit
‘Too early to call me a genius, wily will do,” Bergevin tells reporters
Trump to appoint family trustees, partners to cabinet: ‘No conflict here, we all get along’
Therrien has eyes set on record-setting five-loss season
Flames, Canucks shake things up, swap names
Coach’s Challenge modified: written submissions required
Trump tweets: ‘Can’t wait to meet PM Trudeau. His wife is HOT!!!’
Las Vegas team to experiment with scratch game tickets
Team makes amends, Montoya faces only 11 shots in 3-0 win
57 saves not enough, Montoya, Habs lose 1-0 in OT
Nov. 10
Trump warns Obama 'think twice' about planting IEDs in Oval Office
Healthy as a pony,' Desharnais mystified by benching
Trump tweets: 'Proud to be chief of the bawdy politic'
Pateryn back in doghouse, Markov still on leave from retirement home
Clinton's diary entry, 'What went wrong?!!!,' shows up on Wikileaks
New system: Every shot over 25 'will cost 'em,' Price tells teammates
Distraught Clinton taking month off before launching 2020 presidential bid
Therrien says Andrighetto 'played okay' in five-point splurge that leads Habs to win
'I think the team missed Davey's spark,' Therrien says after 4-1 loss
Nov. 8
If Trump wins
New prez sez publisher of Times will serve time
Experts say cause of 'blushing' Statue of Liberty 'could be rust'
Trump cancels all trade deals, hockey GMs worry what's next
Trump gleefully releases tax returns, trillions in deductions called 'questionable'
Trump says tax cuts to wealthy will be covered by 'stiffing the Canadians'
'Told you the election was rigged!' beaming Trump says after winning 47 states
Trump supported wife's cyber-bullying campaign, then found out she's against it
Trump names Putin 'special adviser' on free press, civil liberties, climate change
'Tired' White House to get coat of gold paint
Trump will grant pardon if Clinton 'gets on her knees and begs for mercy'
If Clinton wins
Ecstatic Clinton thanks her 'adorables' for deciding the election
Trump gets stood up by date with destiny
Clinton says tax on ultra-rich will underwrite new program for poor, DonaldCares
Trump's hair catches fire after losing candidate goes ballistic
Clinton plans to hold invitation-only inaugural address, charge guests $500,000
Clinton's stamina questioned after she nods off during victory speech
Clinton to hire 2,000 special agents to speed up IRS audits
Clinton vows private server will have 'the latest in security software'
Bill Clinton pushes for roving ambassadorship to college campuses
Early morning raids on gun owners catches NRA by surprise
Price says 5-1 win 'nothing compared to first woman being elected president'
Therrien blames 8-0 loss on dressing room division over Trump, Clinton
Nov. 5
Montoya sits with players on bench as team shows solidarity
Desharnais’ TOI reduced to 3:04, finishes even with empty net goal
‘Never saw it coming,” Therrien says, after Radulov fist pump goes high
Vacancy sign spotted in Canadiens foxhole
Hickey still missing, luggage files abbreviated game report
City of Brotherly Love prepares for armed insurrection/celebration after election
Wikileaks revelation: Clinton considered sex change to boost presidential bid
Price’s pre-game pep talk — ‘Win this one for Lamb Chop’ – rallies team to victory
Canadiens blanked again, but hold Flyers to a touchdown
Nov. 4
Canadiens' record near perfect, but fans still lament the point that got away
Therrien bows to public demand, Desharnais no longer on PP – will kill penalties
HI/O Show shakeup: Kelly replaces Susser as host, Nilan told to lighten up
Trouba presses trade demand, pins GM against the wall with SUV
Condon – ex-Hab, ex-Penguin -- ex-cellent in winning debut
Montoya doesn't allow a single goal in a shootout, Habs win 4-3
Trade rumours heat up after Canadiens lose first game in regulation
Nov. 2
It's Mo-vember for Canadiens who look to continue their mo-mentum
Desperate for scoring, Canucks scouring industrial leagues for 'hidden gems'
Kadri's Cadre tout hero's manhandling of Edmonton superstar
Halloween Bettman home egging being investigated; '500 dozen easily': police
Boost in production of breakable sticks wasn't enough to save Bauer
Now IRS steps into the U.S. election, says Trump audit completed
Clinton abandons email, all correspondence to be carried by homeless pigeons
A World Series first: Cubs, Indians agree to tie after 31 innings, 24 errors
Lumbering defenceman logs 30 minutes, Weber named first star in Habs' 4-1 win
Vancouver doubles up Montreal 4-2, Sedin twins pot a pair apiece
Oct. 29
IceCaps recall Carr, after complaints about horsepower
Condon controversy: Will be he be waived, traded, scratched, donated?
Sergachev to be moved upfront to form five-man ‘Red Army’ unit
New HI/O Show segment – panelists debate issues one-on-one – called ‘F-Off’
Therrien knocked down in parking lot, Radulov says his car slid on slick asphalt
Scandal-free McMullin pulls even with Trump, Clinton in polls
Clinton flees restaurant after Don the waiter said he’d be her server
Matthews amazes, Marner dazzles, Andersen fizzles, Toronto loozes
Habs blow game on bad line change as MT, Muller argue who’s on next
Oct. 27
War of words: Lightning ‘a flash in the panhandle,’ ‘Canadihens a bunch of CHickens’
Subban ‘sick and tired’ of hearing how great Weber is
Carr worries about rust being left out of lineup
Therrien hit by hard hat as fans celebrate Radulov’s three goals
Bennett asked to ‘tart it up’ as HI/O Show ratings plummet
Win number seven for Habs but loss of Price, Montoya could prove costly
Lightning strike thrice in last minute to edge Canadiens
Oct. 26
Sergachev studying film, working out, learning French swear words
Emelin, Weber – things that go bump in the night
New York signs European scoring sensation: Noman is an Islander*
Numbers don’t lie, they’re just misunderstood: analytics guys
Therrien called ‘a nasty coach’ after running up score in lopsided victory
New York wins on penalty shot in shootout
Oct. 24
Beer keg at bench a hit with Habs, but Gatorade 'very unhappy'
Streit sets record straight, he's not in dire straits, although he's still a Flyer
Shaw breathes sigh of relief, won't have to worry about Weise running around
“My fault,' Therrien says after toe broken by Radulov on way to dressing room
Plekanec earns five assists in win, as wingers pounce on rebounds
Blankety-blanks blank the bleu-blanc-et-rouge
Oct. 22
League orders seven goalies to replace creepy clown masks
Players agree, hugs from Muller after every shift ‘kinda neat’
League orders Marchand to wear a mask
Galchenyuk wins faceoff, scores on own net
Arena security mistake Bettman for creepy clown, harsh words exchanged
Therrien sporting shiner after unexpected high five from Radulov ‘misfires’
Markov still the general, but Weber’s the minister of defence
Frontenac’s HIO ban headed to Supreme Court of Canada
Wikileaks revelation: Clinton plans to turn ‘deplorables’ into cheap zombie labour
Trump backtracks on trade front, after vowing to ‘sever ties with reality’
World’s largest pylon -5 as Habs rout Bruins 7-2
Defence cough up puck but Canadiens still choke, squandering two-goal lead
Oct. 20
Sergachev sets record straight, he wasn't -1 in shutout win over Pens
Pateryn a healthy scratch despite buying game tickets for 40 relatives
Muller spotted booing Therrien behind his hand
Canadiens testing fans' patience with special ceremony for second home game
Flu returns, Price listed as month-to-month
Therrien dislocates shoulder after bumping into Radulov on street
The Biggest Loser – presidential debate turned reality show – a ratings hit
Seven points out of eight might not be enough to save Therrien's job
Canadien roadrunners leave Coyotes in the dust, under a boulder
Habs lose game on controversial goal; replay
inconclusive puck thrown in from blue line
Oct. 18
Condon says no hard feelings after being put on waivers by 'idiot GM'
'That was close!' Therrien says after Radulov deflects pass into bench
Fans wondering if C on Pacioretty's sweater stands for Comatose
Dr. Frankenstein tells Habs Price surgery a 'no-brainer'
Take a number, Trump tells latest accuser
Galchenyuk 0-for-10 on faceoffs, 4-for-4 on shots
Fans chant 'Eller' as Habs fall 3-0
Oct. 15
Shaw dodges bullet on slewfoot; league says it will use shotgun next time
Rumours fly Price has triple pneumonia
Crosby fully recovered from concussion – and can now speak Latin!
Andrighetto clears waivers, deportation hearing set for tomorrow
Slewfoots on the decline but players getting grabbed in the groin more often
'Freak accident,' Therrien says after getting nicked in practice by Radulov skate
Montoya's play erases memories of Price
Montoya's play revives memories of Condon
Oct. 13
Montreal sportswriter mugged in Nashville, Subban jersey stolen
Radulov's errant stick leaving bench 'a glancing blow,' Therrien says
Price fitted for special brace as flu takes turn for the worse
Austin has powers, he's a golden team member
Thousands at Trump rally report seeing creepy clown at podium
Under pressure, Gazette renames What the Puck? column Locker Room Banter
Three power-play goals? No way! Habs down Sabres 4-2
Montoya put on waivers during second intermission
A note to our reader (yeah, you):
Unfortunately, the site's archivist quit in a snit over not having allowance raised. Flyers have been posted in the neighbourhood to find a replacement to complete the entry of headlines for 2015-16. If interested, submit resume (include references and cash).
Unfortunately, the site's archivist quit in a snit over not having allowance raised. Flyers have been posted in the neighbourhood to find a replacement to complete the entry of headlines for 2015-16. If interested, submit resume (include references and cash).
A season of tomorrow's headlines: 2015-16
Starting with December ...
Dec. 29
Trade of seventh round picks has fans in Montreal, Carolina a-buzz
Hockey websites mulling ban on comments to counter 'troll infestations'
Jeopardy under fire for adding Mass Murderers category
71-save performance 'among his best,' Scrivens says
Habs lose, but .500 record after two games is best in weeks
Dec. 28
Not done tweaking, Bergevin promises more fine-tuning
Andrighetto 'not surprised' ended game playing on fourth line
Carr beginning to wonder if some veterans could make it in the AHL
Hab programmers furiously working on bug fix for Therrien 2.0
Stoked by Scrivens acquisition, re-energized Canadiens thrash Lightning 5-1
Depressed over Tokarski departure, distraught Habs humbled 4-1 in Tampa
Dec. 26
Bergevin told to stop treading water and start trading players
Therrien told to start winning or start packing
Hab goalies told to finish games or they're finished with team
Slumbering power play wakes up, Habs end nightmare of a slump
How bad is it? Team scores one goal ... on own net, Habs lose 1-0
Dec. 22
Pilloried for sitting Andrighetto, Therrien starts him in goal
Hab fans switch plans for parade to funeral procession
Bergevin the trader takes Tokarski off 'untouchable' list
Guys who haven't scored in weeks break out of slump, Habs win 14-2
Canadiens can count on a visit from Krampus this week
Dec. 21
Canadiens deny report Flynn-Emelin schism dividing team
'I don't remember it being this fast,' Tinordi says of first game back
Therrien refuses to answer questions from Habs Quiz after game
Tinordi finishes plus-3, as Habs rout Predators
'What happened to my Davey?' captain asks after lopsided defeat
Dec. 19
Tinordi caught trying to put on McCarron's jersey
Canadiens begin road trip full of hope ... they don't lose eight
Habs don't need to get MOAR bigger, they have to get MOORE better
The day a true star dies, Habs end slump with win over Stars
Bad luck – having Therrien as coach* – continues to plague Canadiens
* :)
Dec. 11
Syrian refugees see first hockey game, say 'Pacioretty sucks'
Ice flooding goes awry, fans flee arena
Weise to try all-wood Dutch skates to break out of slump
Fan schism threatens to tear apart Mecca of hockey commentary
Canadiens snap losing streak, serenade fans with For the First Time in Forever
Seven straight penalties, including two during intermission, sink Habs
Dec. 10
Tinordi warns Beaulieu healthy scratches can leave 'scars'
Canadiens will require future draft picks to get married as part of contract
NHL governors mulling rule change to allow fan's challenge
Tokarski survives 27-shot third period barrage to pick up first win
Mike who? Wings on a roll without their wise man
Dec. 9
Labelled soft by coach, contrite Semin says there's 'no hard feelings' being released
Bergevin orders execs to change phone numbers in wake of league decision
NHL tells candidate cities expansion fee includes monthly newsletter
Habs set NHL record, all six D-men score in game – on end-to-end rushes
Don't ask: Rask up to the task
Marchand breaks nose spearing Hab player
Dec. 5
Condon goes to Eller for advice on building confidence
HIO to limit membership to fans who score 9 or more on quizzes
NHL warned refusing to release non-redacted emails could have 'reperconcussions'
Subban's Hail Mary shot from deep in own end ties game, Habs win in OT
Big wind for the Hurricanes
Dec. 3
Pacioretty sweat 'a friggin' elixir' says Price on return to lineup
Eller stunned by trade to Jets for Byfuglien, Ladd
Another controversy brewing in Chicago: Toews to fight parking ticket
Therrien 'tweaks' back juggling lines, out six weeks
Shots missing net not a concern but missing the boards has Galchenyuk worried
Condon outduels, outscores Holtby, collects first NHL point
Washington, as usual, shows Canada who's boss
Dec. 1
Hudon, Bozon, Gregoire sent up to Montreal for 'conditioning'
$10,000 limit set on holiday gifts as players draw names
Price admits he injured knee filming Under Armour commercial
Torts loses coach's challenge, temper, game
Habs lose but players say 'Therrien not to blame'
Nov. 28
Grey Cup fever sends three Habs to infirmary
Dubinsky suspended one game, Crosby issued warning about trespassing
Marchand's mom agrees with Vigneault: 'I'd rather have Lundqvist as my son'
Eller's blind pass leads to winning goal by Andrighetto
Pacioretty misses open net, Devils tie then win in overtime
Nov. 27
Tinordi teaching Gallagher, Price ropes how to handle not playing
'Didn't come up here to be healthy scratch,” Thomas breaks his own nose
Kassian on the mend. In other news ...
Bud lights it up with pair of goals in NHL debut
Confusion over who's second line trips up Habs in 3-1 loss
Nov. 25
Goalies around league sign 'Get well later' card for Gallagher
States line up for NHL expansion, will build arenas with worker pension funds
Beating Lundqvist is fun, yes? Hell, yeah
Habs ole an egg, lose 2-0
Kreider given a 'talking-to' by refs after pitchforking Price
Nov. 22
Ticats' playoff loss 'too much' for Hab fans
Canadiens send message of condolence to Ticats
Hamilton lacked depth, Therrien says
Andrighetto blaster wins it for Canadiens
Five hurt in morning skate, shorthanded Habs lose 3-2
Nov. 20
Tinordi in lineup, ends hunger strike
Therrien second-guesses hands-on approach after whacking Semin on head
NHL says concussion numbers 'within acceptable limits'
TSN laying off staff, Kypreos, Stock et al remain employed
Price is alright – and more – as Habs win 4-2
Habs erase three-goal first period deficit, lose 7-6
Told he's going to play, Tinordi breaks leg jumping for joy
Tinordi reaches Level 14 in Call of Duty
Tinordi asks UN to intervene, citing 'cruel and unusual non-deployment'
Tinordi says he won't participate in players' Christmas gift exchange
Nov. 19
Semin's release anti-climatic end to experiment on wing
Rip Van Tinordi pushes for trade, dyes beard Bruin colours
NHL considering 3-on-1 shootouts
Therrien tells Bergevin: 'Stop handcuffing me with stiffs!'
GEM of a line polishes off Coyotes with seven-point outing
Therrien admits starting Tokarski was 'a really bad idea'
Nov. 16
Tinordi cryogenically frozen 'until spot opens up'
Semin appears in headline without play on name
What a Morin! -- Prust's fiancee flies to Vancouver for game
Condon bounces back, makes 32 saves in 3-0 shutout
Condon bounced for second game in a row
Nov. 14
Fans tirin' of Byron, no shots is he firin'
'Healthy scratches' Tinordi, Pateryn treated for infection
Avalanche snowed under by flurry of Hab goals
Left in for four goals, Condon said he's played his last game for Habs
Game goes into OT, fans walk out in disgust
Nov. 11
Mystery deepens as Price seeks third opinion from housewife in Duluth
Tinordi Sr. shows solidarity with son, joins him in pressbox
Eller completes pass in Habs' win over Pittsburgh
Markov feigns knee injury to reduce ice time, Habs lose 2-1
Starting with December ...
Dec. 29
Trade of seventh round picks has fans in Montreal, Carolina a-buzz
Hockey websites mulling ban on comments to counter 'troll infestations'
Jeopardy under fire for adding Mass Murderers category
71-save performance 'among his best,' Scrivens says
Habs lose, but .500 record after two games is best in weeks
Dec. 28
Not done tweaking, Bergevin promises more fine-tuning
Andrighetto 'not surprised' ended game playing on fourth line
Carr beginning to wonder if some veterans could make it in the AHL
Hab programmers furiously working on bug fix for Therrien 2.0
Stoked by Scrivens acquisition, re-energized Canadiens thrash Lightning 5-1
Depressed over Tokarski departure, distraught Habs humbled 4-1 in Tampa
Dec. 26
Bergevin told to stop treading water and start trading players
Therrien told to start winning or start packing
Hab goalies told to finish games or they're finished with team
Slumbering power play wakes up, Habs end nightmare of a slump
How bad is it? Team scores one goal ... on own net, Habs lose 1-0
Dec. 22
Pilloried for sitting Andrighetto, Therrien starts him in goal
Hab fans switch plans for parade to funeral procession
Bergevin the trader takes Tokarski off 'untouchable' list
Guys who haven't scored in weeks break out of slump, Habs win 14-2
Canadiens can count on a visit from Krampus this week
Dec. 21
Canadiens deny report Flynn-Emelin schism dividing team
'I don't remember it being this fast,' Tinordi says of first game back
Therrien refuses to answer questions from Habs Quiz after game
Tinordi finishes plus-3, as Habs rout Predators
'What happened to my Davey?' captain asks after lopsided defeat
Dec. 19
Tinordi caught trying to put on McCarron's jersey
Canadiens begin road trip full of hope ... they don't lose eight
Habs don't need to get MOAR bigger, they have to get MOORE better
The day a true star dies, Habs end slump with win over Stars
Bad luck – having Therrien as coach* – continues to plague Canadiens
* :)
Dec. 11
Syrian refugees see first hockey game, say 'Pacioretty sucks'
Ice flooding goes awry, fans flee arena
Weise to try all-wood Dutch skates to break out of slump
Fan schism threatens to tear apart Mecca of hockey commentary
Canadiens snap losing streak, serenade fans with For the First Time in Forever
Seven straight penalties, including two during intermission, sink Habs
Dec. 10
Tinordi warns Beaulieu healthy scratches can leave 'scars'
Canadiens will require future draft picks to get married as part of contract
NHL governors mulling rule change to allow fan's challenge
Tokarski survives 27-shot third period barrage to pick up first win
Mike who? Wings on a roll without their wise man
Dec. 9
Labelled soft by coach, contrite Semin says there's 'no hard feelings' being released
Bergevin orders execs to change phone numbers in wake of league decision
NHL tells candidate cities expansion fee includes monthly newsletter
Habs set NHL record, all six D-men score in game – on end-to-end rushes
Don't ask: Rask up to the task
Marchand breaks nose spearing Hab player
Dec. 5
Condon goes to Eller for advice on building confidence
HIO to limit membership to fans who score 9 or more on quizzes
NHL warned refusing to release non-redacted emails could have 'reperconcussions'
Subban's Hail Mary shot from deep in own end ties game, Habs win in OT
Big wind for the Hurricanes
Dec. 3
Pacioretty sweat 'a friggin' elixir' says Price on return to lineup
Eller stunned by trade to Jets for Byfuglien, Ladd
Another controversy brewing in Chicago: Toews to fight parking ticket
Therrien 'tweaks' back juggling lines, out six weeks
Shots missing net not a concern but missing the boards has Galchenyuk worried
Condon outduels, outscores Holtby, collects first NHL point
Washington, as usual, shows Canada who's boss
Dec. 1
Hudon, Bozon, Gregoire sent up to Montreal for 'conditioning'
$10,000 limit set on holiday gifts as players draw names
Price admits he injured knee filming Under Armour commercial
Torts loses coach's challenge, temper, game
Habs lose but players say 'Therrien not to blame'
Nov. 28
Grey Cup fever sends three Habs to infirmary
Dubinsky suspended one game, Crosby issued warning about trespassing
Marchand's mom agrees with Vigneault: 'I'd rather have Lundqvist as my son'
Eller's blind pass leads to winning goal by Andrighetto
Pacioretty misses open net, Devils tie then win in overtime
Nov. 27
Tinordi teaching Gallagher, Price ropes how to handle not playing
'Didn't come up here to be healthy scratch,” Thomas breaks his own nose
Kassian on the mend. In other news ...
Bud lights it up with pair of goals in NHL debut
Confusion over who's second line trips up Habs in 3-1 loss
Nov. 25
Goalies around league sign 'Get well later' card for Gallagher
States line up for NHL expansion, will build arenas with worker pension funds
Beating Lundqvist is fun, yes? Hell, yeah
Habs ole an egg, lose 2-0
Kreider given a 'talking-to' by refs after pitchforking Price
Nov. 22
Ticats' playoff loss 'too much' for Hab fans
Canadiens send message of condolence to Ticats
Hamilton lacked depth, Therrien says
Andrighetto blaster wins it for Canadiens
Five hurt in morning skate, shorthanded Habs lose 3-2
Nov. 20
Tinordi in lineup, ends hunger strike
Therrien second-guesses hands-on approach after whacking Semin on head
NHL says concussion numbers 'within acceptable limits'
TSN laying off staff, Kypreos, Stock et al remain employed
Price is alright – and more – as Habs win 4-2
Habs erase three-goal first period deficit, lose 7-6
Told he's going to play, Tinordi breaks leg jumping for joy
Tinordi reaches Level 14 in Call of Duty
Tinordi asks UN to intervene, citing 'cruel and unusual non-deployment'
Tinordi says he won't participate in players' Christmas gift exchange
Nov. 19
Semin's release anti-climatic end to experiment on wing
Rip Van Tinordi pushes for trade, dyes beard Bruin colours
NHL considering 3-on-1 shootouts
Therrien tells Bergevin: 'Stop handcuffing me with stiffs!'
GEM of a line polishes off Coyotes with seven-point outing
Therrien admits starting Tokarski was 'a really bad idea'
Nov. 16
Tinordi cryogenically frozen 'until spot opens up'
Semin appears in headline without play on name
What a Morin! -- Prust's fiancee flies to Vancouver for game
Condon bounces back, makes 32 saves in 3-0 shutout
Condon bounced for second game in a row
Nov. 14
Fans tirin' of Byron, no shots is he firin'
'Healthy scratches' Tinordi, Pateryn treated for infection
Avalanche snowed under by flurry of Hab goals
Left in for four goals, Condon said he's played his last game for Habs
Game goes into OT, fans walk out in disgust
Nov. 11
Mystery deepens as Price seeks third opinion from housewife in Duluth
Tinordi Sr. shows solidarity with son, joins him in pressbox
Eller completes pass in Habs' win over Pittsburgh
Markov feigns knee injury to reduce ice time, Habs lose 2-1
Big kid trying out rocket skates
(Sept. 24, 2015)
More headlines:
Cherry suspended after blackface routine falls flat
McCarron trying out Acme rocket skates in bid to boost foot speed
Three former Habs to “advise” players on face-offs, deflections, faking injuries
M Network announces plans for Hockey Wives’ Husbands show
Captains guilty of corporal punishment on-ice to receive 15-minute majors
Rogers on-air talent to wear suits with ads
Toronto public works thanks Phaneuf for donation of 5,000 traffic cones
AHL to experiment with enforcing “all the rules, all the time”
Bettman says Pope “way out of line” with papal encyclical on concussions
Kessel donation will triple fleet of Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles
Subban not upset over losing captain vote: “I’m fine with being the Player King”
Ho-Sang sleeps in – again — wakes up a Podunk River Rat
Corsi, Fenwick concede shots that go into net “also pretty important”
Tinordi asks McCarron if the rocket skates are working out
Amended format will allow goalie to carry puck in three-on-three OT
Controversial MacLean documentary on puck-making removed from schedule
Gill pondering comeback after rocket skates prove effective
NHL to add third assists to increase league scoring
Lucic pledges donation of brain to hospital, promised five-dollar receipt
Stock, Kypreos, Galley end up penniless in special edition of Jeopardy
Pacioretty says French lessons going “très bielle”
Concussion spotter hit in head with puck, refuses to leave seat
Coaches given right to challenge – but few have experience with pistols
Boston visits Montreal; foul play expected
Hab fans welcome Fleischmann by singing “Oleo, oleo, oleo”
(Sept. 24, 2015)
More headlines:
Cherry suspended after blackface routine falls flat
McCarron trying out Acme rocket skates in bid to boost foot speed
Three former Habs to “advise” players on face-offs, deflections, faking injuries
M Network announces plans for Hockey Wives’ Husbands show
Captains guilty of corporal punishment on-ice to receive 15-minute majors
Rogers on-air talent to wear suits with ads
Toronto public works thanks Phaneuf for donation of 5,000 traffic cones
AHL to experiment with enforcing “all the rules, all the time”
Bettman says Pope “way out of line” with papal encyclical on concussions
Kessel donation will triple fleet of Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles
Subban not upset over losing captain vote: “I’m fine with being the Player King”
Ho-Sang sleeps in – again — wakes up a Podunk River Rat
Corsi, Fenwick concede shots that go into net “also pretty important”
Tinordi asks McCarron if the rocket skates are working out
Amended format will allow goalie to carry puck in three-on-three OT
Controversial MacLean documentary on puck-making removed from schedule
Gill pondering comeback after rocket skates prove effective
NHL to add third assists to increase league scoring
Lucic pledges donation of brain to hospital, promised five-dollar receipt
Stock, Kypreos, Galley end up penniless in special edition of Jeopardy
Pacioretty says French lessons going “très bielle”
Concussion spotter hit in head with puck, refuses to leave seat
Coaches given right to challenge – but few have experience with pistols
Boston visits Montreal; foul play expected
Hab fans welcome Fleischmann by singing “Oleo, oleo, oleo”
Replays to include product placements
(August 18, 2015)
More headlines:
Therrien doing a good job: Harper
Trump says U.S. teams should sign only Americans
Subban no regrets being first openly black hockey player
Leafs name Conte new director of scouting advice
Sedins agree to switch positions ‘to shake things up’
NHL won’t suspend Kane ‘until he’s served his time’
Canadiens replacing chip-and-chase with lob-and-clobber
Galchenyuk hopes being named rover puts end to centre controversy
Jockstraps recalled over reports they contain asbestos
Eller, Desharnais undergoing therapy for passing, shooting issues
Trump files ‘air’ claim for Earth’s entire atmosphere
Teams scramble after accounting error found, putting salary cap at $49 M
League holds firm, ads not to cover more than 80 per cent of jerseys
Rules committee supports coach’s challenge on interference calls
Briere says he will go in Hall of Fame as a Canadien
Breakthrough in analytics could cut 82-game schedule in half
The ‘Republic of Donald’ will have its own constitution
Rubber shortage forcing NHL to go with half-vulcanized, half-humanized pucks
Canadiens will open Bell Centre on election day to show incoming results on big screen
Bettman no comment on rumour next commish will be another #%$^& lawyer
Replays to include product placements
Peladeau still mulling whether coach of Quebec team will need to speak English
CEO of stick maker dies when shaft of broken golf club pierces brain
Trump refuses to retract statement Canadian women are ‘godawful ugly’
Habs’ Hall of Fame now a ‘cubbyhole of Canadiena’
(August 18, 2015)
More headlines:
Therrien doing a good job: Harper
Trump says U.S. teams should sign only Americans
Subban no regrets being first openly black hockey player
Leafs name Conte new director of scouting advice
Sedins agree to switch positions ‘to shake things up’
NHL won’t suspend Kane ‘until he’s served his time’
Canadiens replacing chip-and-chase with lob-and-clobber
Galchenyuk hopes being named rover puts end to centre controversy
Jockstraps recalled over reports they contain asbestos
Eller, Desharnais undergoing therapy for passing, shooting issues
Trump files ‘air’ claim for Earth’s entire atmosphere
Teams scramble after accounting error found, putting salary cap at $49 M
League holds firm, ads not to cover more than 80 per cent of jerseys
Rules committee supports coach’s challenge on interference calls
Briere says he will go in Hall of Fame as a Canadien
Breakthrough in analytics could cut 82-game schedule in half
The ‘Republic of Donald’ will have its own constitution
Rubber shortage forcing NHL to go with half-vulcanized, half-humanized pucks
Canadiens will open Bell Centre on election day to show incoming results on big screen
Bettman no comment on rumour next commish will be another #%$^& lawyer
Replays to include product placements
Peladeau still mulling whether coach of Quebec team will need to speak English
CEO of stick maker dies when shaft of broken golf club pierces brain
Trump refuses to retract statement Canadian women are ‘godawful ugly’
Habs’ Hall of Fame now a ‘cubbyhole of Canadiena’
Is trade involving Weaver looming?
(Feb. 28, 2015)
More headlines:
Coach’s ‘koochie koochie koo’ helps Eller end scoring slump
Price works with Malhotra on wrist shot
Gallagher roughed up after crashing wedding
Bernier ‘appalled auntie terrorist group led by a woman’
Is trade involving Weaver looming?
Therrien ‘thrilled’ Sekac pots hattrick
TSN insider misses trade deadline day, ‘thought it was Tuesday’
Bernier impressed ‘Selma carried on husband’s civil service fight’
Seven-team 28-player deal awaits league approval
Bergevin spotted buying suit at Walmart
Red-hot Leafs talking 12th in conference
Bernier ‘saddened inventor of vulcanized rubber puck dies’
Bettman statue at all 30 rinks proposal draws fire
Nonis acquires Pronger, Savard in separate deals
Survey finds 57 per cent of NHL officials have ‘glanced through’ rule book
Lupul out six weeks with lower body injury after breaking wind
Fucale’s positioning questioned after yielding three empty-net goals
Bernier says Leafs Stanley Cup contenders
(Feb. 28, 2015)
More headlines:
Coach’s ‘koochie koochie koo’ helps Eller end scoring slump
Price works with Malhotra on wrist shot
Gallagher roughed up after crashing wedding
Bernier ‘appalled auntie terrorist group led by a woman’
Is trade involving Weaver looming?
Therrien ‘thrilled’ Sekac pots hattrick
TSN insider misses trade deadline day, ‘thought it was Tuesday’
Bernier impressed ‘Selma carried on husband’s civil service fight’
Seven-team 28-player deal awaits league approval
Bergevin spotted buying suit at Walmart
Red-hot Leafs talking 12th in conference
Bernier ‘saddened inventor of vulcanized rubber puck dies’
Bettman statue at all 30 rinks proposal draws fire
Nonis acquires Pronger, Savard in separate deals
Survey finds 57 per cent of NHL officials have ‘glanced through’ rule book
Lupul out six weeks with lower body injury after breaking wind
Fucale’s positioning questioned after yielding three empty-net goals
Bernier says Leafs Stanley Cup contenders
More 'bold tweaks' in store -- and other headlines
(July 8, 2015)
Tarasenko contract has Pacioretty singing the blues over ‘poverty-level wages’
Galchenyuk’s parents insist on new nickname for son
Newspaper clarifies headline; it’s ‘Babcock, Kadri butt heads’ not buttheads
Lacroix’s continued employment, like Habs’ PP, has fans scratching heads
Therrien takes offence, gets defensive over team being labelled ‘too defensive’
Hab rearguards to stand 20 seconds
behind net before mounting rush
to improve puck possession numbers
Galchenyuk’s parents demand roles in CH24
Hab penalty killers asked to replicate 84 per cent success rate on power play
Desharnais downplays ER visit for 'shortness of breath’
Bergevin promises further ‘bold tweaks’
Galchenyuk’s parents want say in Habs’ power play
Markov to suit up every other game ‘down the stretch’ to prepare for playoffs
Morin rejects Kassian’s offer to be Prust’s off-ice replacement
Galchenyuk’s parents ‘willing’ to serve as team ambassadors for under $800K
Eller signs up – finally – for MT Personal Development Program
Bergevin not done dealing, trades insults with reporter
Canadiens issue request for offer sheets on Galchenyuk
(July 8, 2015)
Tarasenko contract has Pacioretty singing the blues over ‘poverty-level wages’
Galchenyuk’s parents insist on new nickname for son
Newspaper clarifies headline; it’s ‘Babcock, Kadri butt heads’ not buttheads
Lacroix’s continued employment, like Habs’ PP, has fans scratching heads
Therrien takes offence, gets defensive over team being labelled ‘too defensive’
Hab rearguards to stand 20 seconds
behind net before mounting rush
to improve puck possession numbers
Galchenyuk’s parents demand roles in CH24
Hab penalty killers asked to replicate 84 per cent success rate on power play
Desharnais downplays ER visit for 'shortness of breath’
Bergevin promises further ‘bold tweaks’
Galchenyuk’s parents want say in Habs’ power play
Markov to suit up every other game ‘down the stretch’ to prepare for playoffs
Morin rejects Kassian’s offer to be Prust’s off-ice replacement
Galchenyuk’s parents ‘willing’ to serve as team ambassadors for under $800K
Eller signs up – finally – for MT Personal Development Program
Bergevin not done dealing, trades insults with reporter
Canadiens issue request for offer sheets on Galchenyuk
Headlines from training camp
(4:15 p.m., Sept. 19, 2014)
Pateryn issues ultimatum: Play me or send me back to Hamilton!
Buffed Desharnais warns league he’ll have a ‘short fuse’ this season
Moen, the forgotten man, assured spot on fifth line
$200 tip on steak-and-salad lunch ‘just playing it safe,’ says Subban
Players ‘stunned’ Bouillon makes team – and then break up laughing
Alternate C’s appear in Captain Morgan commercial for four new kinds of rum
Markov removes Putin poster after photo goes viral
New Ticat stadium has Nygren licking lips over return to Hamilton
Pacioretty wants Malhotra as his centre to prove he can play with ‘anybody’
Gallagher has second thoughts about passing Lucic death threat note to Weise
[ 'I shoulda corrected the spelling first.']
Prust raves about prostheses, faith healers, and ‘pills of many colours’
League fines Bergevin for cutting 41 players, says prank went too far
Eller, Bourque to treat regular season as ’82-game playoffs’
Shootouts in practices to determine Price’s backup
MB: Galchenyuk to start at centre; MT: Plekanec to be traded for power forward
MB: Therrien should stick to coaching; MT: Bergevin should just stick it
(4:15 p.m., Sept. 19, 2014)
Pateryn issues ultimatum: Play me or send me back to Hamilton!
Buffed Desharnais warns league he’ll have a ‘short fuse’ this season
Moen, the forgotten man, assured spot on fifth line
$200 tip on steak-and-salad lunch ‘just playing it safe,’ says Subban
Players ‘stunned’ Bouillon makes team – and then break up laughing
Alternate C’s appear in Captain Morgan commercial for four new kinds of rum
Markov removes Putin poster after photo goes viral
New Ticat stadium has Nygren licking lips over return to Hamilton
Pacioretty wants Malhotra as his centre to prove he can play with ‘anybody’
Gallagher has second thoughts about passing Lucic death threat note to Weise
[ 'I shoulda corrected the spelling first.']
Prust raves about prostheses, faith healers, and ‘pills of many colours’
League fines Bergevin for cutting 41 players, says prank went too far
Eller, Bourque to treat regular season as ’82-game playoffs’
Shootouts in practices to determine Price’s backup
MB: Galchenyuk to start at centre; MT: Plekanec to be traded for power forward
MB: Therrien should stick to coaching; MT: Bergevin should just stick it
Training camp opens
(Aug. 30, 2013)
Here are some of the headlines you'll be seeing after training camp opens:
Budaj ‘a revelation’, says new goalie coach
‘Lard’ Eller insists extra weight all muscle
Parros determined to prove one-goal season ‘was no fluke’
Desharnais-Gionta scuffle ‘typical training camp tussle’: Therrien
Moen refuses to talk to ‘meanstream media’
Plekanec smooth-shaven, turtleneckless ‘just because’
Team celebrates birth of civilization in Mesopotamia
Danielle Briere says he’s ‘a changed man’
Bergevin prank backfires, coaching staff treated for second-degree burns
Desharnais-Diaz dust-up ‘boys being boys’: coach
Gazette sports editor fired over Briere headline
Cut from team, White, Leblanc file lawsuit, claim no-colour barrier
Revolutionary Murray water bottle hydrates linemates simultaneously
Snap federal election has players reeling
Happily married, Gorges says he’ll no longer sacrifice body blocking shots
No. 2 on Canadiens, Price still has eye set on starter’s role for Olympic squad
Péladeau says Bettman hostage-taking ‘all a misunderstanding’
Galchenyuk spells name ‘for last time’ for reporters
Markov trips over Gallagher, out for season
Canadiens drop plans for mock fan uprising on 60th anniversary of Richard Riot
‘I slipped!’ says Parros after KO by DD
Pacioretty regrets tattooing entire body
Hab crest to flash bright red when player scores
Canadiens issue statement extra-terrestial life ‘highly probable’
HIO vs EOTP – WTF?
Bourque, Bouillon weren’t born in La Belle Province – go figure
Baffled coach asks: ‘Drewiske Doeswhatske?’
More photos of Prust’s girlfriend
Houle, Tremblay finally admitted into Hall – but forced to pay double
Club adamant Oswald didn’t act alone
Stung by criticism,Therrien abandons ‘swarm’ defence, opts for ‘charm offensive’
Players reveal their favourite FILMs® ***
***Fan I’d Like to Meet
(Aug. 30, 2013)
Here are some of the headlines you'll be seeing after training camp opens:
Budaj ‘a revelation’, says new goalie coach
‘Lard’ Eller insists extra weight all muscle
Parros determined to prove one-goal season ‘was no fluke’
Desharnais-Gionta scuffle ‘typical training camp tussle’: Therrien
Moen refuses to talk to ‘meanstream media’
Plekanec smooth-shaven, turtleneckless ‘just because’
Team celebrates birth of civilization in Mesopotamia
Danielle Briere says he’s ‘a changed man’
Bergevin prank backfires, coaching staff treated for second-degree burns
Desharnais-Diaz dust-up ‘boys being boys’: coach
Gazette sports editor fired over Briere headline
Cut from team, White, Leblanc file lawsuit, claim no-colour barrier
Revolutionary Murray water bottle hydrates linemates simultaneously
Snap federal election has players reeling
Happily married, Gorges says he’ll no longer sacrifice body blocking shots
No. 2 on Canadiens, Price still has eye set on starter’s role for Olympic squad
Péladeau says Bettman hostage-taking ‘all a misunderstanding’
Galchenyuk spells name ‘for last time’ for reporters
Markov trips over Gallagher, out for season
Canadiens drop plans for mock fan uprising on 60th anniversary of Richard Riot
‘I slipped!’ says Parros after KO by DD
Pacioretty regrets tattooing entire body
Hab crest to flash bright red when player scores
Canadiens issue statement extra-terrestial life ‘highly probable’
HIO vs EOTP – WTF?
Bourque, Bouillon weren’t born in La Belle Province – go figure
Baffled coach asks: ‘Drewiske Doeswhatske?’
More photos of Prust’s girlfriend
Houle, Tremblay finally admitted into Hall – but forced to pay double
Club adamant Oswald didn’t act alone
Stung by criticism,Therrien abandons ‘swarm’ defence, opts for ‘charm offensive’
Players reveal their favourite FILMs® ***
***Fan I’d Like to Meet