When winning turns into a famine
(Feb. 22, 2022)
When winning turns into a famine
How nice that the Habs' Andrew Hammond
Won his first in six years
And received lots of cheers
But the team needs to tank so goddamn him!
(Feb. 22, 2022)
When winning turns into a famine
How nice that the Habs' Andrew Hammond
Won his first in six years
And received lots of cheers
But the team needs to tank so goddamn him!
The end is nigh <sigh>
(April 13, 2023)
Near the bottom of the standings Habs languish
One more season that will end in great anguish
So when looking ahead
With clear eyes and some dread:
25th – not the Cup! - is what fans wish
(April 13, 2023)
Near the bottom of the standings Habs languish
One more season that will end in great anguish
So when looking ahead
With clear eyes and some dread:
25th – not the Cup! - is what fans wish
Another loss, another limerick
(April 1, 2023)
The Habs as a team are sadsack
And fully deserving of much flak
With scant cause to rejoice
Their fans have no choice
But to cry out in pain: Tabernac!
(April 1, 2023)
The Habs as a team are sadsack
And fully deserving of much flak
With scant cause to rejoice
Their fans have no choice
But to cry out in pain: Tabernac!
We hope you enjoy your stay, Mr. Gorton
(Nov. 29, 2021)
Welcome to the Canadiens, Mr. Gorton
We hope your tenure with us turns out swell
The job you've taken on is quite important
Win the Cup you'll be in line for a Nobel
Do not chuckle, Mr. Gorton, we say sincerely
This team for many years has been in a bind
Bring home the Cup and you will have clearly
"Conferred the greatest benefit to Hab Fankind"
(Nov. 29, 2021)
Welcome to the Canadiens, Mr. Gorton
We hope your tenure with us turns out swell
The job you've taken on is quite important
Win the Cup you'll be in line for a Nobel
Do not chuckle, Mr. Gorton, we say sincerely
This team for many years has been in a bind
Bring home the Cup and you will have clearly
"Conferred the greatest benefit to Hab Fankind"
Bergevin left many of us peeved
(Nov. 28, 2021)
Bergevin left many of us peeved
His decisions were oft ill-conceived
So imagine our glee
Upon learning MB
Was relieved of his duties -- we're relieved!
(Nov. 28, 2021)
Bergevin left many of us peeved
His decisions were oft ill-conceived
So imagine our glee
Upon learning MB
Was relieved of his duties -- we're relieved!
It's hard to win two in a row
(Nov. 25, 2021)
Folks, it's hard to win two in a row
When your team is not worth a kudo
But it's good to be worst
If you get to draft first
A great player I'm sure you all know
...........
It's going to take COVID-19 AND the bubonic plague for Montreal to make the playoffs now.
(Nov. 25, 2021)
Folks, it's hard to win two in a row
When your team is not worth a kudo
But it's good to be worst
If you get to draft first
A great player I'm sure you all know
...........
It's going to take COVID-19 AND the bubonic plague for Montreal to make the playoffs now.
This evening the Habs play the Caps
(Nov. 24, 2021)
This evening the Habs play the Caps
In a land that's filled with bad chaps
I do hope they win
The Habs, not villains,
If they don't I fear they'll collapse
(Nov. 24, 2021)
This evening the Habs play the Caps
In a land that's filled with bad chaps
I do hope they win
The Habs, not villains,
If they don't I fear they'll collapse
The suspense continues to grow
(Nov. 22, 2021)
The suspense continues to grow
Will Canadiens win two in a row?
Since they've not done it yet
It's a really good bet
They will not, so the answer is no
(Nov. 22, 2021)
The suspense continues to grow
Will Canadiens win two in a row?
Since they've not done it yet
It's a really good bet
They will not, so the answer is no
The river of despair rolls on and on
(Nov. 19, 2021)
The river of despair rolls on and on
Capsizing canoes filled with Hab fans
Into the water they spill with arms flailing
And sink to the bottom -- where they find their beloved team
(Nov. 19, 2021)
The river of despair rolls on and on
Capsizing canoes filled with Hab fans
Into the water they spill with arms flailing
And sink to the bottom -- where they find their beloved team
C'mon, give Bergevin a break
(Nov. 11, 2021)
It's time to give Bergevin a break
No more insults I ask for his sake
He could still turn around
A Hab team run aground
Or it's a torch, some straw and a stake
(Nov. 11, 2021)
It's time to give Bergevin a break
No more insults I ask for his sake
He could still turn around
A Hab team run aground
Or it's a torch, some straw and a stake
Draft picks leave fans doubting
(Nov. 11, 2021)
Timmins is the head of Habs' scouting
And his picks have left many doubting
He's good at his craft
They point to the draft
Where few of his picks are worth touting
(Nov. 11, 2021)
Timmins is the head of Habs' scouting
And his picks have left many doubting
He's good at his craft
They point to the draft
Where few of his picks are worth touting
Let's all blame the brain trust
(Nov. 11, 2021)
It could be that Caufield's a bust
If he is we'll blame the brain trust
That picked him first round
And then sent him down
To avoid reading comments by us
(Nov. 11, 2021)
It could be that Caufield's a bust
If he is we'll blame the brain trust
That picked him first round
And then sent him down
To avoid reading comments by us
The Canadiens have yet to take flight
(Nov. 11, 2021)
The Canadiens have yet to take flight
Let's face it, their future's not bright
So what should they do
For success to ensue?
Finishing last would help make things Wright
(Nov. 11, 2021)
The Canadiens have yet to take flight
Let's face it, their future's not bright
So what should they do
For success to ensue?
Finishing last would help make things Wright
Darkness reigns
(Nov. 10, 2021)
A beKnighted team
Darkness reigns, unlit by torch.
Habs royally screwed.
(Nov. 10, 2021)
A beKnighted team
Darkness reigns, unlit by torch.
Habs royally screwed.
What's going on?
(Nov. 8, 2021)
MB should be out of work
As GM he's been a real dummy
What he's done to our team
Makes us all want to yell
Boy, he's really messed up our rhythm
(Nov. 8, 2021)
MB should be out of work
As GM he's been a real dummy
What he's done to our team
Makes us all want to yell
Boy, he's really messed up our rhythm
Raising holy hell
(Nov. 7, 2021)
The time has long passed for a dirge
Instead, fellow fans, I would urge
That we meet at the Bell
And raise holy hell
Saying it's time the team made a purge
(Nov. 7, 2021)
The time has long passed for a dirge
Instead, fellow fans, I would urge
That we meet at the Bell
And raise holy hell
Saying it's time the team made a purge
What more can a coach do?
(Nov. 5, 2021)
Just posted this on The Athletic, in response to Basu's interpretation of Ducharme's shrug when asked about the pairing of Savard and Kulak:
With the Habs as bad as an 'Ugh!'
What more can a coach do except shrug?
He could change the lines
Or try even fines
Perhaps what the team needs is a hug!
(Nov. 5, 2021)
Just posted this on The Athletic, in response to Basu's interpretation of Ducharme's shrug when asked about the pairing of Savard and Kulak:
With the Habs as bad as an 'Ugh!'
What more can a coach do except shrug?
He could change the lines
Or try even fines
Perhaps what the team needs is a hug!
It's become very clear
(Nov. 5, 2021)
When a team can't win two in a row
It won't make the playoffs, you know
It's become very clear
To move on from here
The Habs need a GM who's nouveau
(Nov. 5, 2021)
When a team can't win two in a row
It won't make the playoffs, you know
It's become very clear
To move on from here
The Habs need a GM who's nouveau
A bit of puck luck
(Nov. 4, 2021)
The Islanders are just two points ahead of the Canadiens -- but have played four fewer games!
The Isles tonight face the Habs
Whose points, alas, come in drabs
But with a bit of puck luck
And a D that won't suck
A win they could find up for grabs
(Nov. 4, 2021)
The Islanders are just two points ahead of the Canadiens -- but have played four fewer games!
The Isles tonight face the Habs
Whose points, alas, come in drabs
But with a bit of puck luck
And a D that won't suck
A win they could find up for grabs
Caufield sent to Laval
(Nov. 4, 2021)
When things hadn't been going so well
For Caufield he was sent to Laval
To regain his touch
At scoring and such
Will it work? You never can tell
(Nov. 4, 2021)
When things hadn't been going so well
For Caufield he was sent to Laval
To regain his touch
At scoring and such
Will it work? You never can tell
Hope springs anew
(Nov. 3, 2021)
Wings are red
Roses are too
Habs won tonight
Hope springs anew
(Nov. 3, 2021)
Wings are red
Roses are too
Habs won tonight
Hope springs anew
Halloween is done
(Nov. 2, 2021)
Halloween is done
But fiends still cast long shadows
Managing hockey
Bettman is a tool
Used by owners to whitewash
Their dirty laundry
(Nov. 2, 2021)
Halloween is done
But fiends still cast long shadows
Managing hockey
Bettman is a tool
Used by owners to whitewash
Their dirty laundry
A win at long last
(Oct. 23, 2021)
A win at long last!
O what a high it produces!
When is my next fix?
(Oct. 23, 2021)
A win at long last!
O what a high it produces!
When is my next fix?
No wins in five games
(Oct. 23, 2021)
No wins in five games.
What a dumb statement to make.
It's pointless, you say.
(Oct. 23, 2021)
No wins in five games.
What a dumb statement to make.
It's pointless, you say.
The end is nigh
(Oct. 21, 2021)
The end is nigh, MB is toast
Let's put him on the spit and roast
These words you know are said in jest:
Tar and feathers are what work best!
We'll light a torch, and shout hurray
We'll send him on his merry way
We mean no harm but it's a fact
A GM's job he could not hack
A solid team he could not build
Except fourth lines, why those he filled!
So when he's gone we won't be sad:
Because MB was Mostly Bad
(Oct. 21, 2021)
The end is nigh, MB is toast
Let's put him on the spit and roast
These words you know are said in jest:
Tar and feathers are what work best!
We'll light a torch, and shout hurray
We'll send him on his merry way
We mean no harm but it's a fact
A GM's job he could not hack
A solid team he could not build
Except fourth lines, why those he filled!
So when he's gone we won't be sad:
Because MB was Mostly Bad
No glimmer of hope
(Oct. 20, 2021)
Of hope there is no glimmer
As playoff odds grow slimmer
Yet things could get much grimmer:
A season without wins
But this won't happen surely
It's speculation purely
Amid the hurly-burly:
The fault is Bergevin's!
His career will soon be ending
The way his team is trending
His firing is merely pending
Geoff Molson giving in
(Oct. 20, 2021)
Of hope there is no glimmer
As playoff odds grow slimmer
Yet things could get much grimmer:
A season without wins
But this won't happen surely
It's speculation purely
Amid the hurly-burly:
The fault is Bergevin's!
His career will soon be ending
The way his team is trending
His firing is merely pending
Geoff Molson giving in
The Habs just got spanked
(Oct. 19, 2021)
A loss is a defeat is a shutout
It happens when no effort you put out
The Habs just got blanked
By the Sharks they were spanked
To play in the big league they're not cut out
(Oct. 19, 2021)
A loss is a defeat is a shutout
It happens when no effort you put out
The Habs just got blanked
By the Sharks they were spanked
To play in the big league they're not cut out
How sad the sight
(Oct. 19, 2021)
How sad is the sight
Of a once-storied franchise
At one with defeat.
(Oct. 19, 2021)
How sad is the sight
Of a once-storied franchise
At one with defeat.
The season is done!
(Oct. 16, 2021)
Two games in, the season's done!
Loud is the cry: “We haven't won!'
As losses mount, clouds darken sun.
And fans bewail to Pierre LeBrun:
'Our trips to the final end at one!'
The Habs can't score, the D's a mess
They play checkers, foes play chess
No wonder fans feel so distressed
The team they love is still pointless
When will it win they cannot guess
But 80 games remain to play
Time enough to quell dismay
For hopes will rise like a souffle
To see the team well on its way
... To picking first the next Draft Day.
(Oct. 16, 2021)
Two games in, the season's done!
Loud is the cry: “We haven't won!'
As losses mount, clouds darken sun.
And fans bewail to Pierre LeBrun:
'Our trips to the final end at one!'
The Habs can't score, the D's a mess
They play checkers, foes play chess
No wonder fans feel so distressed
The team they love is still pointless
When will it win they cannot guess
But 80 games remain to play
Time enough to quell dismay
For hopes will rise like a souffle
To see the team well on its way
... To picking first the next Draft Day.
The Core
(Sept. 9, 2021)
For a team to succeed it must have a strong core
Players who lead whether they defend or they score
The stronger the centre the greater the bond
That holds teammates together off ice and on
They lead by example, a role model they set
Teaching lessons to others they'll not soon forget
But a core by itself cannot victory assure
The season is long, there are hardships to endure
The test of a core is when adversity is faced
The team's in a slump, all hope's been erased
What does the core do, to reverse fortune's ebb?
Grabs the team by the shoulders, shakes off the cobwebs
It calls a team meeting and lets all speak their mind
It stages a scavenger hunt with fun prizes to find
It takes teammates bowling, a night sure to please
Organizes a potluck to exchange recipes
They'll go to a sauna and follow that with a swim
And if the slump's around Christmas a tree they will trim
The core will do what it can to get the team back on track
Some core members for a while will carry the team on their back
But not for too long because the burden is great
(Hockey is dangerous, you should never tempt fate)
Yes, a strong core is essential to a team doing well
If its centre is weak, then it's certain to fail
To build a core that is solid, the key is to draft wise
To select the right players while others surprise
But if its picks disappoint its core will be weak
Trading for players won't work who are well past their peak
If the post-season remains distant, it's a wing and a prayer
That a pandemic emerges to help get you there
So a strong core, to repeat, is what makes a team great
Footnote: Years in a row with no Cup – Montreal 28
(Sept. 9, 2021)
For a team to succeed it must have a strong core
Players who lead whether they defend or they score
The stronger the centre the greater the bond
That holds teammates together off ice and on
They lead by example, a role model they set
Teaching lessons to others they'll not soon forget
But a core by itself cannot victory assure
The season is long, there are hardships to endure
The test of a core is when adversity is faced
The team's in a slump, all hope's been erased
What does the core do, to reverse fortune's ebb?
Grabs the team by the shoulders, shakes off the cobwebs
It calls a team meeting and lets all speak their mind
It stages a scavenger hunt with fun prizes to find
It takes teammates bowling, a night sure to please
Organizes a potluck to exchange recipes
They'll go to a sauna and follow that with a swim
And if the slump's around Christmas a tree they will trim
The core will do what it can to get the team back on track
Some core members for a while will carry the team on their back
But not for too long because the burden is great
(Hockey is dangerous, you should never tempt fate)
Yes, a strong core is essential to a team doing well
If its centre is weak, then it's certain to fail
To build a core that is solid, the key is to draft wise
To select the right players while others surprise
But if its picks disappoint its core will be weak
Trading for players won't work who are well past their peak
If the post-season remains distant, it's a wing and a prayer
That a pandemic emerges to help get you there
So a strong core, to repeat, is what makes a team great
Footnote: Years in a row with no Cup – Montreal 28
2C or not 2C
(Sept. 5, 2021)
2C or not 2C is the question we ask
Is the new guy Dvorak really up to the task?
He's missing a vowel, what else does he lack?
If he doesn't work out can we get our pick back?
Does he come with a warranty, say 80 games long?
(We'll know well before then if the trade was all wrong.)
Whatever the outcome we know this is true:
Not every trade made is the Christian thing to do
(Sept. 5, 2021)
2C or not 2C is the question we ask
Is the new guy Dvorak really up to the task?
He's missing a vowel, what else does he lack?
If he doesn't work out can we get our pick back?
Does he come with a warranty, say 80 games long?
(We'll know well before then if the trade was all wrong.)
Whatever the outcome we know this is true:
Not every trade made is the Christian thing to do
Kotkaniemi, Kotkaniemi
(Sept. 3, 2021)
[To the tune of Frère Jacques]
Kotkaniemi
Kotkaniemi
Where go you?
Where go you?
Rawleigh, Carolina; Rawleigh, Carolina
Six million, six million
(Sept. 3, 2021)
[To the tune of Frère Jacques]
Kotkaniemi
Kotkaniemi
Where go you?
Where go you?
Rawleigh, Carolina; Rawleigh, Carolina
Six million, six million
If an offer MB won't match
(Sept. 1, 2021)
If MB decides the Canes' offer he won't match
Then Kotkaniemi his rival will snatch
In return he'll get picks
But that's hardly a fix
He's terrible at drafting -- that's the catch
(Sept. 1, 2021)
If MB decides the Canes' offer he won't match
Then Kotkaniemi his rival will snatch
In return he'll get picks
But that's hardly a fix
He's terrible at drafting -- that's the catch
If today by frenzy you're seized
(July 28, 2021)
If today by frenzy you're seized
Because pundits on Twitter have teased
Free agents will sign
On the Habs' dotted line
Chances are you'll end up displeased
(July 28, 2021)
If today by frenzy you're seized
Because pundits on Twitter have teased
Free agents will sign
On the Habs' dotted line
Chances are you'll end up displeased
If a nitwit could git picks
(July 9, 2021)
MB deep in thought as he prepares for the draft:
If a nitwit could git picks
How many picks would a nitwit git
If a nitwit could git picks
(July 9, 2021)
MB deep in thought as he prepares for the draft:
If a nitwit could git picks
How many picks would a nitwit git
If a nitwit could git picks
Team was no quitter
(July 8, 2021)
Defeat is often bitter
But it wasn't so this time
The team proved it's no quitter
And we thank them in this rhyme
(July 8, 2021)
Defeat is often bitter
But it wasn't so this time
The team proved it's no quitter
And we thank them in this rhyme
The chewing gum of champions
(July 7, 2021)
Tonight's the night
And it's got to go right
Don't take a chance on sudden death
Win it outright
And continue the fight
Clorets -- The CHewing Gum of CHampions
(July 7, 2021)
Tonight's the night
And it's got to go right
Don't take a chance on sudden death
Win it outright
And continue the fight
Clorets -- The CHewing Gum of CHampions
It's got to go right
(July 7, 2021)
Tonight's the night
And it's got to go right
Don't take a chance on sudden death
Win it outright
And continue the fight
Clorets -- The CHewing Gum of CHampions
(July 7, 2021)
Tonight's the night
And it's got to go right
Don't take a chance on sudden death
Win it outright
And continue the fight
Clorets -- The CHewing Gum of CHampions
Darkest just before dawn
(July 3, 2021)
Night is darkest, they say, just before dawn
And I think as I sit on the porch
If you wait for dawn's light your chance will be gone
Ducharme, want a Cup? Get a torch!
If Ducharme sticks with the same lineup, despite strong evidence that changes are needed, could we say he's out of torch and hasn't seen the light?
(July 3, 2021)
Night is darkest, they say, just before dawn
And I think as I sit on the porch
If you wait for dawn's light your chance will be gone
Ducharme, want a Cup? Get a torch!
If Ducharme sticks with the same lineup, despite strong evidence that changes are needed, could we say he's out of torch and hasn't seen the light?
The end is nigh
(July 3, 2021)
An improbable season is about to conclude
And bittersweet is the taste that will linger
No fairy tale ending for the underdog brood
Fickle Fate has shown them her finger
(July 3, 2021)
An improbable season is about to conclude
And bittersweet is the taste that will linger
No fairy tale ending for the underdog brood
Fickle Fate has shown them her finger
Tonight's the night
(July 2, 2021)
This is the year, and tonight's the night
To turn the tide and win the fight
To hold up high Lord Stanley's chalice
And lay to rest fans' GM malice
(July 2, 2021)
This is the year, and tonight's the night
To turn the tide and win the fight
To hold up high Lord Stanley's chalice
And lay to rest fans' GM malice
Pesky forwards wanted
(July 1, 2021)
Tampa's goalie, Andrei Vasilevskiy
Has turned Hab forwards into (Keith) Gretzky
They'd turn shots into goals
If they found all his holes
No netminder likes forwards so pesky
(You know who would notice? Sara Orlesky)
(July 1, 2021)
Tampa's goalie, Andrei Vasilevskiy
Has turned Hab forwards into (Keith) Gretzky
They'd turn shots into goals
If they found all his holes
No netminder likes forwards so pesky
(You know who would notice? Sara Orlesky)
A bitter taste
(July 1, 2021)
Tonight's loss left a bitter taste
An opportunity that went to waste
Although the better team by far
The time has come to play Tatar
His offensive skills are much in need
Wouldn't it be nice to take a lead?
Next game's at home, a certain edge
But should we lose -- I'll find a ledge
(July 1, 2021)
Tonight's loss left a bitter taste
An opportunity that went to waste
Although the better team by far
The time has come to play Tatar
His offensive skills are much in need
Wouldn't it be nice to take a lead?
Next game's at home, a certain edge
But should we lose -- I'll find a ledge
Habs won't spare rod
(June 30, 2021)
Lightnin'
Lightnin'
Lighnin' Bolts
They're so high and mighty
Lightnin'
Lightnin'
Lighnin' Bolts
Think their foes are flighty
But Habs will prove to all their worth
They'll bring the Lightnin' down to earth
They'll show them who's their boss by god
The Lightnin' won't be spared the rod
(June 30, 2021)
Lightnin'
Lightnin'
Lighnin' Bolts
They're so high and mighty
Lightnin'
Lightnin'
Lighnin' Bolts
Think their foes are flighty
But Habs will prove to all their worth
They'll bring the Lightnin' down to earth
They'll show them who's their boss by god
The Lightnin' won't be spared the rod
Suspense is building
(June 28, 2021)
Suspense is building
Let it grow – a higher high
When it all ends well
(June 28, 2021)
Suspense is building
Let it grow – a higher high
When it all ends well
Give GM a loud cheer
(June 23, 2021)
Congrats for the GM? Say it's not so.
This is the man you wanted let go!
So what if a Cup his team happens to win
He's still a screw-up, don't ever give in!
A pat on the head will do fine when he parts
It's the least he deserves for being the target of darts
But I guess you are right if the team's blessed by fate
To give MB a loud cheer and not be an ingrate
Sure, extend his contract and shower with praise
But who will we disparage the rest of our days?
No worries, we'll find one, it's just what we do
As legions of fans of the rouge-blanc-et-bleu
(June 23, 2021)
Congrats for the GM? Say it's not so.
This is the man you wanted let go!
So what if a Cup his team happens to win
He's still a screw-up, don't ever give in!
A pat on the head will do fine when he parts
It's the least he deserves for being the target of darts
But I guess you are right if the team's blessed by fate
To give MB a loud cheer and not be an ingrate
Sure, extend his contract and shower with praise
But who will we disparage the rest of our days?
No worries, we'll find one, it's just what we do
As legions of fans of the rouge-blanc-et-bleu
Habs on a roll
(June 23, 2021)
Habs are on a roll
Knights' buns are in the oven
Smoke is coming out
(June 23, 2021)
Habs are on a roll
Knights' buns are in the oven
Smoke is coming out
The warrior worm
(June 22, 2021)
Scarface Perry's a warrior worm
Does his best to make opponents squirm
Throws them off by getting under their skin
He'll do whatever it takes to win
Gotta love that if you're a Habs fan
The guy we used to hate has now become The Man
(June 22, 2021)
Scarface Perry's a warrior worm
Does his best to make opponents squirm
Throws them off by getting under their skin
He'll do whatever it takes to win
Gotta love that if you're a Habs fan
The guy we used to hate has now become The Man
Lee is the dregs
(June 21, 2021)
The evidence is clear that Lee is the dregs
His ignorance shows in not knowing the regs
Or it could be his synapses fall between neurons
He's a ref after all -- a profession for morons
But at the end of the day he's lousy because
He hates Montreal and whatever the team does
Put Lee out to pasture so he won't ref again
Make it official: This official's a has-been
(June 21, 2021)
The evidence is clear that Lee is the dregs
His ignorance shows in not knowing the regs
Or it could be his synapses fall between neurons
He's a ref after all -- a profession for morons
But at the end of the day he's lousy because
He hates Montreal and whatever the team does
Put Lee out to pasture so he won't ref again
Make it official: This official's a has-been
The path would be clear
(June 20, 2021)
The path would be clear
If there were not in the way
Two smirking zebras
(June 20, 2021)
The path would be clear
If there were not in the way
Two smirking zebras
Officials are offal
(June 19, 2021)
What is about officials, the NHL kind
That they can keep working, despite being blind?
Maybe the problem isn't so much with their sight
But an unfortunate knack to not get anything right
Or is it possible the answer is not in their head
But rather, the rule book is not something they've read?
Whatever the explanation, they don't earn their cheque
Get rid of the officials and replace them with high tech
(June 19, 2021)
What is about officials, the NHL kind
That they can keep working, despite being blind?
Maybe the problem isn't so much with their sight
But an unfortunate knack to not get anything right
Or is it possible the answer is not in their head
But rather, the rule book is not something they've read?
Whatever the explanation, they don't earn their cheque
Get rid of the officials and replace them with high tech
No reason to gloat
(June 19, 2021)
There's no reason for Hab fans to gloat
Because Fleury wore the horns of a goat
Two more wins are still needed
To say they've succeeded
But it's nice to see the Knights in the moat
In the water without paddle or boat
(June 19, 2021)
There's no reason for Hab fans to gloat
Because Fleury wore the horns of a goat
Two more wins are still needed
To say they've succeeded
But it's nice to see the Knights in the moat
In the water without paddle or boat
Put me back in, coach
(June 17, 2021)
Despite a hand injury that had kept him from playing
Petry went to the coach and he said:
"Put me back in for my patience is fraying
By the end of last game I saw red."
Knights in white satin
(June 17, 2021)
Knights in white satin
No armour have they on now
Asleep they'll soon lie
(June 17, 2021)
Despite a hand injury that had kept him from playing
Petry went to the coach and he said:
"Put me back in for my patience is fraying
By the end of last game I saw red."
Knights in white satin
(June 17, 2021)
Knights in white satin
No armour have they on now
Asleep they'll soon lie
There's no need to panic
(June 15, 2021)
There's no need to panic, it's only one loss
You didn't think they'd win 15 straight?
That wasn't going to happen without powerhoss
Who's been slow to get out of the gate
And KK is struggling, you can't dispute that
A rest might just do him some good
Or maybe Anderson is the one who should be sat
To reset his mind – knock on wood.
Why is it that Anderson is failing
(June 15, 2021)
Why is it that Anderson is failing?
It must be because he is ailing
Though in pain he might be
No agony we see
It's the fans who are doing the wailing
(June 15, 2021)
There's no need to panic, it's only one loss
You didn't think they'd win 15 straight?
That wasn't going to happen without powerhoss
Who's been slow to get out of the gate
And KK is struggling, you can't dispute that
A rest might just do him some good
Or maybe Anderson is the one who should be sat
To reset his mind – knock on wood.
Why is it that Anderson is failing
(June 15, 2021)
Why is it that Anderson is failing?
It must be because he is ailing
Though in pain he might be
No agony we see
It's the fans who are doing the wailing
Roses are red
(June 12, 2021)
Roses are red
Marc's attire is too
When this series ends
Golden Knights will be blue
Canadiens in seven (five if Stone gets hurt or Pacioretty is suspended)
(June 12, 2021)
Roses are red
Marc's attire is too
When this series ends
Golden Knights will be blue
Canadiens in seven (five if Stone gets hurt or Pacioretty is suspended)
Scheifele should admit he was wrong
(June 12, 2021)
Scheifele should admit he was wrong
For having behaved like a schlong
He rang Jake Evans's bell
And caused him pure hell
And his rationale showed he's a ding-dong!
(June 12, 2021)
Scheifele should admit he was wrong
For having behaved like a schlong
He rang Jake Evans's bell
And caused him pure hell
And his rationale showed he's a ding-dong!
A marked man
(June 5, 2021)
A marked man watches
His teammates come up empty
The same as he feels
(June 5, 2021)
A marked man watches
His teammates come up empty
The same as he feels
It's a lesson that needs to be taught
(June 3, 2021)
It's a lesson that needs to be taught
You can't get away with a cheap shot
Scheifele must learn
When you do a bad turn
They'll do the same to you if you're caught
And the rest of your career will be fraught
(June 3, 2021)
It's a lesson that needs to be taught
You can't get away with a cheap shot
Scheifele must learn
When you do a bad turn
They'll do the same to you if you're caught
And the rest of your career will be fraught
How sweet it is!
(June 1, 2021)
Waxing poetic after the Canadiens upset the heavily favoured Leafs to win the first round after being down 3-1 in the series):
MB wore red
Leaf fans are blue
If Habs choked as much
We would be, too.
..............................
Carey proved his critics wrong
He came up big when needed
A series win? Who would have thought
His team was 16th seeded!
...............................................
Corey Perry, man, he's old
He's slower than molasses
But still he manages to score goals
Without the aid of glasses
..............
Woohoo, woohoo, chortled Hab fans
Their team had shredded Toronto's plans
To win a round and then seek glory
Alas, it was the same old story:
Build a 3-1 series lead
Then lose three straight – it's now their creed
..........
A dish best served cold:
Predictions that are so off
Pundits eat their words
(June 1, 2021)
Waxing poetic after the Canadiens upset the heavily favoured Leafs to win the first round after being down 3-1 in the series):
MB wore red
Leaf fans are blue
If Habs choked as much
We would be, too.
..............................
Carey proved his critics wrong
He came up big when needed
A series win? Who would have thought
His team was 16th seeded!
...............................................
Corey Perry, man, he's old
He's slower than molasses
But still he manages to score goals
Without the aid of glasses
..............
Woohoo, woohoo, chortled Hab fans
Their team had shredded Toronto's plans
To win a round and then seek glory
Alas, it was the same old story:
Build a 3-1 series lead
Then lose three straight – it's now their creed
..........
A dish best served cold:
Predictions that are so off
Pundits eat their words
We humans are not very kind
(March 17, 2021)
We humans are not very kind
We're also notoriously purblind
Extinction we face
The whole human race
If we fail to keep Earth top of mind
(March 17, 2021)
We humans are not very kind
We're also notoriously purblind
Extinction we face
The whole human race
If we fail to keep Earth top of mind
Channelling the Brothers Grimm
(March 7, 2021)
We shouldn't spare children any opportunity to learn what the real world is like, no matter how young they are, so they can grow up ready for the hard slog ahead.
The original fairy tales didn't mess around. They were violent, they were sordid, they told it like it is. That's what kids today need to see and hear, to prepare for adulthood. We can't let the liberals get in the way of their learning the hard facts of life. `
Imagine how much wiser they'd be if Dr. Seuss had channelled some Brothers Grim into his writing:
Green Eggs and Ham
I am son
Of Sam I am
The son of Sam
Who went blam, blam!
The Cat in the Hat
The sun was not shining
It had been stormy for days.
The climate is changing
(Cuz we didn't change our ways.)
I sat there with Sally
And tried not to cry
If people had listened
We wouldn't have to die
“Science can't help you
It's too late for that
Your parents have failed you,”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
“They have no excuse
Why their feet they let drag
They were warned years ago
When I got out of the bag.”
“But they would not listen
And you'll pay for that:
You won't live much longer,”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
(March 7, 2021)
We shouldn't spare children any opportunity to learn what the real world is like, no matter how young they are, so they can grow up ready for the hard slog ahead.
The original fairy tales didn't mess around. They were violent, they were sordid, they told it like it is. That's what kids today need to see and hear, to prepare for adulthood. We can't let the liberals get in the way of their learning the hard facts of life. `
Imagine how much wiser they'd be if Dr. Seuss had channelled some Brothers Grim into his writing:
Green Eggs and Ham
I am son
Of Sam I am
The son of Sam
Who went blam, blam!
The Cat in the Hat
The sun was not shining
It had been stormy for days.
The climate is changing
(Cuz we didn't change our ways.)
I sat there with Sally
And tried not to cry
If people had listened
We wouldn't have to die
“Science can't help you
It's too late for that
Your parents have failed you,”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
“They have no excuse
Why their feet they let drag
They were warned years ago
When I got out of the bag.”
“But they would not listen
And you'll pay for that:
You won't live much longer,”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
Harrumph!
(Feb. 13, 2021)
Forget all this talk about Trump
The Habs are in a bit of a slump
Their run to the Cup's hit a bump
They could use a good kick in the rump
To give their four lines needed jump
Or tonight the Canadiens get thumped
Harrumphety-mumphety-mump!
(Feb. 13, 2021)
Forget all this talk about Trump
The Habs are in a bit of a slump
Their run to the Cup's hit a bump
They could use a good kick in the rump
To give their four lines needed jump
Or tonight the Canadiens get thumped
Harrumphety-mumphety-mump!
Trump inspires ... fear
(Sept. 23, 2020)
It's scary that Trump is so truthless
And lives by a code that is ruthless
But no less is the fright
That is caused by the right
And the fear that their opponents are toothless
(Sept. 23, 2020)
It's scary that Trump is so truthless
And lives by a code that is ruthless
But no less is the fright
That is caused by the right
And the fear that their opponents are toothless
The COVID-19 Existential Blues
(12:35 p.m., April 18, 2020)
Woke up this morning with a feeling of dread
Couldn't think of a good reason to get out of bed
I'm self-isolating, won't leave my abode
Guess you could say I'm in full hermit mode
Oh, I'm crabby
As crabby as I can be
Curse you, pandemic,
Look what you've done to me.
Was laid off at work, no longer draw pay
The government says help is on the way
Hope it comes soon cuz savings I have none
I used them all up by Day 21.
Oh, I'm desperate
As desperate as I can be
Curse you, pandemic,
And you, penury.
Wash my hands faithfully, don't touch my face
Sneeze into my elbow, not all over the place
I wipe every surface, including the cat
She doesn't mind, I use Purrrell for that
Oh, I'm spotless
As spotless as I can be
Curse you, pandemic,
I'm now finicky.
Do a lot of reading to fill up the hours
When I'm not knitting, I'm taking hot showers
But life's become dull, I need a new fix
I've pretty much seen all there is on Netflix
Oh, it's boring
As boring as can be
Curse you, pandemic,
And you, monotony
I'm going stir crazy, living here by myself
What social life I had is now on the shelf
I sent out emails but my friends didn't reply
If they won't send me money I'd like to know why
Oh, it's depressing
As depressing as can be
Curse you, pandemic,
And you, misery
I'm beginning to think it's not as bad as they say
Hey, flu kills more people, it's just nature's way
To keep populations in check and not run amok
If COVID-19 you get, well, it's a case of bad luck
Oh, it's silly
As silly as can be
To worry about something
You can't even see
It's time that our leaders took their foot off the brake
Get the economy again going, a great country again make
If a few thousand die it's a small price to pay
It's what they'd have wanted, that we work and play.
Oh, I'm candid
As candid as can be
Pandemic, I tell you,
You no longer scare me.
A few days ago someone came to the door
A neighbour of mine I've hardly talked to before
She handed me groceries and then she took off
It was nice what she did – but now I've a cough
Oh, I'm sickly
As sickly as can be
Curse you, pandemic,
I'm feeling poorly
Yeah, curse you, pandemic,
You weren't nice to me.
(12:35 p.m., April 18, 2020)
Woke up this morning with a feeling of dread
Couldn't think of a good reason to get out of bed
I'm self-isolating, won't leave my abode
Guess you could say I'm in full hermit mode
Oh, I'm crabby
As crabby as I can be
Curse you, pandemic,
Look what you've done to me.
Was laid off at work, no longer draw pay
The government says help is on the way
Hope it comes soon cuz savings I have none
I used them all up by Day 21.
Oh, I'm desperate
As desperate as I can be
Curse you, pandemic,
And you, penury.
Wash my hands faithfully, don't touch my face
Sneeze into my elbow, not all over the place
I wipe every surface, including the cat
She doesn't mind, I use Purrrell for that
Oh, I'm spotless
As spotless as I can be
Curse you, pandemic,
I'm now finicky.
Do a lot of reading to fill up the hours
When I'm not knitting, I'm taking hot showers
But life's become dull, I need a new fix
I've pretty much seen all there is on Netflix
Oh, it's boring
As boring as can be
Curse you, pandemic,
And you, monotony
I'm going stir crazy, living here by myself
What social life I had is now on the shelf
I sent out emails but my friends didn't reply
If they won't send me money I'd like to know why
Oh, it's depressing
As depressing as can be
Curse you, pandemic,
And you, misery
I'm beginning to think it's not as bad as they say
Hey, flu kills more people, it's just nature's way
To keep populations in check and not run amok
If COVID-19 you get, well, it's a case of bad luck
Oh, it's silly
As silly as can be
To worry about something
You can't even see
It's time that our leaders took their foot off the brake
Get the economy again going, a great country again make
If a few thousand die it's a small price to pay
It's what they'd have wanted, that we work and play.
Oh, I'm candid
As candid as can be
Pandemic, I tell you,
You no longer scare me.
A few days ago someone came to the door
A neighbour of mine I've hardly talked to before
She handed me groceries and then she took off
It was nice what she did – but now I've a cough
Oh, I'm sickly
As sickly as can be
Curse you, pandemic,
I'm feeling poorly
Yeah, curse you, pandemic,
You weren't nice to me.
Winds of change begin with a draft
(8 a.m., March 11, 2020)
Four out of five seasons say the Canadiens are flops
A consensus shared by an angry fan base.
With Bergevin as GM their angst never stops:
“Stumbling won't win you a Stanley Cup race.”
He's out of his league working in the NHL
His 'apprenticeship' has proven a bust.
Just like a snowball his teams have no chance in hell
He's the reason Hab trophies collect dust
But MB's an optimist -- though cockeyed at best –
Each summer he re-examines his plan
And gives it a tweak to ensure its success
To make a champ? Heavens, no: also-ran!
But this year will be different, Bergevin vows:
“The winds of change begin with a draft.
With so many picks I will earn endless bows
I will prove I have mastered my craft.”
“So, fans, please bear with me, your patience I ask
Your reward will be the players I choose
And the first one selected will be up to the task,
Filling the greatest of legends' big shoes!”
“It's not who you think, he's much better by far
A hidden gem I haply unearthed
A five-tool player sure to be a top star
Who'll lead us to a championship berth.”
“I can't give his name or a rival will pluck
So a secret with me he'll remain
But here's what I like: He can fire the puck
And handle it much better than Wayne!”
Friends, it's quite obvious my joy is unbound
Safe to say, my first pick will intrigue.
I myself wouldn't have guessed that he would be found
Playing in a Finnish industrial league!”
(8 a.m., March 11, 2020)
Four out of five seasons say the Canadiens are flops
A consensus shared by an angry fan base.
With Bergevin as GM their angst never stops:
“Stumbling won't win you a Stanley Cup race.”
He's out of his league working in the NHL
His 'apprenticeship' has proven a bust.
Just like a snowball his teams have no chance in hell
He's the reason Hab trophies collect dust
But MB's an optimist -- though cockeyed at best –
Each summer he re-examines his plan
And gives it a tweak to ensure its success
To make a champ? Heavens, no: also-ran!
But this year will be different, Bergevin vows:
“The winds of change begin with a draft.
With so many picks I will earn endless bows
I will prove I have mastered my craft.”
“So, fans, please bear with me, your patience I ask
Your reward will be the players I choose
And the first one selected will be up to the task,
Filling the greatest of legends' big shoes!”
“It's not who you think, he's much better by far
A hidden gem I haply unearthed
A five-tool player sure to be a top star
Who'll lead us to a championship berth.”
“I can't give his name or a rival will pluck
So a secret with me he'll remain
But here's what I like: He can fire the puck
And handle it much better than Wayne!”
Friends, it's quite obvious my joy is unbound
Safe to say, my first pick will intrigue.
I myself wouldn't have guessed that he would be found
Playing in a Finnish industrial league!”
There was a time when we'd revere
(Feb. 19, 2020)
There was a time when we'd revere
A team that really had no peer
But now the Habs we only jeer
And say with sadness and a sneer:
They're just as bad as Molson's beer!
(Feb. 19, 2020)
There was a time when we'd revere
A team that really had no peer
But now the Habs we only jeer
And say with sadness and a sneer:
They're just as bad as Molson's beer!
Bergevin's Prayer
(Jan. 11, 2020)
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray thee, Lord, my job to keep.
If at all you can provide
A way to halt this winless slide
This vow I'll make, for ending pain,
I will not use your name in vain.
A better person I will be
Especially with each victory.
With reporters I'll be straight
They'll get the truth (but have to wait).
If you bring back each Forum wraith
I promise you I'll keep the faith.
All I ask is that we not lose
Can you make us this year's Blues?
To win the Cup would be divine
Literally, if you're inclined!
One last thing to end this prayer
And then I'll get out of your hair.
Lord, I ask, is it too much
If we obtained the next nonesuch?
Thank you, Lord, and good night
I know that you will treat me right
But if I wake up unemployed
Forgive me, Lord, I'll be annoyed.
(Jan. 11, 2020)
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray thee, Lord, my job to keep.
If at all you can provide
A way to halt this winless slide
This vow I'll make, for ending pain,
I will not use your name in vain.
A better person I will be
Especially with each victory.
With reporters I'll be straight
They'll get the truth (but have to wait).
If you bring back each Forum wraith
I promise you I'll keep the faith.
All I ask is that we not lose
Can you make us this year's Blues?
To win the Cup would be divine
Literally, if you're inclined!
One last thing to end this prayer
And then I'll get out of your hair.
Lord, I ask, is it too much
If we obtained the next nonesuch?
Thank you, Lord, and good night
I know that you will treat me right
But if I wake up unemployed
Forgive me, Lord, I'll be annoyed.
The Habs are nearing the abyss
(Feb. 13, 2020)
The Habs are nearing the abyss
Where again the playoffs they'll miss.
Fourth time in five years!
Drown our sorrow in beers
But not Molson – it's absolute piss!
To our great shame
They're one and the same
The bleu and the brew – oh mon Dieu!
(Feb. 13, 2020)
The Habs are nearing the abyss
Where again the playoffs they'll miss.
Fourth time in five years!
Drown our sorrow in beers
But not Molson – it's absolute piss!
To our great shame
They're one and the same
The bleu and the brew – oh mon Dieu!
Tonight the Habs play the lame Ducks
(Feb. 6, 2020)
Tonight the Habs play the lame Ducks
I know what you're thinking: That sucks!
Be that as it may
I will watch them play:
Even though the two aren't worth shucks
(I'll dream of Hab glory redux)
(Feb. 6, 2020)
Tonight the Habs play the lame Ducks
I know what you're thinking: That sucks!
Be that as it may
I will watch them play:
Even though the two aren't worth shucks
(I'll dream of Hab glory redux)
I know little about Marco Scandella
(Jan. 4, 2020)
I know little about Marco Scandella
He could be a very fine fella
But I hope he's not nice
When he takes to the ice
I'd rather he'd behave like Cruella*
*Okay, not evil. That's well over the line. Nasty will do.
(Jan. 4, 2020)
I know little about Marco Scandella
He could be a very fine fella
But I hope he's not nice
When he takes to the ice
I'd rather he'd behave like Cruella*
*Okay, not evil. That's well over the line. Nasty will do.
Off the rails has gone the Hab train
(Jan. 4, 2020)
Off the rails has gone the Hab train
How often have we heard that refrain?
But all is not lost
If old plans are tossed
And the new creed is: Let's entertain!
(Jan. 4, 2020)
Off the rails has gone the Hab train
How often have we heard that refrain?
But all is not lost
If old plans are tossed
And the new creed is: Let's entertain!
If fans didn't have forums to vent
(Dec. 29, 2019)
If fans didn't have forums to vent
They'd do things they'd later repent
By blowing off steam
About who should be reamed
They won't exact vengeance hell-bent
(Dec. 29, 2019)
If fans didn't have forums to vent
They'd do things they'd later repent
By blowing off steam
About who should be reamed
They won't exact vengeance hell-bent
A new year's about to begin
(Dec. 26, 2019)
A new year's about to begin
We hope it includes a Cup win
We've suffered enough
The going's been tough
If we were Leaf fans we'd all be done in
(Dec. 26, 2019)
A new year's about to begin
We hope it includes a Cup win
We've suffered enough
The going's been tough
If we were Leaf fans we'd all be done in
A GM responds, followed by a fan
(Dec. 21, 2019)
A thoughtful GM responds to his critics:
It's the right of all fans to complain
When their team's like the wreck of a train
But much what they gripe
Are canards and tripe
And what isn't clueless is inane
A fan responds:
The levers of power are not ours to wield
Suggestions we make no results they will yield
So we gather on forums to make known our thoughts
In rhyme or in prose, we aim our potshots
You might think us odd but what's even odder:
You're thoughtful enough to provide us with fodder
(Dec. 21, 2019)
A thoughtful GM responds to his critics:
It's the right of all fans to complain
When their team's like the wreck of a train
But much what they gripe
Are canards and tripe
And what isn't clueless is inane
A fan responds:
The levers of power are not ours to wield
Suggestions we make no results they will yield
So we gather on forums to make known our thoughts
In rhyme or in prose, we aim our potshots
You might think us odd but what's even odder:
You're thoughtful enough to provide us with fodder
Two games, two debacles
(Nov. 26, 2019)
Two games, two debacles
Have raised people's hackles
Their ire I'm loathe to repeat:
“Put MB in shackles!”
“Feed Molson to jackals!”
“And hire some guys off the street.”
Let me amend that
I want no to-do:
They should hire guys
They found on the rue.
(Nov. 26, 2019)
Two games, two debacles
Have raised people's hackles
Their ire I'm loathe to repeat:
“Put MB in shackles!”
“Feed Molson to jackals!”
“And hire some guys off the street.”
Let me amend that
I want no to-do:
They should hire guys
They found on the rue.
There was a bloke from Montreal
(Nov. 24, 2019)
There was a bloke from Montreal
Who liked to spread some folderol:
"Bergevin knows his stuff!"
Others said: "That's enough!"
"The silly chap knows bugger all!"
(Nov. 24, 2019)
There was a bloke from Montreal
Who liked to spread some folderol:
"Bergevin knows his stuff!"
Others said: "That's enough!"
"The silly chap knows bugger all!"
Babcock is no longer a Leaf
(Nov. 21, 2019)
Babcock is no longer a Leaf
His place has been taken by Keefe
He wore out his stay
When players wouldn't play
For a man they called killjoy-in-chief
(Nov. 21, 2019)
Babcock is no longer a Leaf
His place has been taken by Keefe
He wore out his stay
When players wouldn't play
For a man they called killjoy-in-chief
Don Cherry Part II
(Nov. 12, 2019)
Poor Cherry, they've taken his podium
From where he used to spread odium
We thank you, Sports Net
For the gift we all get
Its effect is the same as Imodium
(Nov. 12, 2019)
Poor Cherry, they've taken his podium
From where he used to spread odium
We thank you, Sports Net
For the gift we all get
Its effect is the same as Imodium
And so ends the career of Don Cherry
(Nov. 11, 2019)
And so ends the career of Don Cherry
Long known for his vile commentary
Full of bluster and spite
He ruled Hockey Night
But now pays for his verbal dysentery
(Nov. 11, 2019)
And so ends the career of Don Cherry
Long known for his vile commentary
Full of bluster and spite
He ruled Hockey Night
But now pays for his verbal dysentery
It's an issue that leaves us nonplussed
(Nov. 4, 2019)
It's an issue that leaves us nonplussed
Why players should risk being concussed
To engage in a fight
Just isn't right
But the Code's what it is so one must
(Nov. 4, 2019)
It's an issue that leaves us nonplussed
Why players should risk being concussed
To engage in a fight
Just isn't right
But the Code's what it is so one must
The Habs give St. Louis the blues
(Nov. 9, 2019)
The Habs give St. Louis the blues
When they play 'em odds are they won't lose
It makes us feel good
But we'd rather they would
Play all teams the same, not pick and choose
(Nov. 9, 2019)
The Habs give St. Louis the blues
When they play 'em odds are they won't lose
It makes us feel good
But we'd rather they would
Play all teams the same, not pick and choose
The defence has been rather porous
(Oct. 12, 2019)
The defence has been rather porous
No candidates there are for a Norris
In fact they're so bad
The worst that we've had
They're ... Dammit! I've lost my thesaurus
Uh, they're all Badenovs ... you know ... Boris?
(Oct. 12, 2019)
The defence has been rather porous
No candidates there are for a Norris
In fact they're so bad
The worst that we've had
They're ... Dammit! I've lost my thesaurus
Uh, they're all Badenovs ... you know ... Boris?
Laine is undoubtedly a sniper
(Sept. 7, 2019)
Laine is undoubtedly a sniper
Habs' PP is what soils a diaper
If the two were made one
Their foes they'd outgun
Thing is, could the team pay the piper?
(Sept. 7, 2019)
Laine is undoubtedly a sniper
Habs' PP is what soils a diaper
If the two were made one
Their foes they'd outgun
Thing is, could the team pay the piper?
Drouin looked in the mirror
(Aug. 31, 2019)
Drouin looked in the mirror
And what did he see?
A player with promise
Who's shown wizardry
But being consistent
Is not his strong suit
Many games he'll go pointless
No plays will bear fruit
Now he's come to his senses
He must mend his ways:
Perform with a clear head
And not in a daze
He vows to be different
Bad habits he'll shed
If he's at last seen the light
We hope that it's red
(Aug. 31, 2019)
Drouin looked in the mirror
And what did he see?
A player with promise
Who's shown wizardry
But being consistent
Is not his strong suit
Many games he'll go pointless
No plays will bear fruit
Now he's come to his senses
He must mend his ways:
Perform with a clear head
And not in a daze
He vows to be different
Bad habits he'll shed
If he's at last seen the light
We hope that it's red
Caufield whose first name is Cole
(Aug. 30, 2019)
Caufield whose first name is Cole
Excels at scoring a goal
Such is his fame
That he could win games
By making the power play whole
(Aug. 30, 2019)
Caufield whose first name is Cole
Excels at scoring a goal
Such is his fame
That he could win games
By making the power play whole
Molson is as excited as heck
(Aug. 27, 2019)
Molson is as excited as heck
That his team might be better than dreck
“I don't like to boast
But let's have a toast
To the best hockey team in Quebec!”
(Aug. 27, 2019)
Molson is as excited as heck
That his team might be better than dreck
“I don't like to boast
But let's have a toast
To the best hockey team in Quebec!”
Vonn and Subban to become one
(Aug. 23, 2019)
Vonn and Subban have said they will wed
One was a skier, the other a Pred
It's a union for both that could mean a lot
If Subban can find her Super G spot
(Aug. 23, 2019)
Vonn and Subban have said they will wed
One was a skier, the other a Pred
It's a union for both that could mean a lot
If Subban can find her Super G spot
John Scott was truly not great
(Aug. 21, 2019)
John Scott was truly not great
In fact, he was barely fourth-rate
His game would consist
Of using his fists
For this he's an All-Star!!!? Debate.
(Aug. 21, 2019)
John Scott was truly not great
In fact, he was barely fourth-rate
His game would consist
Of using his fists
For this he's an All-Star!!!? Debate.
I'm okay, haiku about you?
(Aug. 18, 2019)
Weber
Mountains move slowly
Once old there is no rush more
Their range becomes less
Unicorns
Unicorns frolic
Blind to the 'truth' others paint:
Dark hue, no rainbow
Officials
Arm raised, whistle blown
“So's the call, you effing ref!”
A strip torn off stripes
(Aug. 18, 2019)
Weber
Mountains move slowly
Once old there is no rush more
Their range becomes less
Unicorns
Unicorns frolic
Blind to the 'truth' others paint:
Dark hue, no rainbow
Officials
Arm raised, whistle blown
“So's the call, you effing ref!”
A strip torn off stripes
Bergie, they say, is a dud
(July 27, 2019)
Bergevin
Bergie, they say, is a dud
He signs too often a pud
He should feel ashamed
And take all of the blame
For turning the team into crud
* * *
There are times the man clad in purple
Makes us scream and even our hair pull
Let him know how we feel
By making him squeal
And the best way I know is a nurple
(July 27, 2019)
Bergevin
Bergie, they say, is a dud
He signs too often a pud
He should feel ashamed
And take all of the blame
For turning the team into crud
* * *
There are times the man clad in purple
Makes us scream and even our hair pull
Let him know how we feel
By making him squeal
And the best way I know is a nurple
Price gets rude, Mete no respect
(July 17, 2019)
Price
Price will offer no tips on each shooter.
He tells his young heirs he's no tutor.
“It's advice that you seek?
Or a gentle critique?
Bugger off or I'll get even ruder!”
Mete
To those who have joined the sad chorus
That Mete will not win a Norris.
So what if he won't
A lot of D don't
Now stop it and no longer bore us!
Drouin revisited
(Feb. 7, 2019)
There's something now great about Drouin
We fans certainly love what he's doin'
That's right, I'm not lyin'
This Frenchman is flyin'
The playoffs, it appears, are a shoo-in
(Feb. 7, 2019)
There's something now great about Drouin
We fans certainly love what he's doin'
That's right, I'm not lyin'
This Frenchman is flyin'
The playoffs, it appears, are a shoo-in
This is what real fans do
(Feb. 2, 2019)
After each game we must assign blame
No matter if the Habs win or lose
That's what fans do (why even friends, too!)
For this is the life that we choose
We point out the facts while grinding an axe
To make the team better, of course
If only it'd listen, its future would glisten
And D-men would be winning a Norris
Forwards would reap player trophies in heaps
If our counsel the team were to heed
With athletes turned stars, the Cup would be ours
They'd no longer suck but succeed
But tips through the years have met with deaf ears
The Habs simply pay us no mind
They refuse to break bread, so we offer instead
A bottomless cup of great whine
(Feb. 2, 2019)
After each game we must assign blame
No matter if the Habs win or lose
That's what fans do (why even friends, too!)
For this is the life that we choose
We point out the facts while grinding an axe
To make the team better, of course
If only it'd listen, its future would glisten
And D-men would be winning a Norris
Forwards would reap player trophies in heaps
If our counsel the team were to heed
With athletes turned stars, the Cup would be ours
They'd no longer suck but succeed
But tips through the years have met with deaf ears
The Habs simply pay us no mind
They refuse to break bread, so we offer instead
A bottomless cup of great whine
To draft well you need a head scout
(Feb. 2, 2019)
To draft well you need a head scout
Who knows hockey inside and out
Who can spot a real gem
By how he horks phlegm
(A detail we could do without.)
(Feb. 2, 2019)
To draft well you need a head scout
Who knows hockey inside and out
Who can spot a real gem
By how he horks phlegm
(A detail we could do without.)
It's a shame about Victor Mete
(Jan. 12, 2019)
It's a shame about Victor Mete
His chances he's yet to parlay
If he doesn't score soon
His rep will be ruined
He'll be known as chopped liver: Pâté
(Jan. 12, 2019)
It's a shame about Victor Mete
His chances he's yet to parlay
If he doesn't score soon
His rep will be ruined
He'll be known as chopped liver: Pâté
Pooh-poohing the PP
(Nov. 28, 2018)
We pooh-pooh the PP because it's piss poor
A lament we have made for five years or more.
Where's the man advantage if so seldom you score
So inept is the unit setting up's a real chore.
You can't call it special because special it's not
You find yourself asking: Is this the best that they've got?
Up a man for two minutes and not even a shot!
Is there no store in the league where a goal can be bought?
If the answer is no then the team's fate is dire
No playoff this season, another stay in the mire
A power play that's potent is we all aspire
Because a PP that's cold sets the fanwagon on fire
Here's my scheme for the Habs which I hope they will do
When the team goes up one man I say why not two?
Pull the goalie, have six skaters, let chaos ensue
If it works as I've planned we will shout “C'est le but!”
(Nov. 28, 2018)
We pooh-pooh the PP because it's piss poor
A lament we have made for five years or more.
Where's the man advantage if so seldom you score
So inept is the unit setting up's a real chore.
You can't call it special because special it's not
You find yourself asking: Is this the best that they've got?
Up a man for two minutes and not even a shot!
Is there no store in the league where a goal can be bought?
If the answer is no then the team's fate is dire
No playoff this season, another stay in the mire
A power play that's potent is we all aspire
Because a PP that's cold sets the fanwagon on fire
Here's my scheme for the Habs which I hope they will do
When the team goes up one man I say why not two?
Pull the goalie, have six skaters, let chaos ensue
If it works as I've planned we will shout “C'est le but!”
Something not right about Drouin
(Nov. 23, 2018)
There's something not right about Drouin
When not making plays he's worth booin'
When he makes a mistake
A fist you will shake
And yell out: 'What the hell are you doin'?'
(Nov. 23, 2018)
There's something not right about Drouin
When not making plays he's worth booin'
When he makes a mistake
A fist you will shake
And yell out: 'What the hell are you doin'?'
Petry on Ice
(Nov. 20, 2018)
Petry on ice is a sight to behold
Skates like the wind, makes plays that are bold
It's then that you think 'Gawd, he's one of the finest!'
But when you check the box score it shows he's a minus
Now stats can deceive I will grant you that
And the worst of them all is the plus-minus stat
You're out on the ice and through no fault of your own
The other team scores on a dumb pass through the zone
Or it could be a player whose coverage was blown
By a forward not checking for which he's well known
But the worst thing of all is a case of bad luck:
To have Benn in the lineup and with him get stuck
(Nov. 20, 2018)
Petry on ice is a sight to behold
Skates like the wind, makes plays that are bold
It's then that you think 'Gawd, he's one of the finest!'
But when you check the box score it shows he's a minus
Now stats can deceive I will grant you that
And the worst of them all is the plus-minus stat
You're out on the ice and through no fault of your own
The other team scores on a dumb pass through the zone
Or it could be a player whose coverage was blown
By a forward not checking for which he's well known
But the worst thing of all is a case of bad luck:
To have Benn in the lineup and with him get stuck
It's Yzerman who built the Bolts
(May 24. 2018)
It's Yzerman who built the Bolts
It's Yzer's men who failed him
They would have won but here's the catch
They scored goals less than seldom
(May 24. 2018)
It's Yzerman who built the Bolts
It's Yzer's men who failed him
They would have won but here's the catch
They scored goals less than seldom
Lars, Lars, Therrien's bane
(June 8, 2018)
Lars, Lars, Therrien's bane
The coach thought little of his hockey brain
But who's laughing now, in this refrain?
The one with the Cup, the smiling Dane
(June 8, 2018)
Lars, Lars, Therrien's bane
The coach thought little of his hockey brain
But who's laughing now, in this refrain?
The one with the Cup, the smiling Dane
A GM who's easy to foil
(May 10, 2018)
If there's a GM who's easy to foil
It's a fella by the name of Dave Poile
Try as his teams might
They can't get it right
Their seasons all end with no spoil
(May 10, 2018)
If there's a GM who's easy to foil
It's a fella by the name of Dave Poile
Try as his teams might
They can't get it right
Their seasons all end with no spoil
It's a trade that continues to vex
(April 19, 2018)
It's a trade that continues to vex
Subban and Weber (and big cheques)
Some say of the deal
It was a real steal
And MB as GM should be ex-
(April 19, 2018)
It's a trade that continues to vex
Subban and Weber (and big cheques)
Some say of the deal
It was a real steal
And MB as GM should be ex-
Said the Polly to the Nelly
(March 27, 2018)
Said the Polly to the Nelly: Why must you be so cruel?
It's been a lousy season but the team will now retool!
It will find itself a centre and forwards who can score
With just a few additions we could have a team of yore
Said the Nelly to the Polly: How deluded can you be?
Its record is among the worst in all its history!
The man behind this epic fail is useless with his mitts
No matter what he touches it ends up on the fritz
Said the Polly to the Nelly: Why must you be so dour?
Show the man a little faith, he could pick himself a Flower!
After all he has experience, he's learned the GM craft
And a la Sammy Pollock, he could trade up in the draft
Said the Nelly to the Polly: What planet are you from?
Or is it weed you're smoking? Or drinking demon rum?
The record shows that Bergevin is middling at best
The ship he heads has run aground, because it's rudderless
Said the Polly to the Nelly: My back I will not turn
On the team that brought me happiness and today can only yearn
Said the Nelly to the Polly: This team I've come to spurn
For what the GM has done to it, contempt is what he's earned
Said the Polly to the Nelly: The team shall rise again!
Said the Nelly to the Polly: Not as long as it has Benn!
Or any of the other guys whose sides are down not up
So long as MB draws a cheque, the team won't win a Cup
Said the Nelly to the Polly: We have never sunk so low!
Said the Polly to the Nelly: Then flee your sea of woe!
Find yourself another ship and latch onto its hull
A barnacle at best you are – and often just as dull
Said the Nelly to the Polly and the Polly in reply:
If your judgment wasn't clouded, we'd be seeing eye to eye!
(March 27, 2018)
Said the Polly to the Nelly: Why must you be so cruel?
It's been a lousy season but the team will now retool!
It will find itself a centre and forwards who can score
With just a few additions we could have a team of yore
Said the Nelly to the Polly: How deluded can you be?
Its record is among the worst in all its history!
The man behind this epic fail is useless with his mitts
No matter what he touches it ends up on the fritz
Said the Polly to the Nelly: Why must you be so dour?
Show the man a little faith, he could pick himself a Flower!
After all he has experience, he's learned the GM craft
And a la Sammy Pollock, he could trade up in the draft
Said the Nelly to the Polly: What planet are you from?
Or is it weed you're smoking? Or drinking demon rum?
The record shows that Bergevin is middling at best
The ship he heads has run aground, because it's rudderless
Said the Polly to the Nelly: My back I will not turn
On the team that brought me happiness and today can only yearn
Said the Nelly to the Polly: This team I've come to spurn
For what the GM has done to it, contempt is what he's earned
Said the Polly to the Nelly: The team shall rise again!
Said the Nelly to the Polly: Not as long as it has Benn!
Or any of the other guys whose sides are down not up
So long as MB draws a cheque, the team won't win a Cup
Said the Nelly to the Polly: We have never sunk so low!
Said the Polly to the Nelly: Then flee your sea of woe!
Find yourself another ship and latch onto its hull
A barnacle at best you are – and often just as dull
Said the Nelly to the Polly and the Polly in reply:
If your judgment wasn't clouded, we'd be seeing eye to eye!
Curse you, Canadiens!
(March 2, 2018)
Fans, fans, what have you done, to think that you are pundits?
Played the game and watched the sport? Oh, knowledge in abundance!
How great it is your expertise you're willing to dispense
How sad it is the team you love ignores your common sense
The fools, the fools, how can it be, your counsel they ignore?
You've shown them how to draft and trade, and even how to score!
But do they listen, do they learn, do they even know you?
They've never used a line you've made – a little bone to throw you!
Losers, losers, one and all, they'll come to rue the day
They never said 'Come to our rink and show us how to play'
And so they'll pay for what they've done, your scorn will cause them grief
No longer will you buy their stuff, you'll wear the Maple Leaf!
And watch the Bruins, and cheer the Bolts, and even like the Sens
And any posts you choose to make will be about the Pens
The idiots, the idiots, your absence they will feel
They'll long for days you gave advice on how the boards to seal,
To play the trap, to lob and chase, to break out from your end
And who to play in overtime (and afterward defend)
Oh well, oh well, what do you care, their fate is no concern
The loyalty you once felt is gone, the keepsakes you have burned
Still, in the recesses of your mind, there rises from the cellar,
A thought that traces the team's woes to how it treated Eller
Fools, fools, the silly fools, for years they'll bear the scars
If only they had hired you they wouldn't have traded Lars
And so when failure dogs their steps, support is sure to wane
The team will suffer greatly from The Curse of the Okay Dane
(March 2, 2018)
Fans, fans, what have you done, to think that you are pundits?
Played the game and watched the sport? Oh, knowledge in abundance!
How great it is your expertise you're willing to dispense
How sad it is the team you love ignores your common sense
The fools, the fools, how can it be, your counsel they ignore?
You've shown them how to draft and trade, and even how to score!
But do they listen, do they learn, do they even know you?
They've never used a line you've made – a little bone to throw you!
Losers, losers, one and all, they'll come to rue the day
They never said 'Come to our rink and show us how to play'
And so they'll pay for what they've done, your scorn will cause them grief
No longer will you buy their stuff, you'll wear the Maple Leaf!
And watch the Bruins, and cheer the Bolts, and even like the Sens
And any posts you choose to make will be about the Pens
The idiots, the idiots, your absence they will feel
They'll long for days you gave advice on how the boards to seal,
To play the trap, to lob and chase, to break out from your end
And who to play in overtime (and afterward defend)
Oh well, oh well, what do you care, their fate is no concern
The loyalty you once felt is gone, the keepsakes you have burned
Still, in the recesses of your mind, there rises from the cellar,
A thought that traces the team's woes to how it treated Eller
Fools, fools, the silly fools, for years they'll bear the scars
If only they had hired you they wouldn't have traded Lars
And so when failure dogs their steps, support is sure to wane
The team will suffer greatly from The Curse of the Okay Dane
In Flounders Fields
(March 21, 2018)
In Flounders Fields, the boobirds crow,
A team, once proud, so long ago
Has lost its way, and they know why
It's Bergevin, they loudly cry
And in their gloom point to his ROW
We are the dead, no spirits flow
Our captain once was Beliveau!
But now his team, in shame must lie
In Flounders Fields.
So the quarrel: How best to go
To get back hope? Each game must throw!
Torch the season and then draft high
But should you fail then dreams will die
Of winning Cups, as sorrows grow
In Flounders Fields.
(March 21, 2018)
In Flounders Fields, the boobirds crow,
A team, once proud, so long ago
Has lost its way, and they know why
It's Bergevin, they loudly cry
And in their gloom point to his ROW
We are the dead, no spirits flow
Our captain once was Beliveau!
But now his team, in shame must lie
In Flounders Fields.
So the quarrel: How best to go
To get back hope? Each game must throw!
Torch the season and then draft high
But should you fail then dreams will die
Of winning Cups, as sorrows grow
In Flounders Fields.
I'm prepared to give MB a pass
(March 1, 2018)
I'm prepared to give MB a pass
For moves some say were half-assed
If the team were to win
By going all in
And at last fill the half-empty glass
(March 1, 2018)
I'm prepared to give MB a pass
For moves some say were half-assed
If the team were to win
By going all in
And at last fill the half-empty glass
Tonight the Habs play the Bolts
(Feb. 24, 2018)
Tonight the Habs play the Bolts
A prospect that truly revolts
A team in decay
Against Tampa Bay
And no sign they'll fire two dolts
(Feb. 24, 2018)
Tonight the Habs play the Bolts
A prospect that truly revolts
A team in decay
Against Tampa Bay
And no sign they'll fire two dolts
My dismay, I say frankly, is utter
(Feb. 22, 2018)
My dismay, I say frankly, is utter
Weber's season is now in the gutter
Our thoughts and our prayers:
He'll get medical care
So Shea by next season will be butter
(Feb. 22, 2018)
My dismay, I say frankly, is utter
Weber's season is now in the gutter
Our thoughts and our prayers:
He'll get medical care
So Shea by next season will be butter
To fetch a Cup of silver
(Feb. 18, 2018)
Marc and Claude uphill they trod
To fetch a Cup of silver
Their plan fell through, with much ado:
Fans said their pay they pilfered
Marc declared and Claude averred
That they were not to blame
“Not our fault they opened the vault
Because we're French in name.”
“We've tried our best at Geoff's behest
Too bad it is we failed
But listen up, though we've no Cup
We did bring back a pail!”
(Feb. 18, 2018)
Marc and Claude uphill they trod
To fetch a Cup of silver
Their plan fell through, with much ado:
Fans said their pay they pilfered
Marc declared and Claude averred
That they were not to blame
“Not our fault they opened the vault
Because we're French in name.”
“We've tried our best at Geoff's behest
Too bad it is we failed
But listen up, though we've no Cup
We did bring back a pail!”
I think that I shall never see
(Feb. 15, 2018)
I think that I shall never see
Another S. Cup victory
Won by the Habs, their 25th
Were two dozen just a myth?
So must it seem to younger fans
Who know their team as also-rans
They cheer in vain a Cup to win
But hope grows cold when truth sinks in:
In their life it won't be won
Their time's too short -- they're 21
(Feb. 15, 2018)
I think that I shall never see
Another S. Cup victory
Won by the Habs, their 25th
Were two dozen just a myth?
So must it seem to younger fans
Who know their team as also-rans
They cheer in vain a Cup to win
But hope grows cold when truth sinks in:
In their life it won't be won
Their time's too short -- they're 21
MB must go
(Feb. 8, 2018)
At issue is should the Habs tank
For that we have MB to thank
It's time he was fired
And a new GM hired
Replace him with [fill in the blank]
(Feb. 8, 2018)
At issue is should the Habs tank
For that we have MB to thank
It's time he was fired
And a new GM hired
Replace him with [fill in the blank]
In MB's defence
(Jan. 16, 2018)
In MB's defence
You needn't be smart
Or able to pass
(It is a lost art)
In MB's defence
You don't throw a check
Cuz if you did that
Your hip you might wreck
In MB's defence
You don't clear the crease
After all it takes effort
It's not done with ease
In MB's defence
You let slip behind
Any fast forward
Who crosses the line
In MB's defence
When pressed in your end
You cough up the puck
Again and again
In MB's defence
When you leave a man free
In front of the net
You say 'Sorry, CP'
In MB's defence
You fire the puck
And hope it hits net
Oh, it will -- with some luck
In MB's defence
You're polite to your foes
Sure, they wipe out your goalie
But that's as far as it goes
These lines I have written just had to be said
In response to fans calling for Bergevin's head
It's a risk I have taken to come to his aid
It's a decision all mine, I haven't been paid
The points I have raised I know will make sense
To all those familiar ... with MB's defence
(Jan. 16, 2018)
In MB's defence
You needn't be smart
Or able to pass
(It is a lost art)
In MB's defence
You don't throw a check
Cuz if you did that
Your hip you might wreck
In MB's defence
You don't clear the crease
After all it takes effort
It's not done with ease
In MB's defence
You let slip behind
Any fast forward
Who crosses the line
In MB's defence
When pressed in your end
You cough up the puck
Again and again
In MB's defence
When you leave a man free
In front of the net
You say 'Sorry, CP'
In MB's defence
You fire the puck
And hope it hits net
Oh, it will -- with some luck
In MB's defence
You're polite to your foes
Sure, they wipe out your goalie
But that's as far as it goes
These lines I have written just had to be said
In response to fans calling for Bergevin's head
It's a risk I have taken to come to his aid
It's a decision all mine, I haven't been paid
The points I have raised I know will make sense
To all those familiar ... with MB's defence
Lemon rhymes and limericks
I find when the team is pathetic
I respond by waxing poetic
Far better the verse
Than do something worse:
Call up the owner apoplectic
-- Jan. 14, 2018
The offence could use a new wrinkle
The one now employed is a sinkhole
To say it's piss-poor
Is a good metaphor:
Goals never gush, they just tinkle
-- Jan. 13, 2018
I find when the team is pathetic
I respond by waxing poetic
Far better the verse
Than do something worse:
Call up the owner apoplectic
-- Jan. 14, 2018
The offence could use a new wrinkle
The one now employed is a sinkhole
To say it's piss-poor
Is a good metaphor:
Goals never gush, they just tinkle
-- Jan. 13, 2018
whisper, whisper, Price, whisper, whisper
(Dec. 15, 2017)
Rumours about Price are now swirling
Some pretty bad stuff fans are hurling
But the worst of the lot
Is, believe it or not,
He hates playing hockey, loves curling
(Dec. 15, 2017)
Rumours about Price are now swirling
Some pretty bad stuff fans are hurling
But the worst of the lot
Is, believe it or not,
He hates playing hockey, loves curling
Row, row, glug, glug
(Dec. 9, 2017)
The ship is sinking and iceBergevin's to blame.
He was put in charge of a raft and in six years he's turned it into a dinghy filled with holes.
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
'Round the bend's a waterfall
So ends another dream
(Dec. 9, 2017)
The ship is sinking and iceBergevin's to blame.
He was put in charge of a raft and in six years he's turned it into a dinghy filled with holes.
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
'Round the bend's a waterfall
So ends another dream
After a dismal start to the season and five years of disappointment under his watch, Montreal Canadiens GM Marc Bergevin asks for
Habsolution
(Oct. 12, 2017)
Forgive me, Geoff, for I have sinned
The team I've built it cannot win
The trades I've made, free agents signed
And still there isn't one good line
The draft has been a constant bane
Not many picks a Hab remain
All those I dreamt would be a stud
Turned out to be another pud
I took a chance and rolled the dice
I put my faith in Carey Price
But I was wrong, my choice was poor
Good as he is he cannot score
The offence is a sad mirage
There is no Porsche in your garage
No, what you have is a sedan
And me with millions in my hand
(I guess I should have kept Subban)
The D is bad (also their grade)
It is as if they've never played
Together as a unit one
Because when pressed they come undone
A power play in name alone
It lacks the skill to make the zone
But when it does what does it do?
Not very much, a shot or two
One other thing deserves reproach
Why can't I pick a better coach?
It puzzles me their horrid stench
The two of them speak decent French!
From here on in I'll do my best
To restore pride in our team's crest
Rekindle hope in every fan:
I will devise a 10-year plan!
Habsolution
(Oct. 12, 2017)
Forgive me, Geoff, for I have sinned
The team I've built it cannot win
The trades I've made, free agents signed
And still there isn't one good line
The draft has been a constant bane
Not many picks a Hab remain
All those I dreamt would be a stud
Turned out to be another pud
I took a chance and rolled the dice
I put my faith in Carey Price
But I was wrong, my choice was poor
Good as he is he cannot score
The offence is a sad mirage
There is no Porsche in your garage
No, what you have is a sedan
And me with millions in my hand
(I guess I should have kept Subban)
The D is bad (also their grade)
It is as if they've never played
Together as a unit one
Because when pressed they come undone
A power play in name alone
It lacks the skill to make the zone
But when it does what does it do?
Not very much, a shot or two
One other thing deserves reproach
Why can't I pick a better coach?
It puzzles me their horrid stench
The two of them speak decent French!
From here on in I'll do my best
To restore pride in our team's crest
Rekindle hope in every fan:
I will devise a 10-year plan!
Markov signs with the Preds?
(July 12, 2017)
A prospect that each of us dreads:
Ole Marky signs on with the Preds.
But is he aware
Who’s in charge there
And for him to cope he’ll need meds?
Edit: I’m not talking about the “wedding crasher”. It’s the home invader in the White House.
(July 12, 2017)
A prospect that each of us dreads:
Ole Marky signs on with the Preds.
But is he aware
Who’s in charge there
And for him to cope he’ll need meds?
Edit: I’m not talking about the “wedding crasher”. It’s the home invader in the White House.
Price agrees to extension
(July 4, 2017)
Talking contract CP set out as a target
A deal that assured him his star cut
Say what you will
About 84 mill
He didn’t Price himself out of the market
(July 4, 2017)
Talking contract CP set out as a target
A deal that assured him his star cut
Say what you will
About 84 mill
He didn’t Price himself out of the market
Subban remembered
(Jan. 3, 2017)
Subban loves to go over the top
In his dress, in his play — he won’t stop
He’s a bit of a toff
On the days that he’s off
No, he isn’t a flop, he’s a fop
(Jan. 3, 2017)
Subban loves to go over the top
In his dress, in his play — he won’t stop
He’s a bit of a toff
On the days that he’s off
No, he isn’t a flop, he’s a fop
Benediction
(Dec. 15, 2016)
A poem by Wilberforce Antigone Smith:
Galley, Galley, none too bright
Seldom ever gets it right
Speaks his mind with great conviction.
Most of it is shameless fiction.
If there’s a Hab within his sight
He sees it as a chance to spite.
How is it that his dereliction
Has yet to lead to his eviction
From the booth where he incites
Whenever he’s on Hockey Night?
Rid us now of this affliction
Send him packing, end the friction.
And if SN won’t do what’s right
We ask, dear God, do you still smite?
(Dec. 15, 2016)
A poem by Wilberforce Antigone Smith:
Galley, Galley, none too bright
Seldom ever gets it right
Speaks his mind with great conviction.
Most of it is shameless fiction.
If there’s a Hab within his sight
He sees it as a chance to spite.
How is it that his dereliction
Has yet to lead to his eviction
From the booth where he incites
Whenever he’s on Hockey Night?
Rid us now of this affliction
Send him packing, end the friction.
And if SN won’t do what’s right
We ask, dear God, do you still smite?
Wondering about Weber
(July 30, 2016)
I wonder what Shea Weber is doing today.
Did he put sugar and milk in his tea?
Did he take time to shave, or is he sporting “that look”?
Was it khaki or old dungarees?
I wonder what ball cap Shea Weber has on.
Is it one of a sports team he favours?
Perhaps it’s a Tilley that keeps off the sun
Or a bandana he wears when he labours.
I wonder what plans Shea Weber has made.
Does he golf? Does he fish? Does he hike?
Perhaps it’s all three, he’s a triathlon man!
(And two of them he does from a bike!)
Oh, sure, he’s slowed down, when out on the ice
And soon he’ll pass 30, so he’s old.
Oui, he doesn’t speak French, he has one mother tongue
And relies on his partner we’re told.
Oh, and that contract he has, it’s a ‘burden’ for sure
And dazzle? Why surely you jest!
I wonder what Shea Weber is doing these days
Will he soon book a flight from the West?
To meet with the team that now owns his rights
And say hi to the fans on the telly
And while he’s in town, will he arrange to go poke
In the nose Subban’s man, Brendan Kelly?
I wonder what Shea Weber is doing these days
But, really, it doesn’t much matter
He’s a guy who makes millions and can do what he wants
Me? I sit most of the day and get fatter.
And wonder if Shea Weber ever once thinks of me.
(July 30, 2016)
I wonder what Shea Weber is doing today.
Did he put sugar and milk in his tea?
Did he take time to shave, or is he sporting “that look”?
Was it khaki or old dungarees?
I wonder what ball cap Shea Weber has on.
Is it one of a sports team he favours?
Perhaps it’s a Tilley that keeps off the sun
Or a bandana he wears when he labours.
I wonder what plans Shea Weber has made.
Does he golf? Does he fish? Does he hike?
Perhaps it’s all three, he’s a triathlon man!
(And two of them he does from a bike!)
Oh, sure, he’s slowed down, when out on the ice
And soon he’ll pass 30, so he’s old.
Oui, he doesn’t speak French, he has one mother tongue
And relies on his partner we’re told.
Oh, and that contract he has, it’s a ‘burden’ for sure
And dazzle? Why surely you jest!
I wonder what Shea Weber is doing these days
Will he soon book a flight from the West?
To meet with the team that now owns his rights
And say hi to the fans on the telly
And while he’s in town, will he arrange to go poke
In the nose Subban’s man, Brendan Kelly?
I wonder what Shea Weber is doing these days
But, really, it doesn’t much matter
He’s a guy who makes millions and can do what he wants
Me? I sit most of the day and get fatter.
And wonder if Shea Weber ever once thinks of me.
Rhyme -- for no reason
(August 15, 2015)
The Maple Leafs after years of despair
Hired a Cup-winning coach named Lemaire
To offer advice
About matters on-ice
Like, 'Hey, Jacques, where do we put this deck chair?'
*****************************
But with Babcock the head coach and Lamoriello the GM
Will the Cup not be the Leafs' in two years,
On the golden anniversary of the last time they won?
Sure, and silk purses can be made from pigs' ears!
(August 15, 2015)
The Maple Leafs after years of despair
Hired a Cup-winning coach named Lemaire
To offer advice
About matters on-ice
Like, 'Hey, Jacques, where do we put this deck chair?'
*****************************
But with Babcock the head coach and Lamoriello the GM
Will the Cup not be the Leafs' in two years,
On the golden anniversary of the last time they won?
Sure, and silk purses can be made from pigs' ears!
From the vault: Pop goes the season!
(January 31, 2012)
All around the mulberry bush
Hab fans look for a reason
To think their team can make a run –
Pop! Goes the season!
They fear Pierre will make a deal
The kind that’s none too pleasin’:
A draft pick for a UFA –
Pop! Goes the season!
(January 31, 2012)
All around the mulberry bush
Hab fans look for a reason
To think their team can make a run –
Pop! Goes the season!
They fear Pierre will make a deal
The kind that’s none too pleasin’:
A draft pick for a UFA –
Pop! Goes the season!
The Habs signed a D-man -- Drewiske
(June 13, 2013)
The Habs signed a D-man – Drewiske
As signings go it wasn’t too riske
But Hab fans got in a snit
Saying he hasn’t got grit
‘He’s not much of a tough guy now iske!’‘
(June 13, 2013)
The Habs signed a D-man – Drewiske
As signings go it wasn’t too riske
But Hab fans got in a snit
Saying he hasn’t got grit
‘He’s not much of a tough guy now iske!’‘
From the vault
LOL -- LockOut Lament
(Nov. 14, 2012)
A little verse inspired by two mothers
L is for a league without its heroes
O is ‘Omigawd when will they learn’
C is for a cash cow yielding zeroes
K is knowing not when they’ll return
O the fans will tell you means it’s over
U is what they shout after they’ve screamed F
T is for talks that will not end this year’s
LOCKOUT
Even though that’s what they’re supposed to be about
And one more …
Gary and Don went up the hill
To make a deal for others
When talks broke down
They stood around
Upsetting union brothers
LOL -- LockOut Lament
(Nov. 14, 2012)
A little verse inspired by two mothers
L is for a league without its heroes
O is ‘Omigawd when will they learn’
C is for a cash cow yielding zeroes
K is knowing not when they’ll return
O the fans will tell you means it’s over
U is what they shout after they’ve screamed F
T is for talks that will not end this year’s
LOCKOUT
Even though that’s what they’re supposed to be about
And one more …
Gary and Don went up the hill
To make a deal for others
When talks broke down
They stood around
Upsetting union brothers